The Netflix Dilemma

“Today is the day!” Maggie says while taking a seat in front of her 42-inch TV, a steaming coffee in hand.

I’ve been putting this off for too long, it’s ridiculous. Just do it already! How hard can it be?

As Maggie reaches for the remote and points it at the TV, she feels a shiver creep down her spine.

“Get a grip! Stop doing this to yourself.” She says with determination.

As she quickly browses through the applications on the TV, an awful sense of dread persists. After a couple scrolls, she finally finds the application she is looking for — red letters on a white background. She clicks on the Netflix logo.

“Alright, here goes nothing,” she states.

On the homepage the 4 smiling squares look back at her with malicious intent. The first square is named “Maggie”, the second says “Jeff”, and the third and fourth are the generic “Kids” and “Watch together”.

After a few minutes of searching through the different options on the screen, Maggie still can’t seem to find the settings where “reset your password” is available. Delaying the inevitable, she browses through the never ending new releases until she finally decides to pull out her computer and login to Netflix online, hoping that this time she’d find the settings tab on the first try.

Login: [email protected]

Password: Maggieblossom!

As she clicks enter, large red letters appear on the screen before her: Incorrect password. Please try again.

It has to be a version of this password; I’ve used the exact same password since I was 12. Maybe there is a capital B, or an interval of capital and lowercase letters. Okay, let me try again.

Login: [email protected]

Password: MaggieBlossom!

Maggie crosses her fingers, hoping that this time she gets it right.

“Awesome, I’m in!” she says in triumph.

As Maggie gets closer to her goal of kicking out her ex-boyfriend from her Netflix account, she can’t help but feel a pang of guilt.

“Positive thinking, I paid for the Netflix account during the entirety of our relationship. He never offered to help me pay, and I let him use this account for 4 years after HE broke up with ME!” says Maggie hoping to hype herself up.

You can do this! But, what about his mom who also uses this account? I always liked her. she can’t afford her own account and if I change my password maybe I’ll be adding extra financial stress to him and her.

“Ugh,” Maggie sighs.

He just needs to pay for his own account and give her access; this is not my problem. Okay, but what if he interprets this as me being petty and assumes I haven’t moved on? I know him, he would definitely think that. Maybe I can let him use it for just a little longer? No, no, no, no... I’ve let him use it for long enough, come on!

As Maggie viciously debates with herself, she has a scary thought.

What if he uses this as proof that I’m a narcissist? He would always accuse me of being self-centered and making everything about myself. He’ll probably think that this password change is my way of hurting him and making it all about me.

“Okay, no, I can’t think like this. He dumped ME. He’s the one who manipulated me into thinking I was the problem.” Says Maggie aloud, hoping the statement would somehow remove the doubt she was feeling.

Why do I care so much about what this guy thinks? But, what if it makes him sad and he cries? I don’t want him to be upset; I just want to cut him out of my life for good. What if he hasn’t been using my account at all? Maybe I don’t need to do this today. Oh no, but what if he has been using my account and he notices right away and then tries to call me? If he calls me and asks me to change it back, I don’t think I’d be able to say no.

As Maggie sits in front of her computer thinking of all the scenarios that would make her uncomfortable, she quickly loses the urgency to act.

“I have an idea!” Says Maggie knowing that all she needs is a reminder of how toxic and unhealthy her past relationship was in order to boost her confidence in making this decision. She had kept a detailed dairy in the months after her breakup to help process her emotions.

January 17th, 2019

Today, a month after our breakup, Jeff called me in a panic. He had just left town and had forgotten to do his dishes and he was worried about leaving them out for an extended period of time. Since I still had keys to the apartment we used to share, I told him I’d go over and help him out. He thanked me profusely and hung up. Later during the day, I headed over to his apartment to do the dishes, which I truly thought would take 15 minutes. The moment I opened the door, I realized the mistake I had made. THERE WERE PILES OF DISHES AND GARBAGE EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING MOLDY TUPPERWARE THAT HAD CLEARLY BEEN SITTING OUT FOR WEEKS. It took me 3 hours to do the dishes, take out the trash and clean up a bit. I should have walked out, but for some reason I felt a responsibility to help. We’d been together for years, I couldn’t just walk out, right?

As Maggie reads her journal entry, she cringes at how accommodating she had been. With a renewed determination, she is finally ready to take the leap. Maggie clicks on the “reset your password” button.

Old password: MaggieBlossom!

New password: BadassMaggie!

New password confirmation: BadassMaggie!

With more force than necessary, she clicks on the “confirm” button.

What a relief!

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Wait, was that mean? Maybe I should change it back…