Find Me

There weren't always dragons in the Valley. Little did I know how much I would miss the peaceful days. I wake up everyday to the same mundane things to do. It has become so repetitive that I feel like I am just going through the motions just to have something to do. Is this what adulthood is suppose to be like? I am just here. I do not feel anything anymore. The once bright-eyed and bushy tailed person I was no longer exists. Is this what life is all about? Activities that once brought me pleasure no longer interest me. I am so sick of living like this. I need meaning. I need to feel alive again. I feel like I am already in my grave. I just want to scream out loud so badly. I want to feel again.

I open my eyes from yet another dreamless sleep. I can’t even escape into another world anymore in my dreams. I fall asleep and the next thing I know it is morning and time to start another lifeless day. I slowly rise from my bed and leave my room. I cross the hallway and look at the pictures on the wall. I see myself smiling, so full of life and happiness. I look at all the other people standing beside me in the picture and I wonder if they felt the same way I do. I see my mother and father in one picture with me, their hands around me and they look so happy and proud. If only they were still alive. I would ask them how to handle this feeling. It has been 3 years since they both passed away. They really were each other’s soul mates. My father had a severe heart attack and passed in front of both my mom and I when we were out for dinner. I remember it so vividly. He was just looking at myself and my mom and he was just smiling. Then his eyes shut, and he slumped over in his chair. He still had a smile on his face, even while the staff at the restaurant were doing CPR.

I think that is the day that not only my heart broke, but my mothers did as well. Unfortunately for my mom her break was more severe. She passed away the next day in her sleep. The coroner said that her heart was too stressed and couldn’t handle it. In a matter of 48 hours, I had become an orphan. I was an only child. My parents were as well. As for my grandparents, all four of them passed before I was even born. Death seems to take my family members at a young age. I am 31 and I am begging for death at this point. I tear up a bit and make my way to the bathroom down the hall. I go in and I look in the mirror. The bags under my eyes were still there. A permanent fixture since my parents passed. My black hair had some grey streaks in it making me look much older than I was. I look at the sink and begrudgingly turn it on to wash my face and get started with this miserable day. I splash the water on my face and that’s when I hear it. A voice ringing out in the bathroom. “Find me” is what it says.

I look around the bathroom and everything was as it was. I check the window to see if perhaps I left it open last night before going to bed. Nope, it was locked shut. I go back to the sink and turn off the sink and back on again. “Maybe it’s the pipes.” I say to myself out loud. I listen closely and hear nothing out of the ordinary. I turn off the sink again and look in the mirror. I stare deep into my reflection and look at my eyes. They do look more tired than usual. I shrug and go back to the sink. I turn it back on and let the water run for a moment. I find that running water soothes me somehow. I listen to the rush of water, close my eyes, and start to focus on my breathing. After several breathes, it felt like my strength was coming for the day ahead. I open my eyes. “I can do this.” I say out loud to myself. I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. I squeeze the last amounts of toothpaste out of the tube and throw away the husk of a tube in the trash. I start to brush my teeth. It was one on my most hated morning chores to do. I always gagged and was always on the verge of vomiting whenever I finished brushing. I gag hard as I reach the back of my teeth. I stop and spit out the frothy mess in my mouth. That should be good enough. I rinse my mouth out with the cold water and turn off the faucet. I wipe up my face with the towel next to the sink. I then turn to leave the bathroom, and I hear the voice again. “Find me.” It speaks.

I stop dead in my tracks. The voice came from right behind me. I panic and I look at the whole bathroom again. This time I pull the shower curtain and brace myself, but it was for no reason. There was nothing behind the curtain. I stand in the dimly lite bathroom quietly for a couple minutes. I don’t hear anything out of the ordinary. I hear the cars outside of my apartment, a few car horns, but no one talking. I wasn’t surprised that I couldn’t hear anyone talk from outside, I usually don’t hear anything other than the cars driving by. “Hello.” I say out loud. I stand in the silent bathroom. It felt like an eternity, but I hear nothing. I spend another minute listening to all the sounds that I could hear. There was nothing that sounded like speech that I could hear. I shake my head vigorously. I walk out of the bathroom, turning off the lights as I go and hopefully resolving what was happening to me.

I cross the hallway with the pictures and pass my bedroom. The living room was next to my bedroom and upon entering it I turned on the television. I usually spend my Sundays watching the morning local news and having my coffee with hazelnut creamer in it. Today felt different. I look at the television and the picture on the television was frozen. I could feel a chill going up my spine as I stare at the screen. Two words were frozen on the screen, and they were the words I heard in the bathroom. Find me. I turn off the television and look around. I don’t know what I expected to happen. This must be some sort of prank. I say out loud “Ha-ha, very funny.” There was no change to my environment. I check the front door, and it was locked. I go to all the closets in the house and check to see if there was anyone inside them. Empty, I was starting to get more concerned. I do a final sweep of all the rooms and every possible place a person could hide not another soul was in the apartment except for me. I go back to the living room and turn on the television once more. The picture had not changed in that time. It was still showing those two words. Find me.