So… What You Been Up To?

You ever wake up and think of someone so hard it seems like the two of you have to be having the same moment? That "I shouldn't be thinking of you right now. Get out of my head," moment. Suddenly you're entire reality becomes a fight not to text back the last person you cuddles to sleep. Rough shit right? Well I'll tell ya what. I'll give you a reason NOT to act on that. Maybe after me telling my story you'll think to yourself "Yea… prolly not trying to end up in an abandoned warehouse smelling like Gnocchi de Semolino and garbage." Now I caught your attention huh? Yea thats called foreshadowing. That shit happened. It happened to me and it could damn sure happen to you.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME NORA?!?!" I had just walked in on the love of my life straddling some rich asshole I'd never seen in my life. How do I know he was rich? His fuckin BMW was parked in my fucking driveway thats how. That's approximately the last thing i said to her. She didn't budge. She didn't seem apologetic. It was a person I'd never seen in her ever. I couldn't figure it out. It was so out of nowhere. She just took it as it happened. Getting caught. The divorce. She didn't ask for anything but she didn't tear up it was like she was mad at me and cheated to end it but we were so solid before man. and i think that's what made me even angrier. the fact that the night before she was 180 someone else. We had dinner together. We kissed good night. We were magic. It was… it was whatever man I need to get to the good part.

So naturally since this is a warning you know i called her right? Well i did. And like she sounded so excited. She sounded like she needed me. We talked like we had the night before. Talked about our favorite show, talked about the town's lackadaisical construction patterns. We had our banter back and forth about our sports teams. Dude we were married all over again. It didn't add up at all. Finally I caved. I said the 4 words that would metaphorically put me in a coffin. "Let's get coffee yea?"

God and I was such a high schooler getting ready for the date. With my "which cologne…" this and my "dress shirt or clever T?" that. I gotta tell ya. I was somethin else. 22 minutes early. Yea. I was as excited as a grown man would be to see the gal he was in love with. Completely forgot she fucked Mr. White BMW in the same bed we ate sherbet and talked about our future in. Coffee turned into a quick cruise around the park. A quick cruise around the park turned into a walk through the nature pass. a walk through the nature pass turned into dinner and a movie. And shit… we didn't even make it to the movie. i know what you're thinking. "Damn dude.

You got lucky?" quite the opposite actually. I got so randomly unlucky that I'm shocked im still alive.

So there we are. Me eating my lasagna like the child I've always always been. She never ate the same thing twice. She liked things spicy and new. Red flag thoroughly fuckin missed. But back in mushy gushy town she was giving me her i can't wait to take you home eyes. Shit was swell. Then something clicked in me. and i had to jinx the whole fuckin thing. the following 24 hour went by so fast. I still cant believe im here.

"Why'd you do it?" I let out without thinking. I couldn't even kid you that we were both laughing a microsecond before I let it out. "Why'd you decide to ruin me? Ruin US. I just can't wrap my head around it. it makes no sense."

"Oh… o-ho-ho-kay… um… well that WAS going really well. And now I have to tell you a story you're never going to believe."

"Margo… I couldn't even hate you for it because i didn't know what went wrong. It was so out of nowhere. We were best friends until we were married. We were best friends until you cheated. Nothing went wrong until it all did. There was no like… nothing. no regret no fight over anything. It was just an end. And a calm and clean one at that. It was so silent and I had stewed on it for ages. Just tell me why I earned it. Or why you needed it."

"Well that's just it. I didn't need it. The government did."

I remember bursting into laughter out of pure confusion. "WHAHAHAHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?" Little Italy was so lucky they were dead that night. i woulda shattered some eardrums on their patio.

"Yea… I'll finish this here real quick but I'm gonna need a strong bottle of wine first."

And here my dumb ass just orders it like "hurr hurr. lets see where this is going." She pours out a small drink and as im going to pour mine i feel her stop me. confused as shit i saw that same look in her eye she had whilst she was undressing atop her mistress. Wait no those are girls right? shit what do you call a dude your wife is banging while you're married… Doesn't matter i guess. she took her whole ass plate of Gnocchi whatever and smacked it in my face then im presuming she cracked me with the bottle of whatever $60 wine she asked for. Most expensive black eye i ever paid for thats for sure. well i didnt pay for it. She used my money to pay for and carted me off into the night.

I woke up in a warehouse, you guessed it, smelling like garbage and pasta and staring at the woman of my dreams half naked near a barrel with a fire in it.

"See I hoped you wouldn't have to ever see me like this. I hoped my job wouldn't ever interfere with our wonderful marriage. i wanted us to work out so badly but in the end the story had to end." I sat there and wondered what tax consultation, a BMW, and a half naked babe had to do with me being gagged and bound to a chair in a warehouse where I assumed I was going to die at this point. I've seen all the movies man. I was just ready for the big reveal.

"See… the man you saw was heavily under investigation. The CIA had been looking for him for ages. But in order for me to bring him down I had to get so into character that i lost everything. If you had waited just an hour longer to come home from work they'd have broken in while I had him pinned to the bed. They'd have eliminated the evidence. I would have been able to quit that day. I would have been out. I wouldn't have even had to have sex with the guy! I didn't by the way. He was ugly as shit. You're way cuter than he is and he smelled like mafia. Even your axe spray phase was better than his smelly ass. Today was so good though, Bryan. Today was the best thing that's happened to me in forever. I wanted so badly to reach out. But without a husband I had no need to quit. I got to far in. my jobs my only now and I'm miserable. They offered me out and I couldn't. They were all I had after that capture. I didn't have the heart to take anything of yours. of ours. I had taken the only thing we had that mattered and ruined it on a risk for my job. It wasn't worth it then and now… now i have to do it again. I have to be invisible from now on. because now I'm deep enough that I can't have anyone. Don't worry though. You'll be fine. I'll make an anonymous call about screaming in this general vicinity as soon as im gone enough that you'll never see me. Please understand I love you. And please… Please never call me again.

It's been 4 hours since then. I'm warm... I'm smelly... I'm confused. I couldn't be happier that the love of my life is a CIA agent and not a cheating slut. It's too bad I can't have her. But at least I know she didn't blow some dude that drives a BMW. That's a real nightmare.