Pandora’s Box

I wonder if he thinks about me at night, when he’s all alone in his bed. No one to talk too, no one to caress. Does he look at photos of me, zoom in and observe me? Does he wonder what his life could have been like with me in it.

It doesn’t matter now, he’s lost…he’s gone…he’s a stranger. I know I’ve changed a lot and he probably has too. I don’t know him anymore he’s all grown up now. I’m grown up now. We’re completely different people he’s more handsome then ever now and I’m beautiful.

The way he talks and carries himself is so different. His voice is gentle but strong it gives me goosebumps. His walk his strong but one thing about him is that his energy scares me, my stomach feels as if it clenches in a fist and is ready to jump. My face heats up, my throat clenches and I get a small case of goosebumps. I could be completely wrong and it could be a deeper meaning does he feel it too? Is he hiding his emotions, holding back and not saying how he actually feels? It’s confusing and eats at my brain.

I see him and his big white smile, but I also see his eyes. He’s sad, worn out, tired, wondering who he has become. I saw and watched from a far how sad he was. The way he sat at the bar table drunk with his legs crossed under his chair, shoulders shrugged. He then closed his eyes and brought the glass beer to his lips he drank slow and let out a huge sigh and put it back down slowly.

That’s when I showed up, that’s when he saw me. He lit up smiling ear to ear surprised to see me. He quickly re-adjusted his body rolling his shoulders back as he smiled and did a small wave. I rushed past him because I was scared. I was feeling something unexplainable I was shy when it came to him. All these things my body feels does he feel it too? It’s impulsive my body wants to react but my brain says keep walking, keep moving, it won’t shut up. I can’t do this and I begin to talk to myself ‘I’m being crazy, this is crazy, there’s just no way, why would he even like me.’ All these things I was saying to myself and finally I stopped and said, ‘He’s just being friendly.’

That was him Mr.Nice-guy. I know I think about him, I think about how I don’t want to run into him because my body is just scared of him. Why do I feel scared of him after all these years of not knowing anything about him. All these years we’ve been apart. I don’t understand why a part of me wants to see him the other part wants to hide from him. It’s crazy because I want him to see me, but I don’t want to see him.

Why am I so scared of this stranger ? Is it because I feel there’s more then just a friendship, or is it because I feel he’s a volcano ready to erupt. My heart feels as if it’s in a fist making it hard for me to breathe. Am I being delusional? Maybe, but I know I’m scared of him I just don’t know why. It’s the feeling of Pandora’s Box should I open it or not.