Fiction logo

Rattlesnakeskin

🤍

By Celia in UnderlandPublished 7 months ago Updated 7 months ago 3 min read
10

The city had known peace for a century past. Under the watchful and gracious heart of the motherhood, the dominin had flourished in their democracy; bringing prosperity and hope to the newly migrated population. Women far across the realms had created a sanctuary, building the blocks on which their daughters and sons would stand.

Yet still, as nature might predict, the animal in fear is the most malicious of them all. Haunted by visions of betrayal, her fury led her to commit a heinous act: she murdered them, the usurpers, in their lover's sleep.

The gods had punished her jealousy with a thousand hisses. A replacement for the kisses she so desired. And in her hurt, tainted by rejection, she sought other means of self-gratification. She, she alone, would rule. Vulnerability, by ancient lore holds the propensity to gather terrifying strength.

And so it became.

She claimed the throne. Her red river ran the city blood dry. Taking what it could to feed its insatiable hunger. The sirens were slain in the battle of the triad. All temptresses devoured. He had told her of the ancient prophecy that would give power to venom. She was chosen. The one. It had been foretold in ancient walls. Inscribed in stone. She was the prophetess of the sundial cycle.

And she would become.

The catalyst, a magician’s soundbite used in times of need. For he was the sun destiny.

Her jealousy made her a suitable fool, a device destined to rule the once desecrated land. But venom flowed within the river, a deeper onyx than her hair. Protected with spying eyes beyond the vision of a stagnant but vicious curl. The cruelty of men had made her mean. But she did not know the cruelty of man. Not yet. But a taste of it had made her a bitter hissing tongue. Weak. A perfect target. Reactionary and hurt. Vulnerable.

The plan was simple thus. The matriarchy would fall. Turn woman on woman.

Make them hate.

He hadn't had to do much, really, not in the way of magic, It wasn’t hard. He didn’t even have to use his wand; a word here, a stream of whispers there, he waited.

Jealousy is a ventricle of the heart.

Just a matter of time. And he was a patient man. There was time enough.

And they turned. No stone unturned. The bitch. The witch. The child killer. The snake-eyed fool.

The red river swallowed her whole in a ritual to rid the broken land of her broken soul. They burned her stone in her own crimson water.

And it came to pass, Merlin took his place. The master. The lord of the newfound land. Marking the dawn of patriarchy.

My first and probable last 'attempt' at fantasy, But the longer I'm on Vocal, the more I'm learning that never is um...not forever

Thank you Matthew Fromm, I just couldn't resist,If you're up for an awesome read or would like to give this fantasy thing a go, check out the challenge here:

Fantasy
10

About the Creator

Celia in Underland

Just a voice finding its echo. Teacher - reader-writer-cat lover. Wanderer. Weirder than a koala in The Arctic. Magpie for shiny words and stuff. Taking the scenic route home.

Admin @ FB VoIces in Minor

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (7)

Sign in to comment
  • Amanda Starks7 months ago

    I followed you over from Ian Read's piece!! This was a really great first attempt at high fantasy. c: Especially love the feminist narrative. I saw that you were looking for some pointers, so here are a few I hope will help! One major thing I believe that separates good fantasy from great fantasy is the ability to ground the reader in your world. In a fantasy piece, you can paint the story in broad strokes, but at least for me, I can get a bit lost and not feel a personal connection to the story if it's too broad. Adding more grounded descriptions and giving your characters names/making them more relatable can go a long way! In high fantasy, it's pretty common to drop lots of names for fantasy races, cities, religious sects, ect. This is definitely more of a personal take, but I like adding context clues or some sort of comparison or descriptor to indicate what these names represent/show how important they are. You can do this more naturally through dialogue or character interactions! And the last piece of advice I can think to give is to embrace simplicity! With fantasy, the sky is the limit for what you can write about, but getting too lost in your world/story can result in losing the reader. It's good to take a step back and consider what you can change to better immerse your audience into your world, even if you have to cut out world-building details or mechanics. I hope this helps somewhat. <3 You really did a great job, especially for the word limit! I remember first diving into writing fantasy, and it was daunting! Just keep practicing and reading in the genre, and soon you'll be able to find your unique fantasy style and voice!

  • Ian Read7 months ago

    For your first attempt at fantasy, this was incredible! Well done!

  • Paul Stewart7 months ago

    FFS...is there anything you can't do! This was some incredible writing for someone who is not really a fantasy writer! You wrote the hell out of this and made it so personal and emotive and grounded with the whole matriarchy/patriarchy thing, while keeping the fantasy items! Well bloody done, Celia!

  • The cruelty of men had made her mean. But she did not know the cruelty of man. Not yet. This part made a chill run down my spine. I'm not proud of this but yes, the cruelty of men has indeed made me mean she didn't know the cruelty of man, not yet. That was terrifying! I loved your attempt at fantasy. I also loved that never is not forever.

  • Rachel Deeming7 months ago

    "Jealousy is a ventricle of the heart." What a line. It reads like a myth retelling. Great stuff, as usual.

  • Kenny Penn7 months ago

    Great read, Celia! It felt like an epic introduction to a high fantasy novel. Maybe this shouldn't be your last?

  • You did well with this, my friend, not simply in the realm of myth & fantasy but with a cautionary tale for all to heed.

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.