Now and forever

I like to look at the city from high places . It makes me feel like I can have a kind of overview of what's going on there , not just being a passer - by on one of the streets I see right now . Sometimes I wonder ... is that how God feels ? I did n't think much of it

to death , never .

I've always had so many things to do and so many plans. I didn't have time to think about death. But I think most people don't have time to think about it , they wake up in the morning , they take their kids to school , they go to work , they take their kids from school, they cook , they clean ,

and then I go to sleep, and the next day, it 's all over again . It's not too late to think . Most people do not think about death until it strikes them and then death becomes the only thing they think about . I'm not talking about my own death here, because you have no way of knowing when

It hit you, didn't it? Then you 're just ... dead . _ You don't know anything anymore . You don't feel anything anymore . I mean the death of someone around me, that event will make you think . It will make you think about it day and night , until maybe you want to die too . _

At least that's what happened to me .

I never thought about death . Until the moment he hit me hard. And from that moment on, it was the only thing I could think of . And I came to a conclusion . It's easy to die . You just do n't exist anymore . Living is the hard part . Stay behind . _ _ To

you feel the loss ... the pain ... That 's the hard part.

If I could choose between dying and suffering for a loved one who died , I would choose to die without thinking . I would not choose it only out of altruism, to save that person ... I would also choose it out of selfishness, I would choose my death so that I would not suffer after theirs.

I would choose not to exist anymore, just so I don't have to feel the pain of losing someone . I would choose death so that I could choose the peace that comes with it.

The bar is quite crowded, I lean against the counter with a drink in my hand and look around. Hailey dances on the dance floor and I'm careful if anyone in doubt bothers her to intervene. I always took care of Hailey, and she took care of me. We're practically best friends ever. Maybe that has to do with the fact that our mothers gave birth to us on the same day.

I take a sip of the drink and continue my inspection. I've always enjoyed analyzing the people around me, being careful and noticing things that most people can't see. And the best part, I always know when someone is lying.

The music is nice so I move my head slightly to the beat and look up at the VIP area. At one of the tables is a group of 3 girls and two more boys. Two of them are sitting next to the boys, laughing and smiling, trying to get their attention, but not the third.

I can only see her back, she has long, red hair that falls on her back. Slim shoulders that fit the straps of the elegant dress she is wearing. He lifts his champagne glass and takes a sip and then turns his head towards me and I quickly analyze his face.

Small nose, perfect lips and full of red lipstick, high and thin cheekbones. Then something happens and she looks up at me, our eyes intersect and at that moment something happens inside me. Something that has never happened to me before.

Lightning flashes through my body and for a moment I forget where I am, I forget about the people around me, I even forget to breathe. Her ice-cold brown eyes stare at me for a moment, then she is distracted by one of her friends at the table, and she shifts her gaze.

And I recover, I breathe normally again, I hear the club music and the noise again.

I look at the drink in my hand and wonder if I drank too much, or if some drugs accidentally got there.

I turn around and look for Hailey, she seems to be arguing with a guy on the dance floor, so it's time to step in and save her.

I grab the guy by the shoulder:

-I suggest you leave her alone!

The guy returns with an expression of nervousness, but the moment he sees my face, he changes his attitude:

-Maxfild ... of course. I don't want to cause trouble!

They nod and he walks away from Hailey. The Maxfild family name is known in the city, thanks to our parents and my older cousins. The thing is, everyone knows not to mess with a Maxfild, because if you mess with one of us, then you mess with all of us.

It's the end of high school, which gives me a bittersweet feeling. In a way, I'm glad I finished school, that I don't have homework or other things, but on the other hand, I liked high school. I had great friends, I played football, but I was not as good as my cousins, Holder and Caden, but nevertheless, the sport brought me camps and invitations to all possible parties, popularity and many babes. Most people who know me would say that I have a perfect life. Personally, I'm happy with my life, but I feel like something is missing, but I still don't know what that thing is. But I'm young, I haven't even turned 18, I have time to find out everything along the way.

I'm graduating and our parents insist on taking pictures. Hailey is in one of her good times, so I don't have to worry about her. He smiles and seems to radiate happiness. Hailey and I are very similar, in fact, if you didn't know us, you might think we're brothers. We both have green eyes and brown hair, plus we were born on the same day ... we're almost twins, only we have different mothers. When it comes to this thing, mine comes up to me and gives me a bear hug:

-Congratulations, darling!

-Thank you, Mom!

Dad raised his fist and I hit him with his, grabbed my arm and pulled me in a strangling hug:

-Dad, you're making fun of me!

-I? I am Thomas Maxfild, the earth is made of gold where I tread. If I had been in this high school, I would have been the most popular here.

Kate, me, Kate, and Uncle Tyler are all upset at the same time. Dad narrows his eyes.

"I saw you."

-We know. That's why I did it, says the radiant mother.

Dad leans over to her.

"Watch out, Eli ... If you keep doing this, I'll have to take action."

-Ah, Thomas, we all know that all you need is an angry look from her and your legs will tremble, Kate teases him.

Dad looked at his mother and raised his eyebrows

slyly.

Kate and Hailey burst out laughing. My mother hits him on the head and I close my ears:

-Not in front of me, please!

-Ah, don't tell me I grew up so modest! says my father and puts his hand on his heart as if it hurts

-Leave your baby alone and let's get out of here until we leave him with more trauma than he already has! says Tyler

-Yes, like the traumas I have that you're my older brother?

-No, like the ones I have because you're my little brother.

-Ready, ready, enough, his mother scolds him affectionately.

He smiles at them, and they smile back at him. My mother is a beautiful woman, even now that she is not so young. She's not as beautiful as Aunt Kate, who, at 40 or so, still looks like she's taken off the cover of a magazine. But my mother has something else ... A kind of inner beauty, it's as if radiance of goodness and light. You can't sit next to her and feel like you're safe.