The Pariah & The Secret Admirer

Ella was a loner, the misfit who just couldn’t fit in with the crowd. She didn’t mind being solitary, although it wasn’t by choice. She had dealt with segregation for her entire life. As hard as she tried, people just were not attracted to her. She had never been on her first date. She didn’t get invited to the prom and she had never experienced her first kiss. She tried not to dwell on the things that she had never been able to fulfill. She had a nice job at L&L Publishing Company and a comfortable life, that’s really all that she needed. She also had four cats waiting for her to return home, they always made her smile.

As she drove along the same route that she routinely traveled twice a day, she took notice of the wrinkles forming on her hands. Life had not been kind to her. She was a middle-aged woman who couldn’t help but feel dejected and left out. Would she ever fall in love? Would she ever be married? Her maternal clock was ticking fast, having children was beginning to look doubtful. She wondered why happiness always seemed to evade her. She was a nice person; she was good to everyone that she knew. She donated to charities and volunteered at homeless shelters. Where was the reward in life for being such a decent person?

As she pulled into the driveway of her little, quaint home she noticed the cats sitting in the window waiting for her. “At least somebody loves me.” she quietly thought to herself. She walked inside and looked around at her spotless and tidy house. “Everything has a place and there is a place for everything.” that’s what her grandmother had taught her and she lived faithfully by that rule.

She stared into the mirror and the reflection looking back at her made her feel homely and unappealing. Ella was actually quite beautiful, although she just couldn't see it. Her sensitive, pale skin appeared pastier and whiter than usual. Each freckle stood out as if they were painted on with neon. She had never found her freckles to be cute or attractive. In fact, she had been made fun of and bullied over them for a big part of her life. Her long auburn hair laid lifelessly on her shoulders. She never knew how to make it look nice so she normally just pulled it back into a slick ponytail. She glanced at the box full of cosmetics on the counter. She often brought new makeup yet she had never worn it a day in her life. She felt awkward and clownish when she tried to apply it.

Ella’s mother had died during childbirth. She was raised by her father and grandmother. Neither of them had ever taught her how to be refined and polished like the other girls. She never had fashionable clothing to wear until she was a grown adult. Her grandmother proudly made all of her clothes, another reason that she was so unpopular in school. Kids can be so cruel and even though her school years were far behind her, she still carried scars and humiliation. Those had been the most unbearable days of her life.

She could still hear the teasing voices calling her “Zella Ella.” She could still feel the loneliness and embarrassment as she ate lunch all by herself. And she could still feel the rude stares that she received in gym class when she had to wear shorts. Her long, slender pale legs had been the butt-end of many cruel jokes.

Ella jumped in startlement when the doorbell suddenly rang. The delivery man was holding a suspicious package wrapped in brown paper. She quickly flipped her hair over her shoulder before she opened the door. She had always found the delivery man to be handsome. Although he never seemed to notice her smiles or blushing cheeks when she spoke to him. “I have a package for you,” he stated as he held it out to her. “What is this?” she looked at the package confused. “No clue, I don’t make it a habit to look into people’s packages, I just deliver them.” his reply sounded rather sarcastic.

She sat down at the kitchen table and excitedly examined the well-wrapped package. She opened it up to find a beautiful lace dress, rather short and sexy for her taste. A letter was attached that read.

My dearest Ella,

Meet me at Covington's tonight @ 8:00 and please wear this.

Your secret admirer.

“I have a secret admirer?” she almost jumped out of her chair as she read the message over and over.

Covington’s was a formal and very expensive restaurant downtown. Only the popular, wealthy people visited the establishment. The windows were tinted so that you could never see who was inside. Ushers waited at the door to check reservations and lead people to their assigned tables. Whoever sent this must have made reservations months ago. She knew that Covington’s always had a long waiting list, she had heard people at work complain about it.

As the day passed Ella debated on what she should do. She really wanted to go and find out who her admirer was. But she was also terrified and nervous. This was a whole new experience for her. Nobody had ever liked her or asked her out on a date.

She slipped the lacy dress over her head, the silk lining felt so good against her skin. She frowned as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her freckled shoulders and long pale legs appeared hideous to her. She quickly took the dress off and stuffed it back into the package. “No, I won’t allow myself to be humiliated ever again.” she angrily tossed the brown package across the room.

She cuddled up on the sofa and tried to settle into a good movie, but her eyes remained fixated on the clock. It was 8:20 she wondered who was at Covington’s waiting for her. Was it even real or was someone attempting to play a horrible joke on her? She decided to at least drive past the restaurant to see if she recognized anyone in the area.

As she neared Main Street, she noticed that traffic was backed up and at a complete standstill. People were rushing around on the sidewalk frantically. Vehicles were beeping their horns and people were shouting. Up ahead she could see the flashing blue lights and ambulances making their way through the traffic jam. “What’s happening?” she rolled down her window and asked a woman who was rushing by. “M-m-mass shooting at Covington’s, everyone’s dead. The lady quickly shouted as she disappeared into the growing crowd.

Ella quickly turned her car around and rushed to get back home. She felt her body tremble and shake as she turned on the television and found the local news.

“The supervisor for L&L publishing company went on a killing spree after sending every woman in his building an invitation to Covington’s restaurant tonight. Shockingly all of the women from L&L were wearing the exact same dress.”

“89 people perished in the attack, including the restaurant staff and guests. Officials are saying that nobody made it out of the establishment alive. A local officer describes the scene as the most horrific thing that he has ever witnessed.”

“We still don’t know what the motive was or exactly how many L&L employees received invitations.

Ella sank back into the soft cushions as she wiped the tears from her eyes. For the very first time in her entire life, she was glad to be the pariah. That's when the truth hit her head on like a ton of bricks. This was her reward for being such a decent person, she had been spared.

“Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.”

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart