The Perfect Murder

As I sit here watching another episode of Columbo, an old detective tv show that I still love, I wonder if he is right when he says that a "perfect murder is an illusion". Can there ever be a perfect murder, so perfect that even enemies would look at it and say, "no it wasn't them".

There are plenty of tv shows out there that play on the idea of someone committing murder and trying to get away with it and then at the last minute the police swoop in and arrest the person prooving, without a doubt, that they did commit the murder and even end it with a motive. Of course, we all know that the motive is either love or money but, for the most part, money.

Then comes the next question, for those who are married, why not get a divorce? Hello, did you not hear me earlier? Money. Everything in this country lives and breathes it and if you want to lose it fast, higher a lawyer, want to lose it even faster, higher a good lawyer with several names in their business title. So you commit the murder, and save money but only for a moment. Because in a marriage, when one dies the other is automatically a suspect, and out come the relatives and friends who only liked you because your spouse liked you but now, yeah you were not only likely to have done it but you are very capable.

Now get ready to spend that money you didn't want to use on a divorce lawyer, because the cops are ruthless and the second you stop cooperating their true blue colors turn into red hot non-stop questioning, and guess who you have to hire to protect your rights and get them to back off; that's right a criminal lawyer.

So how do you get away with murder? Self-defense? Possibly, but there has to be some sort of a pattern, calls to the police, appearance, and attitude change from outgoing to recluse. Now with that being said if you are in an abusive relationship and no one will help you, protect yourself at all cost. But for the sake of this argument, you're just weighing your options. Because what if the person you want to murder isn't your spouse? An annoying friend or co-worker; emotional distress?

But the questions would come again, why didn't you just find another job in another department? Why didn't you just find another job with a new company? Why did you keep hanging out with them? Why did you keep taking their calls? You could always pull the old they were hitting on my significant other but, oh wait, you don't have a significant other. What's the motive then? They just annoyed me?

Hiring someone to kill them? There are a couple of movies, personal favorites of mine, that play off this idea. "Dial M For Murder" & "The Perfect Murder". The endings to both are very different but the same thought applies, the husband hires a hitman to kill the wife because she is having an affair with a younger man. The reasons for killing are not just for the affairs but for, you guessed it, money. But there is the problem of the money handling to pay for the hitman, setting the spouse up, creating an alibi for yourself, and then hoping they keep their mouth shut once the job is done. Or worse, they don't come back and use the hit as a form of ransom to get more money out of you later on.

Too many loose ends. Accidental? It's too close to a coincidence, which I don't believe in. Nothing just happens, there is a reason for everything. You also have to make it look like a true accident and be in a location that would allow you to be nowhere around when it happens or just close enough to offer assistance and call for help. The nowhere near it always sounds good until everyone goes, "how convenient". Just close enough, means you run the chance of everyone showing up on time and saving the person. Then if that happens, how long do you have to wait to try again?

Because we all know if you don't "respond right" then this will be bookmarked in everyone's mind so when something happens again, even years later, they will say, "uh-huh. I knew they didn't act right when the accident happened", and now look they're dead and you are still alive, about to inherit several thousands of dollars from a life insurance policy.

(Scoff) Life insurance. Don't you love those commercials? One spouse is mentioning a sudden and unexpected death of a friend and then they quickly ask, "well we have life insurance, right?" The spouse hesitates and then the scolding starts, next image is of the rates and how much the policy would be. So you'll be in trouble with your spouse if you don't get life insurance and are chastised by former friends and family for claiming it in your spouse's death.

I think that, in a nutshell, describes the idea of a perfect murder. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. But I firmly believe there has to be a way to commit the perfect murder...