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found my draft from years ago

by Harley 3 months ago in Excerpt
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And a small excerpt of it

found my draft from years ago
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

As I start to go through my computer, which needed some much needed organizion and cleaning, I came across an old book draft from a few years back. Now instead of putting that aside to continue on the task I set out to do, I decide I should share what 16 year old me what writing about.

-Draft of chapter one -

Willa Cress

“Why are you here today Miss Cress ?” I look up from my hands that I have been fidgeting with. The therapist, in which I was forced to get by Viv, sits in front of me with her legs crossed and her yellow note pad resting in her lap. Her blonde hair is pinned smoothly behind her head in a tight bun, but a few hairs are sticking out and my eyes fixate on it.

“ Miss Cress ?” She calls my name again and I snap back in reality. The therapist, who’s name I can’t remember, gives me a slight half smile and adjusts in her seat. I can tell she’s ready for our first session to be over already. I start to say something but my throat feels dry and no words seem like they can be formed.

“ Water” I manage to say, the therapist nods and gets up to walk across the room. My eyes follow her as she reaches into a mini fridge and pulls out a water bottle. She makes her way back to me and I chug the water. When I feel my thirst is clenched, I clear my throat and places the water bottle on the end table next to me.

“Thank you” I say with a smile, the therapist nods and starts to say something but then stops herself. She takes the notepad from her lap and places it next to her.

“So Miss Cress, can you please satisfy my curiosity and tell me why you’re here today?” An embarrassed chuckle leaves my mouth and my leg starts to bounce. “Um yes, I wanted to give therapy a try.” The therapist adjusts in her seat again and crosses her leg, she places the notepad in her lap.

“Can I know the reason why you wanted to give it a try?”

This is a bad idea, I say to myself. I shouldn’t have let Viv force me into this. I was fine dealing with this myself, I didn’t need someone to diagnose me with something based on their perception of me.

“Well, specifically I don’t think I need a therapist. But my friend, vienna, thinks I do. She worries about me a lot, one of the things I love about her actually. She thinks I need to talk to someone about what I deal with and what I been through but I feel like it’s just uhh-.” I start to trail off because I see the therapist writing something down. What did I say? I start to go over what I said to make her take notes, I hate when I ramble on because I can’t remember what I say. She looks up at me and sets down her pen. “Continue please Miss Cress.” Her voice is so soft and I replay her words in my head.

“I don’t remember your name.” I blurt out, completely ignoring what she had asked of me. The therapist gives a slight chuckle and smiles. Soft smile lines form around her lips and I can’t stop staring. I hope when I get smile lines that they look good on me.

“My name is Jessamine, but you can call me Jess.” Her words circle in repeat in my head until they sound fake.

“Jess. I like that name. I’m sorry though, I’m bad at remembering names.” I sit back on the couch and get comfortable. “I'm bad at remembering a lot of things actually. Vienna reminds me all the time about things that I have to get done.” I take a deep breath, I notice that Jess is making notes about what I am talking about but she’s being more discreet this time. I try not to get too distracted by it, since it is her job to diagnose me with something. The sooner the better though, because i'm not sure how many more sessions I can take.

“This one time I had an interview at 8:00 A.M but the night before I forgot to set my alarm, and since my body won't wake me up until noon, I would have missed it. But thanks to Vienna being there, she woke me up early enough to get ready, eat, and leave on time. And I usually don’t eat breakfast, but when she’s there she always makes sure I eat.” I hear myself going into another ramble but Jess stops me before I get too ahead of myself.

“So Miss Cress, do you and Miss Vienna live together?” Jess brings her pen up to her chin and taps it ever so slightly, but it's enough for me to lose my concentration. Her lipstick is the perfect shade of red and it matches her skin tone so perfectly, it looks like she spent so much time getting her makeup just right, but not too much time where it makes her self absorbed.

“No we do not. Vienna usually stays at my place for a few days then she’ll go back to her parents house. She drifts between both of our places.” I’m glad we’re not talking about me anymore, and I will gladly talk about Vienna any day over me.

“So how long have you and Vienna been friends, Miss Cress?” I don’t like how she addresses me every time she asks me a question, it makes me uncomfortable in my skin.

“Uhh, pretty much my whole life. I can’t remember a time where Vienna wasn’t in my life. Well except for the time during freshman year of college.” Just thinking back to freshman year gave me chills. It was the first year that Vienna wasn’t there for me. And I know now that she had to do her thing and see the world, but I wish I was with her too. It was a tough year without her.

“May I ask why Vienna wasn’t in your life during that year, Miss Cress?” Ugh, again with the addressing of my name.

“She decided to take a gap year instead of going to college with me. She wanted to travel and see the world.” My hand starts to rub the back of my neck and I can feel the nausea start. I really hate thinking about that year.

“And why didn’t you join her in traveling?” Thank God, no name addressing.

“Well, I had college going for me. And my parents would be so upset with me if I had chosen to see the world over my academics. And I wasn’t brave enough to stand up to them for what I wanted. Plus I’d rather them be proud than disappointed by the decision.” Oh God, I can feel my stomach turning. Remembering the conversation with my parents just makes me sick. I applied to college just to please them. I didn’t need it, I just wanted to follow my passion in art. But they always told me I couldn’t make a living in this economy with just painting. They told me I needed to do something useful to benefit society. And so when I mentioned during a gap year to travel and work on my portfolio, the atmosphere changed from them being excited for me to telling me that I would never be something in life. I remember going to my room and crying until I fell asleep. And the very next day Vienna told me that her parents were so excited that she wanted to find herself and travel.

We planned on traveling together, taking a gap year to see the world. First we were going to go to Oregon, to see the beautiful geography they have there. Then we were going to get on the first one-way plane to Europe. And just explore. Not knowing when we were going to go back home, unsure of where we were going the next day. Just living life. That’s the one thing I dreaded though, I wanted to plan everything for our trip. Have everything laid out and organized. Having our day's plan from sun up to sun down. But Vienna made me throw my planner away. Her words exactly, “How do you expect to be in the moment when you’re too busy planning tomorrow?”

After I told Vienna that I couldn’t take a gap year, she insisted on staying behind and doing college with me. But I knew that wasn’t what she wanted, and college wasn’t for her anyways. She was, and still very much is, a free spirited person and she didn’t want to be tied down to a university for four years. So I made her go, and I endured the worst year ever.

“Miss Cress?” Jess leans forward in her seat and calls out my name in worry. I look up at her and my eyes meet hers. And I can feel the streams of tears coming out of my eyes. I knew therapy was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry.” I manage to say as tears and snot run down my face. Jess hands me the tissues next to her and I try to clean myself up. I take one too many tissues out of her box and blow my nose and wipe my now ruined mascara off.

“Would you like to talk about what just happened, Miss Cress?” Do I wanna talk about what just happened? No I don’t. I already look helpless enough in her eyes, I don’t want to talk about what made me break down in our first session.

“Just thinking about freshman year brings back a lot of things I try to forget.” I say with the lump in my throat. Jess nods her head and writes something down. This time I know for sure what she is writing.

Another 30 mins pass by, which seems like hours, and my first session is finally over. “It was nice to get to know you, Miss Cress. And I look forward to our next session.” Jess shakes my hand as I leave her office. I am lost for words so I mumble something that sounds like ‘See you next time.’ But both Jess and I are unsure. I make my way out of this wretched building and quickly get into my car. The sun has already started to go down and I have only marked off one thing from my to-do list.


About the author


Hi, im 18 years old currently in college working towards my bachelors degree in English, inspiring to become an author. :)

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