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Memories of Hope

Anything Can Change

By VANESSA MARTINEZPublished 3 years ago 10 min read
1
By: Vanessa Martinez

Growing up I remember looking out my window at all the kids playing outside. I would see some of their parents playing with them and I would think about how happy they all looked. I wondered if their happiness was the same when they were at home. I observed how close they seemed to be with their parents and how interactive all the moms and even some dads were with their own children. Sadness overwhelmed me when I thought of my own parents or should I say, the adults I live with as their own personal house cleaner. I wished so badly that somehow my parents would disappear and never come back and somehow a new set of parents would appear in their place. But, of course, that would never happen. It wasn’t all bad, I remember the times my grandma would come over to take care of me when she was alive. It was always enjoyable when Grandma Susie was around, she made everything so fun and always baked her famous chocolate cake. It was my favorite and granted it wasn’t famous, but for me, it was everything, one slice of that delicious chocolaty richness and all my problems would disappear. After school I knew when Grandma Susie was at my house because I could smell the chocolate cake baking from a few houses down. I really miss her and our times we shared. I wish my mom were more like my grandma; but sadly, she isn’t. I know it’s bad, and some may not even believe when I say my parents do not love me, but I know they really don’t at all. And I believe they never will.

Another sunny morning and I must be stuck inside doing all her chores. Why can’t I be like every other kid out there and just wake up and go play outside? “Stop standing around Jessica, this house isn’t going to clean itself, you selfish child! Always thinking about yourself, I swear if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you weren’t even my kid.” My mother obtrusively shouted. I hurriedly scurried to the kitchen to grab the broom and mop, when my father walked into the kitchen at the same time. His eyes met mine, I tried to give a smile, but my smile was very quickly wiped off my face as soon as it began. “Why isn’t my breakfast and coffee already waiting for me?” He bellowed. I did not know what to say, my mother had me cleaning and my father wants to eat. I am only one little girl, what more do they want from me? “I, I, mother wants me to clean.” I pointed out sadly. And before I could even say another word or even blink my father stormed over to me and back handed me across my face. My small, framed body immediately fell to the ground. I began to cry, “I’m sorry daddy I’ll make something for you right now.” He looked at me then turned away and headed to the table. “You see what you make me do? If you would only do what you’re supposed to, this wouldn’t happen.” My father snarled. I quickly got up and gathered everything that I dropped and began to cook and clean at the same time. Luckily, mom had not noticed, and all my work was done in a timely fashion. It was times like this that I would miss Grandma Susie so much more. Everyone was happier and more at ease when she was around. After my morning chores I would usually go to school but since it was summer break it meant time to rest, play, and travel for most. Here at my home, it was a bit different. It was work for my parents and chores and more chores for me, “no time to play, time is money.” My father would constantly say. In a way I suppose he was right, but it shouldn’t have been that way for me. I was merely a child, which they seemed to overlook every single time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my parents, I really did. But they needed to change how they treated me and how they saw me. Maybe one day, as I get a little older, they will see how I’m so much more than they make me out to be. I will make them proud to call me their daughter. I’ll show them by doing as I am told and by continuing to make perfect grades in school. They’ll see, I’ll show them, I just know it. I sit in my room after another long day of cooking, cleaning, and laundry, pondering of how amazing it will be when they finally see me as a daughter they can love and be proud of. “It’s going to be so great.” I whisper to myself with the biggest smile on my face. As I crawl into bed, I feel good and have hope for a wonderful future. That night a dream unlike any other came to me. It was my grandma, she was wearing her favorite dress, it was dark blue with small blue cloth pressed on flowers. She always looked so beautiful in that dress. She looked just as I remembered her last, smiling so brightly and gently calling me over to her. As she turned her head to look at me, she motioned for me to follow, so I did. We walked in silence together. It was amazingly pulchritudinous, I didn’t know where we were headed, but I also didn’t care, I was with my most favorite person in this entire world, my grandma. As we walked, I wished I could stay with her forever. I would glance up at her and just stare I wanted to cry but couldn’t, all I could do was smile. My heart filled with warmth. My grandma finally stopped walking as we had approached a small but beautiful pond. The water was so clear but somehow looked gold. It was amazing. Grandma Susie pointed across the pond, as I looked to where she pointed, I saw myself, but I was older and happy. I looked on as a young child ran up to me and my older self-reached down and picked up this small boy. I hugged him so tightly and he giggled. We looked so happy; just then an older woman appeared as she touched the back of this small boy. She smiled at the boy and at me. That’s when I realized this old woman was my mother. Could this truly be my future that my grandmother wanted to show me or was it sadly just a dream that my heart wanted in real life? I don’t know, but all I do know is that I don’t want it to end. But where was my father? I didn’t see him. I looked up at my grandmother and reached for her, she slowly turned down toward me still smiling. I asked her, “where is my dad?” She looked at me and once again just pointed, this time she pointed up. I quickly looked up thinking I would see him but didn’t. I was a bit confused for a second then just as promptly effectuated that he was no longer living. My heart felt heavy and had an emptiness to it. But once again, tears could not fall from my eyes. And then just as briskly as I had seen my grandmother, she was gone, and I had awakened as the morning light hit my face. Tears rolled down my cheeks, both from joy and from sadness. I rolled over unsure if my dream would be reality, all I know is I must make the most of the time I have with my father, even if he is as mean as he is now. A month and a half have passed since my dream, and I have done so much to make my father happy that he hasn’t once yelled at me and has even laughed at my so-called humor. My mom has been home more since she got a raise at work and has even been cleaning and cooking and has allowed me to play outside after my small number of chores have been completed. Everything feels different, it feels like I have a family. Every night I pray that my grandma would reappear in my dreams but alas, it has not happened. I am grateful for the memory of her coming to me when I needed her most.

I think back to all the time spent with my father and how much he had changed, for not only himself but for me as well. He became the man, husband, and father I had always hoped for and knew he could become. I sit in my living room staring out the window and ponder to all the years we shared and wished he could have seen the birth of my first born. As I am daydreaming of what could have been I hear the pitter patter of little feet running toward me. “Mommy, mommy, look what I made for you.” My enthusiastic son demands. “It’s a drawing, that’s daddy, grandma, and that’s you.” He points. I look at the drawing and smile. But before I could say a single word, I notice on the drawing another person in the very background. “Who is that baby boy?” I ask my son. He looks at me and says, “that’s Grandma Susie, she’s really nice mommy.” I stare at my son bewildered. How could he even know about my grandma I have never told him about her, I thought he was still too young. As I look at my baby boy who stands there smiling so grandly and so proud of his artwork, I look again at the drawing and see something else I have never once told my son about, a piece of chocolate cake. How could this be? Maybe my mom told him about her. I kiss my son on his forehead and tell him how beautiful the picture is and walk over to my phone to call my mom. She answers on the third ring. I immediately ask her if she had ever told my son about Grandma Susie. And just as I had thought she says she had never told him a single word about her. Without any further reason as to why I asked her, I hung up the phone and swiftly walked to my son’s room. He was on the floor playing with his train set. I go in and sit down on the floor next to him. I rubbed his shoulder. “Sweetheart, can you tell mama how you know about Grandma Susie?” I ask with a calm in my voice as to not bring alarm to him. He continues playing as he begins to tell me that Grandma Susie comes to him as he sleeps almost every night. My mouth opens but no words come out. He goes on saying that she told him that he is going to have a baby sister soon. My son goes on with his story, he states that he must tell his grandma to help him make a big chocolate cake for me because it was my favorite. He stops playing with his train and looks up at me, “mommy what is my sister’s name?” I don’t quite know how to respond, so I simply giggle and begin to tickle his little stomach. Months go by, I realize that the dream my son had talked about wasn’t just a dream but was my grandma letting my son know that everything was going to be fine. As I lay in bed holding my new daughter in my arms and remembering the hope I long ago held onto, the warmth that I once connected with sadness filled my heart but this time there was no sadness, only pure and utter joy.

Short Story
1

About the Creator

VANESSA MARTINEZ

I am a single and disabled mom of two awesome young men and an amazing Chihuahua, Pebbles. I love and enjoy writing and am currently in the process of writing a book. I hope that one day I will be able to share my words with the world.

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