Parting

The sun rose and set several times, and still Kardika had not taken Teela as was the custom after locking antlers with another buck and winning.

For her part, Teela stayed by his side, following Kardika to dine on the meadow grass in the twilight and sleeping in the same glen deep in the forest. He was always close, yet never crossed that final gap.

He acted only with kindness and gentleness. She had known him in passing before, but he seemed to want to know everything about her short life. Yet she always found herself keeping details from him. As if even her speech had to be guarded.

Finally, one day on the meadow, Teela could let it hang over her no longer.

“Do you not want a child?” she asked, as close as she could come to acknowledging the true act.

Kardika continued chewing a dandelion for a moment before answering. “Of course I do.” He looked her square in the eyes, and Teela felt her spine stiffen at the thought that acknowledging it had become the unintentional beginning of the consummation.

“But I fear you do not,” he said, his face softening. “Or, perhaps, not with me.”

She no longer believed he would advance on her, but now a new sheet of ice wrapped her heart as she wondered what he would do to a doe who rejected him.

“No, chickadee.” Kardika smiled as he said her nickname. She could not recall when he had started calling her that. Or why. “Please don’t look at me like that. No matter what you choose, I would never harm you.” His smile faded as he looked deep into her eyes again. “Never.”

“So, what happens now?”

“It is still the time of falling leaves. There is still time to find another mate who fills your heart in ways I do not. Or you can retreat into the deep forest until the next season or the season after. Whenever you are ready to take this path. I would not make you birth a fawn you do not want. My son or daughter needs a life of love, and if your heart is pained, you will never be able to provide that. Not fully.”

Teela blinked at him as a gust ruffled both their ears. He sighed as he turned his eyes down.

“I am growing old, and all my children have died before their father. I do not wish to follow them without leaving some mark on this world. I heard your call for help and thought, maybe, you would see a better side of me. But you are young, and I cannot make something so that is not so.”

Kardika raised his head.

“I will always hold you in my heart, chickadee, but I do not own you. If your heart lies in another field, then that is where you must go.”

“But… why?”

“I am not so selfish that I would rather you stay by my side while you are unhappy. If ever you are in peril, know that I will stop at nothing to protect you, and I hope the next buck does the same.”

He nuzzled her cheek, then flicked his head toward the trees.

“Go,” he said, his eyes glistening but his smile full. “Find your path.”

Teela took one last look at Kardika before trotting away through the meadow.

“And if ever you should find yourself looking back on these short days with a different light,” he whispered into the breeze as it shuffled the golden grass stalks and obscured her from sight, “I will be here.”

~~~

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