A whole new school, a new avenue where I can change things for myself so I could hopefully make a few friends now. I never knew what friends were till I came to Florida. Grandma got my mom an awesome vehicle, it was a brown Eagle so my mom could go to work. Grandma was sure trying to get things going in the right direction for us. Grandpa would come visit as well but since they had split, he wasn’t around as much as he used to be. Yeah, grandpa still took me to fun places for our birthdays. He truly was the only man in my life that showed me men could cry, men could hurt, and they had hearts that could break. Every time he seen me; he would have a tear in his eye because he knew what I had went through but if he would have done anything his life most likely would have been threatened. I could understand why he didn’t do anything, yet to be honest he did everything because I was taught to love by him. I was taught love didn’t have to hurt and never should hurt to the point you are black and blue. I mean love does come with some ups and downs but how we bring love back depends on how love could feel for us.
All in all, life was amazing, school was going great, I was having sleep overs and doing fun things after school. Life was pretty awesome except for when grandma would grab her green bucket. I knew then it was time to get my play clothes on and get outside with my green bucket. I mean this bucket was almost as big as I was but I still could carry it and put sticks in it out of the yard so grandma could mow. My grandma Dola loved being outside in the Florida sunlight, her yard had tons of flowers to the point you could go on nature walks. Very welcoming and loving home. Things were really going great because my sister Mandy was coming down for a bit. Grandma had my mom on a very strict schedule, she was to be home by 9 at night so she could be at home with me unless she had to work. She was not allowed to go partying or anything, if she was at home during dinner, she would be told to eat everything on her plate. I will say my mom did not like this one bit because she was so used to going out as she pleased.
Finally, Mandy my sister got in from Alaska, it was so nice to see her because I didn’t know her very well. I knew my sister Des pretty well because she would always try to come visit when she could. Mandy on the other hand was the smart one who didn’t put up with mom’s crap. Anyways that day was awesome till nighttime came, mom figured oh Mandy is here, she can be Kelonie’s babysitter while she went out. Mandy was even there for one night and our mom is out missing her men. I remember Mandy crying and begging for mom to stay so they could spend time together but nope. Mom went on with stating that she was an adult, she could do whatever she wanted when she wanted. Even grandma got in on the action, she told her you leave and go out don’t come back. Well mom went even though tears were streaming down grandma’s face. Only once have I ever seen grandma cry, she always tried to stay strong for the family, but I could see she was breaking. That night Mandy spent time with me and headed back home the next day while mom was gone. Mom was kicked out that night and mom made me come while we lived in the car. Grandma was fighting to keep me with her but just didn’t happen.
Since mom had no babysitter now, I was stuck going with her everywhere she went. I remember one time we went to a building that had neon signs with no windows. I was not allowed to go in, so my mom made me cover up to make it look like no one was in the car while she went in to get her freak on. Yeap that is right, my mom was stripping in a night joint for some extra cash. I don’t think it was for cash as much as I believe it was for sex because she ended up getting back with Lenny to be honest. Just say that didn’t last at all because I was starting to have accidents with my bladder and Lenny didn’t like that, so he got mean with me. He went to jail and my mom was pissed about it. She told me it had been my fault they split in the first place, now it is my fault that he is in jail. I was forced to go to the jail that he was being held in and told to apologize to my true daddy.
In my mind that was not my daddy, this is where I started to discover that I had a mind and that the mind had powers I could not control. I actually started to hear voices but was still too young to really put them to use if that makes any sense. This is where I started to discover my depression as well because no matter what I did, I could never make my mother happy. To tell the truth I don’t think anyone really could ever make her happy. I think my mom mentally just wasn’t all there and wouldn’t admit that she needed help with medicine. Let me put it this way, my mom knew how to work people to her advantage. People who didn’t know her very well would swear she was an angel. Okay my mind needs to put in some input on this.
‘What the heck! This woman who is my mom is considered an angel. Have people lost their minds? I think they have personally lost it themselves as well. Here I am being looked at as a devil’s child that abuses her mom, and I won’t let my mom be happy. What a way to make me look in front of others but in her eyes, she was perfection.”
Well at least if I let my mind come into play, you all can get a clear picture of my life. To put everything together my mom was an attention whore who hated people that cared or showed love for me. I was the unwanted, so I should be only shadowed in a corner and made to believe I was never there to begin with.
Of course, like I said before mom left Lenny again and put on the water works to grandma that everything was against her. Mom even stated she was turning over a new leaf and yeah, I wanted to choke laughing on that one. Well grandma being the loving woman she is took us back in like always. As known, life was just perfect with grandma unless she made me work and I didn’t want to. That is almost any kid if you think about it but worse now than it was back then. I ended up back in school again where I met my dearest friend. He wasn’t haven’t it easy either with his home life and we both were bullied because we didn’t have the best of clothes like others. Randy and I would always find a corner where we could sit, enjoy talking before we had to go home. I look forward going to school just to be with him, you can say maybe this was my first boyfriend or crush. I mean however you want to put it. My happiness would soon fade, two weeks had gone by with no Randy. Here I thought he was my best friend and now all of a sudden, he has disappeared from me. I mean after a week of him being gone I got used to being alone again with no one.
As the two weeks passed, I went to class to see everyone in tears. The teacher had pulled me aside to tell me there was a murder and that Randy would never be coming back. I didn’t understand till she went on to say that Randy’s dad got drunk. It was known that Randy’s family had abuse going on in the home but back then nobody did anything. Randy’s dad had gone over the edge because Randy has refused to clean his room. Well, that night his dad shot the whole family and then pulled the trigger on himself. My best friend was gone because the system failed to notice the signs of abuse. My life was just struck down by thunder and storms just brewed in each day. The bullying kept going and the tears shed were nothing but fake tears because to be honest they didn’t care back then.
Life went on and times got no easier, mom become even more in the department of wanting men in her life. Except now there was more than one she would be with. Each night of the week she had a different man, and it wasn’t fun at all. At least one time she met a really sweet guy, the guy was handicap and couldn’t work. Mom would go to work while him and his mom would watch me. He was truly wonderful, would read me books, play games with me and his mom would cook us dinner. To keep him watching me, my mother would lie to the guy by giving him sex and telling him she loved him. This went on for months till the guy decided he was going to pop the big question. That is one thing you don’t do with my mom and that is ask her to marry you. He was just so excited and his mom as well because I was the only grandchild that would be in their family. Well, when he popped the question, it didn’t go off well at all. My mom was so mean to him and that day I learned what true evil was. Evil was the shape of my mother who said the meanest things to this guy. She told him that he was considered stupid because he was handicap, she didn’t date idiots and that she was only using him for a babysitter. It hurt me beyond belief that words like that could come out, I knew why she didn’t want him and that is because he loved me like a daughter. Mom wouldn’t be the center of attention with him or his mom.
I gave my buddy one last hug, told him I loved him, waved bye to his mom. I was hurting inside because he would have been the perfect dad for me. He could have taught me how love could truly be in family without any form of abuse. I could have learned a man’s hand was gentle and kind instead of fists balled up punching. Yet this was not to be for me because I was my mom’s only punching bag. Tears streaming down his face he begged if he could still watch me, and she told him no that he was never allowed to see his Kelonie again. I was shoved in the car crying myself, my mom sped off and all I could see was him running at the car screaming to come back. I can’t remember his name but I have always remembered the love he had gave. I could only hope that he found his true love that cherished him from head to toe. Yeah, I still think about him till this day, but I like to keep in mind that he was like my hero who didn’t wear a cape.