In my Nature

They told me I had no choice. I had to fight, and fight to the death. I had to kill or be killed. That was the only luxury I was granted, that was the only choice. They could see the darkness inside me, the evil that lurked just below the surface, and wanted it released. I could not give into hopelessness or I would be defeated. I could not give into rage or they would have succeeded. They were already succeeding. I was changing, I could feel it. The monster within was being provoked and my physical being was adapting to match my innermost self. My pointed ears, too tall to be hidden by my hair was evidence of that fact. They were hideous, the physical embodiment of the evil that I had tried so desperately to hide. But they saw it. They knew it, recognised it. It called to them, pleaded. And they felt the power it could provide them if it were liberated. Another being just like themselves added to their ranks. I had to resist. I needed to quash the swell of rampant malice that threatened to tear me apart.

I focused on my breathing. Taking one deep breath after another. Taking each second individually, keeping in control. What they said and did and wanted didn't matter. I was my own master, and I would not succumb to their wishes. I would look to the light, and keep looking. Look past the dread and fear and darkness that surrounded me. Look to the light. Take each moment individually. One step at a time. Control.

I was gradually escorted to the large arena, it was certainly a sight to behold. A large metal cage occupied the centre of the stadium grounds. Thirty meters in diameter, and five meters tall. The stadium was very grand, a solid stone circumference, lined with row upon row of seating and stands that held a horde of the Gods hideous minions, eagerly awaiting to be entertained by death. I was impatiently prompted to step out onto the sandy ground, and my movement appeared to dismiss all sound. Peering around I noted five corridors identical to my own, and in front of each stood a fierce looking warrior clad in sturdy armour, with deadly looking weapons in their hands. Three of them were male and two female. The bulky guards at my side ushered me forward, and closed my entrance to the death cage behind me.

I could sense eyes on me; but I stood tall and defiant facing the helmeted warriors. The remnants of the control I clung to was slowly fading away. Still I stood tall and defiant. No helmet on my head, no armour on my body, no weapon in my hand, no fight in my stance. My sensitive ears heard the shallow breaths of the confused warriors, and the click as each entrance to the cage was locked, trapping the six of us within. I could feel the warm grains of sand scratching the underneaths of my bare feet. I could smell the sweat and the blood, soaked into the ground of previous victims of the games. I could taste the scorching air on my dry tongue. And then I could see them. The Gods.

A rumbling female voice sliced through the tense atmosphere. "Welcome all!" It said, "Today is a very special day! And to mark the occasion, we provide you with a gift. In the cage before you, witness, the five most fearsome warriors of our games!" A revolting sound of over-excited cheering roared around the arena, as the five warriors raised their weapons in salute to the crowd. "And in honour of this glorious occasion!" the female voice rumbled again, "We have the pleasure to present to you! In the cage! Our infamous! Undying! Enemy!" Again the crowd of minions exclaimed with delight. However the warriors glanced at me warily, caution creeping into their movements. "Glorious, most skilled warriors! On this very special day! You! Have the honour! And privilege! Of breaking this supposed heroes strength and spirit! Break her control! Her loyalty to the light! Break her confidence! And free her true self, that she imprisons desperately!" the noise in the arena rose and rose with each comment and the result was deafening. But the voice still rang through, unheeded. "And when she is broken! The games may begin! Only one of you will leave alive! You fight for your life!" I had never heard anything quite like it. Each snort and grunt and bark and cackle registered individually and was amplified tenfold. It was overwhelming and I could feel my control seeping away.

One breath at a time. Show no pain. Feel no pain. One slow breath after another. When I focused on my surroundings, I noted that the warriors had discarded their helms, and instead smug, sadistic grins were plastered on their faces. Like predators stalking very easy prey, they made their way towards me and circled. I willed myself to be strong. Not to give in. Not to fight back. For if I fought back, they would have succeeded, I would have broken. The monster I truly am would be revealed for all to see. Give me strength, I begged. And then it began.

Standing tall and defiant I closed my eyes and waited. Feel no pain. Then the first one hit. A punch in the abdomen winded me, and before I could get my breath back the pommel of a sword smacked across my jaw. Next I was kicked in the back and my legs were taken from underneath me. I slumped to my knees and heaved in lungfuls of air. I was hit again in the back of the head and shortly afterwards they all came raining down on me in such quick succession I was unable to differentiate one blow from another. Feel no pain! Feel no pain! No pain! Ouch! Pain! I lay a crumpled mess on the floor as the warriors relentlessly pummelled me into the ground. But then I received one painful hit to the head too many. My control snapped and rage set in.

I was broken, I could no longer feel the pain. All I saw was red. All I knew was red. My anger boiled ferociously and the light that I had desperately clung to was clouded over by a storm. A tumult of humiliation and fury raged through my whole being. That is when I became aware of my new limb. The pain of its rapid growth had blended in with the pain of my beating. However, its movement felt second nature, as though I had never been without it. They had won, and now, body and mind, I was as ugly as my enemy. My thoughts were overwhelmed with anger and my actions were fuelled by revenge. I lay supine, my body withstanding blow after continuous blow. My tail cracked through the air like a whip and wrapped itself around the bulging neck of the most brutish warrior. I squeezed. The giant man stopped struggling and fell limp to the sand, his unseeing eyes staring up at the sky. I swept my fierce tail around, bringing the remaining four crashing down. We all managed to scramble upright at the same time, and I allowed instinct to take over. The game had just begun.

One foolish woman decided to charge at me as the others scrambled for their weapons. I was not in the mood for graceful nonsense, so merely stepped aside and kicked her to her knees as she ran past. Stepping up behind her I wrapped my arms around her head and twisted forcefully. She slumped forwards when I released her. I swivelled around avoiding a knife in the back and head-butted my attacker. He stumbled backwards in a daze, I took the sword from his hand and plunged it into his chest. The final two warriors charged me simultaneously from opposite directions. I threw my borrowed sword around and the female dropped. The remaining male ran towards me and into the sharp arrow head at the tip of my tail, impaling himself. The newly awakened darkness in me admired the destruction I had caused and revelled in the astounded silence that had fallen. I turned so I could look directly at my captors. "They were your best?!" I questioned. "I have to admit being fairly disappointed, I would have enjoyed a challenge!"

The deranged laughter that greeted my declaration disturbed me to the core. "Well done champion!" Came a voice, "We present you with a gift!" All of the occupants of the arena turned their gazes to the approaching company of guards. Once they were close enough for me to make out their faces, they broke rank. Two of them dumped a man's struggling body on the ground at their feet. Stepping to the edge of the cage and peering through the strong bars, I stopped short. My throat closed off and my heart skipped several beats. "Connaire!" I gasped. He fought to pick himself up, only to be roughly strewn back down. All was lost to me as I met his eyes and I saw the broken, defeated expression on his dirty, blood-caked face. His soft lips moved to form my name. I struggled to breath. My head swam. I fell to my knees and my fists turned white as I gripped the bars separating us, my tail fell limp behind me. And I was forced to watch helpless as the light faded from his eyes and the air left his lungs. Forever. He was gone.

It was a number of prolonged heartbeats later, when I felt the tears streaming down my devastated face that I reacted. I screamed out in pain as my heart shattered and my back tore apart. Now I was completely broken. Red was all that I was aware of as I remained trapped in the now suffocating cage. Strong wings on my back flapped manically, and I screamed and swore and cursed and screamed some more. "I will kill you all!" I promised in fury. I kept picturing the look on Connaire's face before he died.

With my rage and fury so completely unending, overwhelming. I allowed it to take over. It was a song, and I sang its lyrics. The tune, dark and mellow, sharp yet slurring. I sang the old song that everybody knew, but as I sang, the lyrics rang true.

Once upon the darkest night

The light and love ran off in fright

And in the end they all did say

“Please forgive,” but she said “Nay!”

She said “Nay!” They all fell still

The living then lost their will

“From me you took, now I take from you.

For the Angel of Death, has ris’n anew!”

“Your fear of me, is fear for you,

Because all my love and light you slew.

You fear death, and that is I,

For I am the Angel you’ll see when you die.”

On the edge of my awareness I registered the rumbling female voice again. "Beloved and devout followers!" It announced, "On this blessed day! We are proud to present to you! Our very own! ANGEL OF DEATH!"