Never have I ever

With red puffy eyes filled with a nights worth of tears, Jasmine lifts herself out of her bed. She walks over to her dresser and grabs a tissue from its box to blow her nose. Jasmine tosses the soiled tissue into a nearby trash, and goes to grab her laptop from the corner of her dresser. She slides back into her cocoon of sadness, under the warmth of her bed sheets, she opens up her laptop. Jasmine logs into her social media to see a post of her Husband Micah. He wore a big toothy grin in his photo, and underneath it read "Only going up from here #positive vibes only #team success". Her heart fills with resentment as she stares at her husband's happy photo. She logs off, trying to fight back the tears from falling. Jasmine throws her head back, trying to keep her tears within the small creases of her eyes. " I got to let this out" she says to herself. She opens up a blank word document and starts to peck at her key board:

THE DREAM

" When I was a little girl, I always had the fairy tale picture in my head of what my life would be like. I wanted to be successful in my career being a Veterinarian. At the time I didn't want any kids just a bunch of dogs to fill a mini van. The sweet fantasy's of adolescence, so innocent and pure. As I grew older, inching closer to adulthood the vision of my life started to change. I desired to be married one day, and have the perfect pair of children. I envisioned a marriage straight out of a fairy tale, my husband to be, my knight in shining amour, storming into my life to save me from the captivity of loneliness. He would be my partner in crime for life, we would build together our empire. Together we would take on the world, and our love would conquer all. Adulthood sure has a way to slap a bitch in the face".....

THE FAIRY TALE

"You came into my life just as I envisioned, like a typhoon to the tropics to blow down all walls of comfort, and stood before me in all your magnitude. You were deliciously divine, instantly you stole my heart with no intent to give it back. Your imperfections illuminating before me, shined so brightly I couldn't see anything past your glorious radiance. I didn't give a care, you were like a refreshing breeze quenching the need for air, for I too was flawed, broken, hurt, damaged, and rebuilding from another failed battle.

You were the famished lion, and I was in your cross hairs to be your next meal. You ripped off layer after layer of me, such a forbidden pleasure it was! You reached my inner being, my spirit woman; you reached out and touched her. When you pulled away my essence wrapped around your fingers, and with you she went. She was in love. From then on you had all of me, my heart, my love, my body,my loyalty, and most importantly my trust. All of it was yours for enjoyment. You and I were inseparable, like two magnets we stuck, always drawn back to one another no matter how far we would pull. "

THE STRUGGLE

"We dealt with a lot of turbulence together, but through it I stayed 10 toes down. The same illumination in you that I fell in love with I wanted the whole world to see, Everyone needed to see how marvelous you were. I made it my personal job to protect you as you reach high for your dreams, even if it meant putting my own on a brief hold... When you fell in battle I was there to help pick you back up time after time. I took the beatings with grace, it was a pleasurable sacrifice I was willing to make for the greater good of us. You were destined for greatness! I was your scutum in battle, with me you won victory. We would celebrate in the most divine way, intertwined within one another, molding into one flesh, my spirit woman was intoxicated in love with you. From her, bore the ultimate gift one could give to another....life,with no shortness of perfections stood before me my dream of children. Our empire had been for filled. I was living in my fairy tale, rescued from captivity, sitting on the throne next to my king and our heirs. Unfortunately, in every fairy tale comes a hater who wants to ruin it all."

THE ROAD TO DESTRUCTION

"This road.... its the type of road you don't want to go down, its dark, its bumpy, its grimy, and leads you no where. You know when you're on it, but when you finally realize where you are, its to late to turn back. You have to ride it out until the next destination. Hold on, its about to get rough.

With all the victories and success, came the vultures and leeches wanting a piece of an empire they put nothing in to build. They were wolves disguised in sheep's clothing, smiling in our faces but really here to kill and destroy everything I sacrificed for. He was in danger again, but he didn't recognize it because it was clothed in an appeasing way to get close. They knew how to speak his language, so communication was effortless. The damsel in distress act, how pathetic and low of you to go. He had a heart to help anyone, never forgot his humble beginnings. 'be careful, I don't feel good about this, something seems off' I would say to him. He ignored my warnings, the weight of my words couldn't stand up to the enticing literature they spewed from their deceiving lips. LOOK OUT! IT'S A TRAP! I would scream deep from within. He didn't hear me. I go searching, under all the piles of text messages and late night calls,there he was, but the illuminating glow of him no longer blinded me. All the imperfections I undeniably wanted to see, was standing before me, and its it hands was my broken heart."

THE DISTRUST

"' Kintsugi' he would order, meaning "the golden repair" to the cracks of my jaded heart. He apologized to me for not listening, and even more so the betrayal. I was showered in gifts, a symbolization of his regret of his actions. Things changed, but not for the better. Down that road he went, my trust he lost, and never found. Out of fear, he never went back to find it so the space for it in our foundation remained empty. He asked to move forward, and leave our old empire behind, to start a new. I agreed, but without that essential tool I wasn't as strong as I once was before. We rebuilt, our empire looking more glorious than before. The victories and success continued to roll back in. His illuminating glow shined even brighter this time, drawing even more people to him. This house wasn't built the same as the first, this time it was built on the back of my insecurities. Its all that he gave to work with, due to the demand for him in success, I had to rebuild on my own."

"I felt like i could no longer trust him, and I asked if we could try somethings that could help return it. His heart turned to stone, and to answer my request he threw daggers of rage at me instead. He couldn't understand how I couldn't get over it, ' its old news move on!' he would say to me. 'Seems to me you didn't use real gold to repair the cracks of my heart' I would rebuttal. In such a hurry to get back to your loyal subjects, you neglected the foundation in which you stood on to get where you are now.

THE RAGE

"Now I am bitter, like an unripe fruit, in disgust you spit me out, and toss me to the side as if I no longer have value. How did we get here? How did I go from your right hand to below your feet? This treatment I can not accept! I don't deserve any of this! I have been loyal to you since the day YOU stormed into my life. All the late nights I stayed up with you, building and working, sweating and bleeding, working day in and day out. When you couldn't stand, I stood for you, when you couldn't walk, I walked for you!

The amount of tears I have shed are enough to fill your royal bath. I have nothing left to give you but this rage burning from inside of me. You yell back at me and say you are hurt too by this, but have no scars to show, instead you show me your ego, and my how much it has grown! your royal subjects fed you well. You are not the same man I married so long ago, that man loved me, cherished me, and honored me. You let the vultures in, and has changed everything. Why can't I get your help in this now, when I helped you with everything?! You puff up your chest like you built this empire all on your own, and deceive the public that it was all you, but that is all that it is deception. The contracts you have signed, were signed in my sweat and blood. When you had nothing in your pockets but a dream, like an ass strapped to a cart, I carried all the burdens on my back so you could run ahead, and catch your dreams.

Never have I ever been such a fool in love! How dare you ignore my grief and pain, treat me as though I was the one who offended and betrayed you! This is some peculiar treatment to the one you tell the world who is your wife. Or maybe it is your dream you are married to instead and I am merely a tool to help you reach her? I regret to inform you of this, but I am no longer going to sit and hold up the foundation of our empire while you sit on top. I am letting go, and if this bitch falls then down goes the king with all of his ego. Have your so called loyal subjects rebuild it for you and see how that looks with all the cracks and holes they will leave. For you will realize that the ones who smile in your face now, only want to ride on your coat tail to success, and when they get there you will be left in a room full of leeches.The choice is yours, your majesty, but choose quickly before you lose your wife."

Jasmine feeling rejuvenated, copy's her letter and sends it to her husband's email. She climbs out of bed, and opens the curtains hiding the sun shining behind it. Her phone vibrates from under her plush pillow, she reaches for it to see it was her best friend Christina calling. she answers

" Hey Chrissy... yea I am okay, I am getting up out of bed now....I had some things to get off my chest, and now I am starting to feel a sense of strength.... yup yup, I'm going to forward you what I just sent him....So what are you doing tonight? you want to go out?... Yea, I got a spot we can go too, he wants to play so lets play."