Remember Me

*WARNING STORY CONTAINS TRIGGER MOMENTS*

April 6th, 1975, I’ll never forget the day. The smell of the fresh cut grass, the sound of bacon sizzling in the kitchen, and the smile of my mother as she wished me a happy 21st birthday. As much trust and communication, I had with my mother I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what my birthday plans were.

I went out with my best friend to find a groovy outfit for tonight. As I tried on numerous outfits at my favorite store, I finally found the winner. After leaving the store I saw this dreamboat who I began to talk to. I told him it was my birthday and that he should come to the Funk House to hangout. He accepted my offer, and I couldn’t have been more excited. My best friend looked at me with a look of approval and we do our happy dance in the middle of the mall.

I made my way home and burst into my room. With my new outfit and makeup, I knew I had to look my best for tonight. After 3 hours I was finally happy with my look of the night. My hair looked good, my makeup looked good, and my dress was dynamite. I went downstairs and my mom asked my plans and I decided to tell her. “I’m going to the Funk House” I said with hesitation. She looked at me and said “Well you’re an adult now so I guess I can’t stop you.” I smiled and gave her a hug reassuring her I’d be ok. A horn is heard from the outside and I know it’s my ride. I dart out and hop in the front seat of my best friends El Camino.

We arrive to the Funk House and I showed the bartender my ID. He looked at me and says “happy birthday”. I smile and order my first drink called “Funk Juice.” No idea what was in it, but it tasted like dead skunk. As I’m drinking, I notice the dreamboat from the mall. “Hello again.” He says with his pearly white teeth.

As confident as I was from the alcohol my brain couldn’t help but mash together hello and hi turning it into “Hilo.” Embarrassment came over my face and he smiled He looks over at the dance floor and says “how’s your moves on the dance floor?” I smiled at him and we both walked to the dance floor.

We danced down the soul train line. He was such a good dancer which made me like him even more. As the night went on, we talked for what seemed like forever. The club closed at 12 and he asked me if I wanted to go to Mel’s Diner. I took him up on the offer because I didn’t want this night to end. We ordered pancakes and shared them. This night was going great. As we sat next to each other he looks me in the eyes and says “Can I take you somewhere?” I knew it was getting late but I’m 21 I want to enjoy my birthday night. We hop in his Cadillac and we begin to drive.

We finally arrive to a marigold filled park. We get out the car and he showed me the stars. It’s hard seeing them from the city but in this park they were illuminated. He put his arm around me and pulled me in closer. He began to kiss me very passionately. He begins to touch me inappropriately and I stop him. At that moment his demeanor changed. “What’s wrong?” He said confusingly. I look him in the eyes to let him know we’re moving too fast. He takes his arm from around me. “So we went through all this for you to turn me down?” He said angrily. My heart began to beat faster, not from passion but from fear. “No it’s not that, it’s just that I think we should get to know each other a little better.” I said to him timidly. I can see the frustration in his eyes. “Maybe I should go” I said as I got up from the hood of his car.

As I begin walking to the dirt road, he aggressively grabs me. I begin screaming as he assures me no one will hear me. He throws me down in the dirt and mounts me. I begin screaming for my life. He put his hand over my mouth and I bite him. He screamed bloody murder before taking his free hand and punching me twice for it. He ripped my clothes off and took his pants off. I closed my eyes and waited for it all to end. As time went by a numbness filled my body. He got off me and simply said “You need a ride home?” I laid there motionless and speechless not being able to process that I was just raped. He put his clothes back on and hopped in his car. As he pulled off as I laid there not moving but simply looking at the marigold flowers that seemed so beautiful thirty minutes ago.

April 6th 1995 I celebrated my 41st birthday alone. I sat in my living room watching my daytime talk shows. My mom had died 2 years before and my best friend stopped reaching out after I became a hermit. My trust in men completely shifted 20 years ago. Any man who came in my life were merely faded memories. However, there was one man who lived in my head daily. What happened 20 years ago plays on repeat in my head constantly and I can’t stop it. I have seen multiple therapists to no avail. Even though my therapists have told me numerous times it’s not my fault I can’t help but think it was. My actions led me to that park, I set myself up to be raped by going to a park with a man I don’t know. I was guilt ridden.

April 6th 2025 I was blessed to reach my 71st birthday. I managed to go life without ever having a boyfriend, husband, kids. The only friends that I have are work friends I’m forced to like. Despite giving up on therapists I didn’t want to die with a heavy heart. I entered the therapist office and was greeted by Dr.Leigh. I must say he was very attractive but most importantly he seemed legitimate. I told him the story that had plagued me for years. He gave me advice and helped me get a lot more off my chest. After our session was over, I felt relieved almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Dr.Leigh gave me some things to work on and I left feeling confident on what I needed to do. I booked one more session with his receptionist for the end of the week and went on my way.

Later that night I went back to my old neighborhood. I stopped pass my childhood home, Mels Diner which was now a Indian restaurant, and last but not least I went to the Marigold park. The park that took my smile away. I began breathing heavy as I haven’t been back in 50 years. What once was such a beautiful place was now a place of sadness. After being in my old neighborhood for about 3 hours I finally get home and made a call to my former best friend from high school letting her know what happened. She was the only one who knew me when I had my smile, so I wanted her to be the first to know that I was getting it back.

I began looking at old photo albums that contained pictures of me and my mom. For the first time in a long time I felt a smile coming along. It wasn’t the smile I wanted but it was a start. I learned in the past that writing helps me get a lot out of frustration out. I grabbed one of my notebooks and for each photo I wrote a paragraph about it. Mainly about what I love about the photo and how it made me feel at that time. I was getting a lot accomplished and my brain felt clear. There was just one thing I needed to do and I was going to do it even if it was the last thing that I do.

Friday rolled around and it was time for my appointment with Dr.Leigh. He welcomed me back, “So please if you will, are you starting to forgive your mother for abusing you?” Dr.Leigh said to me with confidence. I simply smiled and responded “Well Dr.Leigh, I haven’t exactly been truthful.” He looks at me with slight confusion and intrigue. “When I told you my mother beat me, that wasn’t a true story.” I said with a smile.

Dr. Leigh sits up. “Oh, so what is the truth” he says with hesitation. At this moment I know I need to let him see the hand he’s been dealt. “Well Dr.Leigh, April 6th 1975 on my 21st birthday I was raped by a man in Jefferson park.” Dr.Leigh is flabbergasted, he doesn’t know what to make of this new information. “I’m sorry to hear that did they find out who did it?” After he said that I smiled from ear to ear. “I just found him.” I told him with a cold happiness.

Dr. Leigh put his notepad down and takes his glasses off. “I was raped by a man named Steven Leigh on April 6th 1975 in Jefferson park, you don’t remember me but I damn sure remember you.” Dr Leigh gets up off the couch and says “Look whatever happened in the past was the past I was young and stupid.” As he rises off the couch I stand up out of my chair to stop him. “Stop! I realized this whole time I’ve hated you for what you did to me. When in reality I should of just forgiven you.” Dr. Leigh stares at me with fear and hesitation not knowing what to expect. “Dr.Leigh, I forgive you.” Dr.Leigh puts his head down in sadness and begins to cry. “I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking!” He says to me sobbing his eyes out. I walk over and give him a hug.

As we hugged all the memories came back stronger to the surface as if they were about to explode. He began holding me tighter and I finally felt comfortable, almost as if the weight has finally been lifted. I release the hug and look at him. His face turned completely white and every liquid possible ran down his face. I wiped his tears away before pulling out the knife I had lodged in his stomach during our embrace. He looked down at his bleeding shirt and began backing up onto the couch. He was speechless. His breathing began to elevate, and his face turned as red as a strawberry. I stood there smiling with satisfaction knowing that this demon that has plagued my life will finally go to hell. Part of me wanted to stab him once more but this slow death he was having was satisfying. Finally the time came where a monster that has been terrorizing me for 50 years had finally met his maker or in this case his destroyer.

Before leaving his office, I approached his lifeless body and looked him in the eyes. I gave him one more stab just for safe measure. I leave his office and pleasantly wish his receptionist a good day. I hopped in my car and hit the highway. I’m meeting my childhood best friend in Atlantic City at 2pm. It’s only a matter of time before the police arrest me for murder but at 71 years old, I’m going to live these last moments of freedom like it’s 1975.