French Villa Abby

After a night of mild debauchery, I was lying in bed nearly over the edge into sound sleep, when I thought I could hear voices. Startled just enough to open my eyes and raise my head to look, I saw the open French windows and remembered I was in the villa. The street below was frequently active into the early morning hours, it was part of why Paris Abby enjoyed the location so much.

I rested my head again and closed my eyes, half thinking that I ought to get up and close the windows. Safe and friendly tho the neighborhood was, you never know when a maurader or confused drunk might find their way in. Resigning myself to that feeling of annoyance you experience when you elect to rouse yourself from the would be glorious clutches of sleep, I slid my legs to the edge of the bed and sat up.

In my increased wakefulness, I discerned that the bustling I had imagined was in the streets below the window was in fact inside the apartment. My stupor giving way to curiosity, I got up to investigate. The earlier voices I had heard were female. I half expected to find that Paris Abby had some friends or roommates that had access to the place for the same purpose I had, to sleep one off.

However, upon reaching the living room and clicking on a lamp, the light fell upon a man in a black hoodie stuffing items into a backpack. Evidently not expecting to be interrupted, he spun around quite startled and pointed gun.

“Don’t try anything lady.”

“Ah,” I said, remaining calm for this was hardly the worst situation I had ever found myself in. “So you’re not a local.”

“What?” His confusion at my calm was evident in that ‘what’ as his aim with the firearm waivered ever so slightly.

“Well you speak English and you don’t have a French accent, so I presume you’re not from here.”

“You stay where you are, I’ll shoot.” He straightened his back as if to make himself taller and thus more intimidating.

“You might.” I continued, now thinking out loud, for I was now genuinely intrigued. “I could have selected this moment as a possible out for myself, but I’m not entirely sure that I want to use it. I may not have any specific grand plans for the future, or what we think of as the future in human linear time, but still, I do think I’m not ready yet to stop enjoying this particular incarnation.”

“Are you high?” He lowered his gun at the thought that I may be too outside my right mind to be of any threat to him. Seeing no sense in dishonesty, I responded, “I could be. I thought I’d come down, but I haven’t had the opportunity to complete a rejuvenating sleep yet, no thanks to you.”

This light jab seemed to wrankle him not a little as he re-steadied his aim.

“Ok, let’s not get sensitive, I just don’t think I chose you as an out.”

“What the fuck are you babbling about out?”

“You know, an out. Before you incarnate into this third density avatar, you pick a few dozen outs for yourself. Options for ending the avatar. It’s like a checkpoint in a video game, but instead of saving your place, you just kill off your avatar and then you can pick a new one. You know, after your life review process..”

“Bitch! If you don’t shut up I will - “

BANG!!!

Or would you say ‘bong’? Well, whatever sound is appropriate for the moment a fire extinguisher collides with the back of a human skull. And suddenly, my could be ‘out’ of an armed burglar dropped out of my eyeline to be replaced with a heavily tattooed and quite fit version of me.

“Hey there, friend!” She said confidently. “No need to panic, I’m you, I mean you no harm. I go by Frankie, and this here is Abby.” She stepped to the side and gestured towards the bedroom door opposite the living room. A more subdued version of me poked her head around the door frame and surveyed the scene, evidently calculating whether it was safe to emerge. Seeing our armed intruder unconscious in a heap, she seemed to relax and stood fully in the doorway.

“Helloooo,” she said awkwardly.

“You must be new at this.” I chuckled in her direction.

“Shit, is it that obvious?” She said looking to Frankie for confirmation.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I mean, clearly it’s only obvious to other us-es,” she shrugged as she threw a careless thumb in the direction of the heap on the floor. “Not sure what the plan was with that little speech you had going for him, but well done tying his brain in knots, there, Abs.”

“Oh,” I realized it was my turn to give an introduction. “I go by Nat. Or Nattie. Makes these little alternate selves run-ins easier.”

“Do I need to come up with some alternate nickname for myself?” Abby made a half hand raise motion as if about to ask a question in a classroom. “ And what was that you were saying about outs? How do you know if something is an out?”

“Relax, New Kid,” Frankie interjected. “So, nice place you have here, Miss Nat. Got any good food in?”

“You can’t possibly want to eat again.” Abby spat incredulously.

“What fun is timeline hopping if I can’t enjoy the food? And this is Earth France, it’s the high classiest, bourgeoise royalty-est, rudest food this side of the Milky Way.” Frankie professed in her sassy, carefree way as she made her way to the kitchenette to examine the fridge.

“Not sure Paris Abby has any snacks in, she’s on holiday in Bermuda.” I followed Frankie’s lead to the fridge, but hoping for a Perrier.

“Oh, so you’re visiting, too. Well, happy trails. Know of any tasty eateries open this hour around here? “ She said as she opened the fridge and began examining contents.

“I would love to show you about,” I started as I rubbed my now throbbing temples. “But actually I was here to sleep one off, and this little intrusion,” I motioned to the unconscious heap of burglar on the floor, “has not…”

“Oh you need a refresh?” Frankie interrupted as she pulled a Perrier from the fridge and handed it to me. I was too tired to ask if she was psychic. “I know a place we can hit that has this fancy auto replenish spa.” She pulled out a stronger beverage for herself and took a pull. “Super slick, like …uh… instant artificial sleep. Pop into a comfy chair like you’re about to get your hair done, zip zap zop, suddenly you feel like you’ve had the best 8 hours of sleep of your life and you’re ready to party again. Which is convenient, cuz its connected to a very chill hooka bar with some wicked weird happy tobacco. Good drinks, too.” Frankie took another swig of what I now saw was rather high end liquor.

Clearly this endlessly inked version of me had done her share of cosmic exploration. “Well,” I thought out loud, “I might as well give it a go, I can’t very well sleep here now there’s dangerous criminal who may awaken upset and decide to shoot me after all.”

The timid Abby that Frankie had called ‘New Kid’ piped up again, “Umm, shouldn’t we call the authorities about him? I mean we can’t just leave him here, what if villa Abby stumbles home to find him and he shoots her?”

I tilted my head pensively and offered, “Maybe he’s one of her outs…” New Kid seemed a bit nonplussed by this suggestion.

“No worries, I got it.” Frankie said casually, and then tipped the small bottle of expensive drink upside down into her gullet and emptied it. She smacked the bottle down onto the counter and made her way to the entertainment center and around the back of it. “These’ll work.” And without warning Frankie unceremoniously yanked cords from the wall and out of their respective electronics, crossed the floor to the gunman and with the ease and speed of one who has done this before, had him hog tied with said cords as if he were a gift she was leaving for Paris Abby. “That’ll keep him. Shall we then?”

Maybe it was her casual confidence, or maybe it was a desire to alleviate my steadily growing headache, but I felt I could trust Frankie’s restraint skills enough to release any concern for Paris Abby. “I suppose we shall.” I shrugged.

“Wait, wait….we’re just gonna leave him here?” New Kid Abby paused, clearly uncomfortable with not calling in the gendarmerie. “What if he gets loose and Paris Abby comes home…”

“Ha! Trust me, he won’t get loose. I’ve seen his kind, he couldn’t wriggle his way out of a greased chute. It’ll be fine.” Frankie closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and where the door of the apartment was now stood a glowing green portal. New Kid still hesitated.

“Don’t worry,” I said nudging her towards Frankie and then grabbing a pad and pen off the counter. “I’ll just leave Paris Abby a quick note.”