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Melting Marble

And the Temple we Were Building

By Mackenzie DavisPublished 7 months ago 1 min read
16
Melting Marble
Photo by Lachlan Gowen on Unsplash

The snow was thick eyelashes, freezing into my hair. Yours was stiff to the touch, as if Zeus himself was sculpting you impatiently. I realize now how often the sky father made an appearance in our hot tub conversations, pulsing the psychic thread like it was a harp.

That garden goddess, Athena, watched us argue over semantics, certainly rolling her eyes at our narrow arena. I held us back, I knew it, and you made it known. Had I been able to reach into your mind and pull out the goddess’ clone, I think I could have learned my lesson sooner. I could have saved us time.

The truth was, I was melting any attempts to carve me anew, while you, stoic in your puzzle piece quest, took the weathering with a smile and a joke. All that philosophy, condensed into steam amongst the winter clouds.

After darkness fell and we finally felt the coolness of our heads, I was comforted knowing I could still rest my temple on your chest and listen to the steady beat of your heart.

Microfiction
16

About the Creator

Mackenzie Davis

“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll

Find me elsewhere.

Copyright Mackenzie Davis.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  1. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  2. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

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Comments (10)

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  • Joe O’Connor2 months ago

    Amazing. Love the stillness of the final part, after all the words. “stoic in your puzzle piece quest” is such a good line!

  • Donna Fox (HKB)4 months ago

    Wow Mackenzie, this was breath taking! Your vocabulary choices felt poetic and really gave a flow and elegance to the piece! This was so beautifully illustrated! Great work!

  • Poppy 6 months ago

    Oh my gosh Mackenzie. Okay, I'm like you, I can't pick favourites either😂I swear every piece I read of yours I decide is my favourite until I read another. But this one is next level breathtaking, even for you. Like almost every line I had to reread to fully marvel in it. 'Yours was stiff to the touch, as if Zeus himself was sculpting you impatiently.' 'pulsing the psychic thread like it was a harp' 'stoic in your puzzle piece quest' Ahhh!! It's just insanely good!! No words can do it justice. Please please please publish a book. I need to physically hold this in my hands

  • Cendrine Marrouat7 months ago

    Mackenzie, this is a masterpiece! "All that philosophy, condensed into steam amongst the winter clouds." - A haiku turned into a fiction piece!

  • Lilly Cooper7 months ago

    So much complexity in a short form. Well done ❤️

  • Awww, this was so sweet and adorable! So beautifully written and very poetic as well! I loved this so freaking much!

  • Kenny Penn7 months ago

    I really enjoyed the language here. Your use of metaphors and similes in this piece is impressive as well as beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

  • Not exactly the hot time one hopes to have in the hot tub with your beloved. Still, conversation is good, especially when you are able to come through it together.

  • Hannah Moore7 months ago

    This feels like such a wrestle between what is known and what is wanted. I didnt get the Athena's clone reference? May be my poor mythology knowledge? I feel I am missing a piece of meaning as a result.

  • Rob Angeli7 months ago

    Snow as melting marble on your hot-tub conversation. I like the melding of the description you use to describe the external atmosphere into the whole psychology/mental aspect of the interlocutors. The presence of Athena and the sky forces is very palpable as at once cerebral/meteorological. Your imagery is astounding. You really excel at this dense kind of prose poem, and I always feel you let us participate in constructing the particulars; you say you hadn't looked much into philosophy, but one thing I really love about your work is the philosophical/spiritual dimension that allows itself to be taken from any angle.

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