Frozen in a pond

The first bayou trip required a bus pickup from three French Quarter hotels on the hot summer day of 8/21/21. Naturally, the hotels being clustered together meant that pickups could have occurred at two hotels rather than three but money can always buy the luxury of having people wait on you rather than you on them.

The bayou is in interesting thing – it can be considered a stream, river, lake, wetland, creek, or even a pond. Usually water is swampy or brackish and contains fish and fauna.

Speaking of waiting, no less than 8 young girls in matching hats carrying Yves St. Laurent and other designer bags with matching sickeningly sweet designer perfume ran to the bus late from the Ritz-Carrolton. The hats were remarkable, with little cloths attached to cover the neck – better suited for archaeological digs or deserts than a 1-2 hour trip on an airboat to see alligators in the bayou.

Being COVID, plus delta COVID, passengers wore masks on the bus. Of course, masks need to come off to consume beverages and eat snacks. The girls were chittering in all manner about their lives being in the other passengers hands and requested that “everyone keep their masks on” while also sending each other pictures of their night before – unmasked, dancing in crowds, and drinking on Bourbon Street. They also requested to open the emergency windows on the bus, which was denied considering that they’re emergency windows.

Later on this ride, they of course ask “how much longer will it take to get there” and naturally the response is that we’d be there sooner if they weren’t late. To which they submitted a complaint about being bullied. These pretentious bitches weren’t on the bus ride back.

Once on the airboat, one is treated to all manner of fancy driving tricks by the bayou boys – including being soaked in water. The sites are astounding – Spanish moss skimming the water. Alligators large and small can be seen swimming. Some of the land masses house several common critters, which come running to be fed marshmallows. Sometimes marshmallows and sausages were fed to the alligators as well.

Interestingly, alligators get in fights with each other and some will lose their eyes. They also get sexually excited about specific interactions with humans including kisses. The bayou freezes in the winter, during which time alligators hibernate.

Back to the pretentious bitches. You could hear them shrieking about getting wet with swamp water, which for the rest of the bus passengers was a delicious form of poetic justice. Later on, we waited for them to get on the bus back. When they didn’t show up, the other two groups all cheered. Members of both groups had wanted to toss them in the water or off the bus – basically, to put them in their place. The likely bet is that they used family money to get their own ride back.

But just for speculation, they may show up at the bottom of the frozen bayou, or float upon the first thaw. The karma and poetic justice associated with such a strange twist of fate can’t be ignored. After all, graves are dug differently to prevent the occurrence of corpses floating and washing away during floods. Would the world be hurting with 1-8 less pretentious, entitled people living off family money? Perhaps the brackish or salty portions of the bayou will preserve their slender frames for return to sender. Or chunks will be found in gator bellies as the soft babies get larger. Might be a lesson for the girls who were wearing gator boots and carrying gator bags.