Emily

His nerves felt frayed, lower back on fire from sitting hunched over for so long. The ache in his neck refused to dissipate, so for the first time in an hour, Nick stood up and began to pace the length of the room, rolling his joints out as he went. Did feeling nervous always make it so plausible to throw up? Why did his hands feel so… sticky? God, did he have anxiety? Maybe he should see a doctor, or buy some xanax off the perverted homeless man that lived in the alley next to his apartment building. Hell, maybe he should throw himself off a cliff before he loses the chance to do so!

“Nick.” Came an agitated voice from his left. He didn’t respond, strike that- he couldn’t respond. The moment was too static in order to form syllables verbally.

“Nick, man, you need to calm down. Everything is gonna be fine, if you would sit down and breathe for a minute!”

As much as Nick loved and appreciated his best friend, now was not the fucking moment for C.J. to tell him to calm down.

What was taking so long? Was something wrong? Nick swiveled to face the double swinging doors that lead to a long, bleak hallway. Had she- had she changed her mind? Did she finally decide that she wanted the responsibility? Nick knew they had signed the contract, but, could he really force her to give up so much if she wanted it? His head began to swim so hard Nick had to force himself to stop walking and slide down onto the floor. Pressing his cheek to the cool linoleum, Nick knew he could only continue to wait. And throw up when he has the chance. That too.

How could Nick put this all into words? This pressure, the weight of worrying if he could do any of it right, was enough to have him crying into the floor. Maybe he should have said no, maybe he should have chosen regrets instead of reality. And he could, Nick could do it right now. He could stand up and walk out, he could leave and let himself wonder all the what ifs. Bile began to rise in the back of his throat, allowing a burning sensation to grow and thrive on his ruin. Panic, a true devolution of human rationality became set into motion behind Nick's eyes, a sickly hammering placing itself in the center of his chest. He finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Nick sprung to his feet and ran faster than he had imagined was possible in his fucked up state. He lept over a bench and rounded the corner, in need of air, something to fix whatever had snapped in him. The hallways seemed to blur together, the faces of concerned people blinding him. Where the hell was the door? Why was it so stifling here? Shit, the room began to spin, and Nick had to stop moving in order to lean against the wall for support. The only thing that broke him out of his choke hold of a reverie was the ringing and buzzing that came from his back pocket, a ringtone that had been chosen years ago to represent his mother. Mom, thank god, just- Mom.

“Nick? Nicky, where are you? We just got here, and I can’t find you.” You could hear the small amount of hysterics in his mother’s voice. “You better not be buying coffee, the caffeine isn’t very helpful in a time like this, you know.”

“Mom?” Nick’s voice cracked halfway through the word.

Marisa’s heart broke a small bit at the distress in her son’s voice. “Oh Nicky, baby…”

“Mom, I just, I don’t know if I can do this. I’m not, I’m not meant for this.” Nick slid to the floor for a second time that day, and pressed the phone to his ear and head between his legs. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. “I can’t mess this up,” he finished with a hiccup. Nick couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so small and helpless.

“Nicholas Bachman, you hear me right now: you were always meant for this moment, you understand?”

“No Mom, I can’t, I have to go, I have to-”

“No no no, Nick baby, listen to me… I- I know that this, this whole thing, it started out as a mess. I was mad at you, I was mad at her, I just, I didn’t think you could do it.” Nick pressed out a louder sob and pushed his face even harder into the back of his thighs. “But, these last few months, they brought out a new you, baby, a son of mine I haven’t seen before. Whatever happens today, Nicky, you’re a better person for it, I swear.”

Soft hiccups continued to play through Nick’s chest as he struggled to keep up with what his Mother was saying. “Nick, this was never meant to be easy, your life was never meant to be easy. But you have something to fight for right now, and the only way you could fuck this up would be if you gave up.” A muffled sentence followed, along with the sound of the phone changing hands, before the nasally voice of Nick’s older brother, Jackson, came through.

“Hey man.”

“What do you want, Jack?” Nick’s muffled voice came through.

“Look man, as much you will always be a pussy in my eyes,” A loud guffaw sounded from Nick as he raised his head, getting ready to end the call; and stopped once he heard his brother’s next words: “I couldn’t be more proud of you.” The breath caught in the back of Nick’s throat. “What you’re about to do little man? Not so easy. I get it, Mom said you’re scared, and I would be too. But, you got a big fat family, one that seems to love you and all that shit. We got your back, man. Don’t think you have to do this alone.”

“Come back here, and get ready to do this. It’s all you now.” Nick brought his hands to his face and scrubbed at his eyes and nose. He mumbled a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. He knew what to do.

As Nick rounded the corner back into the waiting room, his eyes blew wide with the amount of people filling it up. His parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends all turned to look when he entered the scene. “Sorry we were late honey,” His auntie Sarah says as she pulls him into an embrace. “Are you ready?” Nick turned and took another look at his family, taking in the loving faces that surrounded him. He nodded his head, and took a deep breath. Smiling, he moved to hug his Mom, but before he had the chance, someone called his name.

“Mr. Bachman?” Nick looked at the nurse covered head to toe in scrubs, out of breath, and wearing a fresh smile on her face. He shuffled over to face her.

“That’s, uh, that’s me.” Nick trembled.

“Congratulations, sir, you have a baby girl.”

Nick exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. “And, her mother?”

“Miss Lina, uhm, doesn’t wish to see anyone at the moment, but will be making a full recovery. She decided to not see the baby.” Nick’s eyes dulled for a moment, before sparking again and looking anxiously at the doors from where the nurse had emerged. “Would you like to meet her?”

Nick nodded vigorously, following the woman through the double doors and down the hallway, up to a large plexi-glass window. He looked at where the nurse pointed and noticed brown eyes peeking out of a large pink blanket in a plastic looking bassinet. The name, handwritten, taped to the outside of the container simply read Bachman, with a blank space in front.

“If you don’t mind me asking, sir, what are you going to name her?” Nick took a deep breath, and spoke.

“Emily.”