The Portal Potty

by: Dennis R. Humphreys

(the Dream Writer)

The high country desert in northern Nevada is a beautiful place. It is desolate, and it does command getting used to. I frankly, don't see how the cowboys did it back in the time there were cattle drives to send the beef back east. Temperatures in the winter drop to ten degrees with day times reaching as high as seventy, while summer temps can go from the fifties at night to one hundred twenty degrees. Sleeping on the ground, and then working in the saddle took more than the desire for the little pay they got each month. It took an independent heart and the desire to be your own person.

Who knows why I really came out here? There were a number of reasons, but the most compelling was I didn't have enough money to live anywhere else. I might make it about five years and that would be that. I had always wanted to write so I thought I would do that, without distractions out here, saddled with my ADD, maybe I could do something. Maybe I could actually make a little money doing what I like doing, without a lack of other things popping into my head constantly.

I have a regular regimen I follow, exercising these aging bones first thing in the morning partly by walking five miles every day in the desert and doing my sixty sit ups before climbing out of the bed to do that.

There are mining companies out here doing exploratory drilling for gold. In order to satisfy the investors and make a commitment to actually mining, I understand they need to find a million ounces of gold. Seems ridiculously high but that's what they want. Because there's a constant flow, which is about six to eight trucks a day going back and forth on the road. They have a site about a mile from my palatial home of about two hundred square feet, where I can see they store their skids of bore grout, Portland concrete, and drill pipes. Because the men stop there a few times a day. The company placed a portable potty there. I have found it convenient.

Sometimes the wind blows quite strong bringing temps down under zero. I have problems making phone calls where I am because I have no signal and no Internet except in certain places. One really great place is that Portable Potty where I get a signal. It also blocks the wind and when the sun is out, the sun warms the inside. Midway through my walk you might find me talking to family and friends in that potty. It's a lot more comfortable than otherwise.

People have said time and time again strange things happen out here. They all seem to happen at Blue Mountain and the mountain just north of it probably seven miles away. I personally have seen strange cloud formations form over Blue Mountain, descend over its top hiding it and then have seen large triangular shaped objects in the sky fly through the center of the cloud and descend into the mountain. This was both during the day and at night. Most people out here believe that there are aliens living inside of that mountain and maybe, based on what I've seen, they're right.

As I walk down the road on my normal path, which is from north to south, Blue Mountain is to my right. It's a beautiful mountain so my tendency is to look at it, not necessarily to see what I can see but just to enjoy the view. Halfway through my five mile walk I come to the portable potty where I go to make my phone calls every day. I am probably in there undisturbed for an hour before I emerge, having made my contacts.

One day I was sitting in there speaking with a friend when I swore I heard food steps on the gravel that was on the ground. It consisted mainly of volcanic rock and a white silica rock common in the area. There is little sound in the place except for the occasional howl of a coyote or the song of a sage thrush. Perhaps a squawk from a sage hen from time to time to add to the mix. Mostly what you hear is the wind blowing in to about fifty miles an hour, and even stronger at times. But normally it's quiet.

You see very few people out here as well, so when you hear something like footsteps coming across the gravel it catches your attention. I was just getting ready to disconnect my phone when I heard the footsteps, so I paused to listen. I didn't hear a car pull up, so my attention was even more alerted. They seemed to be coming quickly towards the potty. I was about to peek out the door when someone tried it. I keep it locked when I'm in there so the wind doesn't blow it open.

“Hey wait as minute. I'm coming out,” I yelled to the person outside the door.

When I opened the door it was a young woman under thirty...probably the most beautiful I could even imagine. She was exotic looking as well. This wasn't someone I expected to run into in the desert. I stepped aside so she get into the cubicle. I stayed outside the door and looked around but saw no vehicle in which she came. I waited for her to come back out thinking maybe she was having problems other than having to go to the bathroom. If she needed help, I'd try to.

A few minutes later she came out.

“Sorry. I'm in there every morning to get out of the weather and make a few phone calls , check email... that sort of thing,” I told her.

“Yes, I know but I had to use the bathroom,” she told me.

“You know? How do you know? Do you live close by?” I asked, but other than where I lived and my neighbor a mile away that I could see from this here, there wasn't another place, so I was a bit confused.

“I live over there,” she pointed towards Blue Mountain.

“Really? That's five miles away or so. You can see this spot from there?” I asked her.

“I'm an amateur astronomer and I have a really good telescope. I've seen you here walking in the mornings” she told me. OK...I guess that was plausible.

“My name's Maximilian... Max for short. Friends call me Max,” I told her.

“Max... it's nice to meet you. My name's Kepri,” she responded.

“Kepri?” I asked to make sure I heard correctly and she shook her head yes. “That's an unusual name. I don't think I've ever heard it before now.

“Well my parents were unusual people,” she told me.

“How'd you get out here anyway. You didn't drive,” I asked her.

“No, but I do take long walks some mornings and this was one of them,” she told me.

“You know there's no crime in just going to the bathroom out here behind a sage bush,” I alerted her.

“I know, but I needed toilet paper and I didn't have anything on me,” she informed me.

“I see. What do you do normally out here? Do you work?” I asked her.

“I work out of my home. Living out here was sort of my primary desire so I accommodated the job to it,” she told me. “How about you?”

“Oh, I'm retired. I always wanted to come out here to a place like this and get into writing. This place is conducive to creativity... no distractions. After quite a long marriage my wife decided she didn't want to be married anymore and asked me to leave. This place was a good choice based on several factors.” I told here candidly.

“I see. Sorry to hear about things,” she told me.

We stood there for some time talking. I enjoyed the conversation and I enjoyed speaking with her. She wasn't just a vision to see but she was smart and fun to talk to. I thought I'd better get going a couple of times and leave her be. She had better things to do than talk with some old fart three times her age but she would start up the conversation again as if she really didn't want to stop talking.

“I'd better head back. I do have a few things I need to get to. It was really a pleasure speaking with you,” I told her.

“Sure. Maybe I'll run into you again out here. I enjoyed our talk,” she told me and I bid her good bye.

I laughed thinking of just running into her again sometime out here. What were the chances? Still I thought it was odd that I did to begin with... living at the mysterious Blue Mountain, I wondered what kind of experiences she had there.

A couple of days later I was positioned in the portable potty again talking when I heard footsteps, more casual this time. Could it be? I thought to myself. I didn't hear a vehicle. I opened the door as I was talking and there was Kepri leaning against the unit and smiling at me. I smiled back and told my friend I had to go.

“Kepri! I didn't expect to see you this soon,” I told her.

“I thought I'd walk out here and see if I ran into you. I just wanted to talk to you some more. I enjoyed the other day so much,” she told me.

“I did too. I'm surprised you enjoyed talking with an old fart like me,” I told her.

“I'm older than I look but that's besides the point. You don't go into town much do you?” she asked me.

“No I really don't need to be around people and with the price of things, like gas, I really can't. I'm on a limited income and can't afford it. I'm going there on Monday to do some shopping, and get a couple of things I need, if you want to come along,” I invited her.

“I wouldn't mind being with you but I don't really have a need to go into town. Do you go every Monday?” she asked me.

“Yeah except for the first Tuesday of every month I can get a free breakfast so I go in there then,” I told her.

We sat on a rock pile there where the miners had done some excavation and we spoke. It was even more enjoyable than our first conversation and I could see she was enjoying herself.

“I hope I'm not making a nuisance of myself,” she finally blurted out.

“Absolutely not. I really enjoy our conversation,” I told her and I meant it. It wasn't a frivolous passing, it was actually meaningful and I felt like I was learning something from her as we talked.

“I'd better get going. I feel like I could tell you anything and not worry about you repeating it to just anyone,” Kepri told me.

The next day I was walking south on the dusty road I always traveled. A driller drove by and waved. It was a crystal clear day without a cloud in the sky as I walked. A sage thrush followed me along the road in the bushes. They're amazing birds because they stay so well hidden. You can be looking right at a bush listening to them sing and not see them from five feet away. As I was looking towards Blue Mountain I thought I saw something coming down the side but I couldn't see what it was, if it was anything at all. In a minute something appeared coming down the foot hill in front of it then across the tops of the sage brush. There was definitely something, and it was coming fast. It was coming straight too, so I assumed it was plowing through the brush. Then I realized it must be coming towards me above the brush, a few feet above the sandy ground.

I stopped to watch because it was unusual. I realized then it was something like a snowmobile and there was someone riding on it. I continued to stand there and watch amazed, because it was in fact soaring above the brush. Then I realized it was Kepri riding on the machine. She waved at me as she got closer, and I watched with continued interest. I didn't know such a thing existed.

“Now what is this thing?” I asked her as she pulled to a stop and the thing just hovered there.

“Come on, hop aboard. I'll tell you all about it,” she directed me and I did.

I settled into the seat and wrapped my arms around her and held on. She took off quickly but smoothly and we sailed across the desert floor. The air was hot and blasted my face like the open door of an oven but it was fun. The thing emitted no noise so I assumed it operated on some magnetic force, especially the way it acted. Still, I hadn't heard of such a device and didn't know anything like this existed.

Finally she pulled to a stop on the shadow side of a bluff and slid off. She requested I do the same.

We sat on the ground there and talked.

“I never saw such a thing. Where do they sell them? Is it a prototype or something? Does it run on magnets or something without fuel. I didn't hear any engine noise,” I asked her.

“You know I was going to tell you a story but I think we're beyond that. I'll be upfront. This runs on magnetism utilizing a planet's magnetosphere. You can't get them here... only on my home planet,” she told me and then just waited, not saying anything more, seemingly to wait for my reaction.

I wasn't sure exactly how to respond. Somewhere in the back of my mind things didn't add up with her and under the circumstances, showing up one day several miles from a suspect mountain with some underground alien population... well, the thought did pass my mind.

“That doesn't surprise me. But why does it say on the side there, 'Made in China'. No... just kidding. That thing is fun to ride. Why did you decide to ride it out here to see me? It sort of forced you to open up about where you come from.” I asked her. A magnetic scooter like that would have certainly made me suspect if she hadn't said anything.

“I've been wanting to tell you almost as soon as I met you the first time,” she told me.

“Why's that?” I asked.

“I really like you,” she told me. The way she told me was both a great compliment to my ego but it was also a curse because of my age. I looked at her and she was someone I could have dated in college.

“I like you to but Kepri, look at me. I'm a hell of of a lot older than you. It doesn't matter how much you like being around me or me, you., there's going to come a time you're going to hate being saddled with me and I'm going to regret having let that happen.

“Never,” she said simply moving closer.

I couldn't let that happen. I'm afraid I would just dive into her pool and end up drowning.

“If I told you I was over five hundred years old would that make a difference?” she asked me.

It didn't surprise me that as an alien she could be that old but she looked and had the body of a twenty five year old. She may have been five hundred but the fact she was a twenty-five year old in relation to me.

“If I could do something about that, would that make a difference to you?” she asked.

“What turn back the hands of time. Sure that would make a difference,” I told her.

“Come on let me take you back. You still going into town Monday?” she asked me.

“Yes I am. I leave at sun up if you want to come. The offer still stands,” I suggested.

“No... I haven't the desire to go into town,” Kepri told me.

I already had my RV loaded and ready to go into town the day before so it was a matter if hopping into it and taking off but when I turned the key, nothing happened.

“Oh damn it, the battery's dead,” I remarked but then as I was going to get out the door there was a small note there...just step on the gas and turn your wheel, which I did and the vehicle took off without a sound. I realized then Kepri had done something to my RV to convert it to magnetic power or the sort, as a surprise, over night. What a surprise! I wouldn't be paying for gas anymore.

I waved, assuming she was watching me through her telescope or whatever contraption she was watching me through. I stepped on the gas and drove down the road. It was the smoothest ride ever. It was then I realized the van was barely touching the road so the normal rocky ride I had, was gone. I'd probably never have to buy another tire!

I got back home about the same time I normally did and went inside. I halfway expected to see Kepri show up at my door but she didn't.

As the sun was coming up in the morning and shining in my kitchen area, I got up. This is when I started my daily walk and this time as I faced Blue Mountain, before going down my hill to the road I walked, I waved, figuring Kepri might be watching. I was very thankful for her consideration. It took me one hundred dollars to fill my tank and I limited myself going into town to once a week so I only had to fill it once a month. Twelve hundred dollars a year was a huge savings.

I kept an eye on the mountain expecting to see Kepri zoom down it at any minute across the valley but I didn't see her. I wondered where she was. I wanted to thank her.

I looked one last time before entering the portable potty and sitting down. I made my phone calls and kept an ear out for her familiar walk across the stones but I didn't hear anything. At one point I thought I heard something, but it was nothing familiar, so I ignored it.

Finally, I was ready to go, so I stood up and opened the door. I was disoriented for a second because when I opened it there wasn't the familiar scene I was used to seeing. Instead of sand and sage plus the sand and stone road I walked... there was a large room probably the size of a football field and maybe a hundred feet high. It was a dome shaped room, lit brightly by some kind of translucent illumination emanating from the walls from no singular source.

I looked around, mesmerized by the sight. I knew immediately where I was. It didn't take a genius IQ to figure it out.

“Welcome to my place,” Kepri announced.

“You brought me here in a Porta Potty?” I asked finding that odd.

“Actually, it's not a real Porta Potty... I mean it can be used as one but we set it up to transport people and things. It's a good disguise don't you think?” she asked me.

“What are you up to?” I asked seeing by her expression she was up to something.

“Remember I asked you the other day if I could take care of the age thing for you, if you'd be alright with our being together?” she asked me again.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Do you trust me?” she asked.

“You teleported me here in a Porta Potty without me knowing... that does sort of make me wonder,” I said half jokingly and I think I hurt her feelings.

“I want to be with you and if you want to be with me I will take care of what you see as a drawback,” she told me.

Suddenly I could see her putting me into some kind of time machine but we never talked about something like that and I personally never believed something like that was possible because of the destructive forces it would cause.

“What, do you have some kind of time machine?” I asked her.

“No, that isn't possible but there's another way. It takes a little trust on your part since you've never been exposed to it like my people,” she told me.

“Tell me about it. How does it work?” I asked her.

“You've heard of a tachyon?” Kepri asked me.

“I've heard of them. They're without mass and they travel faster than the speed of light,” I answered her.

“We have a technique called tachyon pairing. Simply put that's where we attach a single tachyon to each one of your molecules. Every part of your body basically travels with a tachyon faster than the speed of light. You will actually travel back in time with your tachyons since they can travel back in time,” she explained to me.

“Aren't tachyons rare and hard to come by,” I asked.

“No... only hard to detect but we can detect them and collect them... as many as we need. We have the technology to do that. Then it's just a matter of applying our physics to create a temporary pairing. It will only take about two hours,” Kepri told me. I could tell she was excited and ready for me to go through the process for her.

“If anything happens that shouldn't, contact my family for me. All the numbers are in this phone,” I requested, throwing it onto a table that was there. What did I have to lose at this point? If this really worked I could look forward to a whole other lifetime with the ability of making things right I had screwed up in the first place.

She led me to a long capsule looking thing with a glass window. Tubes ran into the unit in several places and wires were attached at various locations.

“Here get in her and lie down. That's all you have to do... just wait until I come back and let you out,” she told me.

“Where am I going to go?” I asked.

“No where. You'll be here the entire time. You should be able to see everything as well but it will look like translucent glass,” she explained.

“Will I see everything changing outside this capsule as time goes backwards?” I asked her.

“Nothing will change outside the capsule, only inside, otherwise I wouldn't be here later,” she explained.

“Alright, do what you need to do” I told her, resigned to the effort.”

The lid of the capsule shut down over me and I saw Kepri smiling through the window. As she mentioned, everything became translucent looking. I could see through the lid of the capsule, but everything outside also looked like transparent film. Then as fast as the process started it was done. I laid there for a minute excited to see the results. Kepri looked into the unit at me smiling., and opened it. I sat up wondering, then she helped me out. My clothes fit differently and I did feel different as she led me to a chair. She turned on something where a reflective surface appeared in the space in front of me. I was in fact young again.

“Show his back,” Kepri commanded the reflection and suddenly it expanded in size and bent over me to the floor in back so I could look ahead at the reflection of my back.

It worked. I looked about thirty again. I felt about thirty again. Even certain things that had stopped working over the more recent years were working again. I could tell.

“What do you think, my love? Do you have any problems with our ages now?” she asked me.

“Not a thing, Kepri. Not a thing...” I promised her.