Man's Best Friend

My humans left for their day jobs just now and that means I can curl up on their bed in comfort without getting caught. There is a crate in the living room and several cozy floor rugs where I could spend the lonely hours, but let's be honest. Is the floor or a cage really the place for man's best friend? I guess my recently adopted sibling, Teddy, can go in the crate if he wants, but I'm staying on the bed!

Teddy and I aren't the best of friends. He doesn't like me much. Probably because I was here first. Also I bit him the first time our human parents left us alone together but that can't possibly be why...No, it's because he's new to the family and I rule the roost here.

Honestly, I don't like Teddy much either. He is needy. He drools a lot. He is "eating us out of house and home" according to Dad. His farts smell like steamed broccoli. He gets the zoomies sometimes and knocks over, well, everything that isn't bolted to the floor. I thought doodles were supposed to be smart and very trainable! So far, I am...significantly less than impressed.

The other day, a few minutes after "the incident" where Teddy zoomied right into the bookshelf and shattered Great Nana's urn, I heard our humans talking in the bedroom. Dad was yelling about "getting rid of these goddamn useless creatures" and "freakin' parasites" and, to be honest, I felt a bit scared by all the yelling but only for half of a second, tops.

They couldn't be talking about us, right? Well, maybe Teddy. But not ME! They've had me since I was a baby! I'm their closest companion! I'm their snuggle buddy! AND, I am useful. I'm no freeloading, nutrient stealing, intestinal distress causing, piece of... well, I do poop in the house sometimes but I try really hard not to and you know how it is when you get older...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that while Teddy is definitely useless and may be loosely describable as a parasite, I have a definite purpose, many actually. Hmmm...come to think of it, if anything, I am a symbiote!

You understand symbiosis, right?

Not really?

Ah, no problem. Happy to help! (See? Look at me being so useful again!)

Symbiosis is when organisms coexist and rely upon each other for something. A mutually beneficial relationship, if you will.

Unlike parasitic organisms, symbiotic ones make one another's lives easier!

Take what is probably the most famous pair...the shark and the remora. Remoras will attach themselves to a shark and eat any parasites that are living on the shark's skin. This gives the remora a snack, protection from predators, and the shark gets the equivalent of a good exfoliant scrub at the spa!

Or, the crocodile and the Egyptian Plover bird! That's another great example! The birds get to snack on between teeth leftovers and the crocodiles get a free dental cleaning. I guess flossing with crocodile hands would be a bit tricky. This bird-in-the-mouth system works for them though!

Now that you understand symbiosis a bit better, wouldn't you agree that I fit the definition? Let's take a closer look at our relationship (and let's leave Teddy out of it because we've already decided he is, at best, useless, ok?)

My humans give me shelter.

My humans provide me with as much food as I want.

My humans give me a cozy place to sleep.

And in turn,

I keep my humans company.

I provide them with lots of attention.

I give them interesting itchy rashes to panic over.

I inspired that cute little nighttime rhyme they say to tease their kids.

Ah, yes. I feel better now. I have nothing to worry about. Dad wasn't talking about me. That exterminator he called before leaving for work today must be coming tomorrow to "fumigate" Teddy, whatever that means. Poor dog. Sure, he is cute, (remember that photo of him that I put at the beginning?) but what a useless parasite!

Anyway, time for bed for me! I've got a long night's work ahead, you know.

Good night, sleep tight! You know the rest...

***Author's Note***

Sorry, I couldn't resist!