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Elsa May Green. Chapters sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen.

A twisted tale of want.

By Peter CulbertPublished 3 years ago 31 min read
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Elsa May Green. Chapters sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen.
Photo by Vladimir Yelizarov on Unsplash

Chapter Sixteen.

Sailing sister's

Closing the garden gate and my relationship with Elsa behind me, I walked back to my car; I had a purpose now, a new reality, and I welcomed it with open arms. I yearned to discover more about Nicole and Shirley; they had played a massive role in my Dad’s life and I hoped they would play a big part in mine. I would not celebrate Elsa's big day, and I knew that the bond between the two of us had snapped. The relationship between us would never be the same, but it was okay, I was fine.

It wasn’t long before I arrived back at Shirley and Nicole’s' home; the sun was shining brightly, and my spirits lifted by the warm rays. I rapped the rusty old knocker onto the peeling paintwork to the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway before the door opened.

‘Tom, you came back, I am so pleased!’ wittered an astonished and happy Shirley.

I smiled, pulling the paper boat Nicole had given me.

‘I know I only met you yesterday and I don’t want to come across as odd, but I wondered if Nicole and you would like to go to the river and set sail H M S Nicomus, but I understand if it’s too soon?’

I was unsure how this lady, a lady who I didn’t know two days ago, would react to a grown man asking if her daughter would like to play with paper boats. I feared the worst.

‘That would be lovely Thomas, Nicole will be over the moon you have come back!’ said Shirley, smiling broadly.

Nicole had overheard the conversation presenting herself in a yellow dress, pink shoes, her hair back with a ribbon, she looked so innocent, so beautiful, I knew today would be a fabulous day and all that mattered to me is that I spent it with my little sister.

‘I am ready, Captain!’ she exclaimed, taking my hand as Shirley picked up her bag from the hallway.

‘I hope I am not speaking out of turn, but this was your Dad’s, he wanted you to have it,' said Shirley, placing a gold watch into the palm of my hand. I remembered him wearing this exact timepiece, and I had always admired it.

‘Thank you, Shirley, thank you for keeping it for me’ I said rubbing fingers across its face and smiling.

We drove in the direction of the river, three people bonded by one man. The sunshine glared through the windscreen as I caught a reflection of Nicole beaming on the backseat. Before long we parked up and headed down the dusty track towards the water’s edge. We were ready, ready to set H M S Nicomus on her maiden voyage as I took my little sister by the hand, steadying her so she would not fall, before kneeling next to her by the water.

‘You do it, Nicole!’

‘No, Thomas, let’s both do it,’ she replied excitedly.

She planted her tiny hand in mine, holding the boat with me as we placed it into the river. I caught our reflection in the water and for a moment I could see myself and my Dad all those years ago, excitedly sailing our paper boats.

‘Come on, Dad, it’s time to set sail!’ I would shriek excitedly.

Nicole and Shirley had now replaced him. They were an extra part of the jigsaw. A bright and beautiful puzzle tile sent to fill the aching gap of sorrow I had buried with copious amounts of alcohol for so many years. This was not just a fresh chapter but the start of a whole new book, a story that I would write with zeal and a fresh perspective.

We all cheered as the ship set sail, bobbing up and down on the river, Nicole waved it on the maiden voyage, jumping about excitedly.

‘I will never forget you, dad’ I whispered to myself as I watched the paper boat disappear into the distance.

The river swirling before my feet hailed his last resting place, all the sadness, all the unanswered questions rested upon the deck of the little paper vessel, and with its passing my mind became clear, my heart full and my memories of him perfect.

‘Can we get an ice cream please Mummy?’ asked Nicole tugging on Shirley’s coat.

‘I don’t see why not Nicole; you have been a good girl this week and it would be wrong to come to the river without having an ice cream!’

‘Yippee Yippee!’ cried an extremely excited little girl as she raced toward the ice cream vendor

The three of us perched by the riverbank, it was perfect; I felt warm, not just by the sun which shone high in the sky, but by these two people that sat with me. I had a little sister and a new friend in Shirley. If I could describe bliss to you in words, that very moment, sitting on the riverbank, eating tutti frutti Ice cream would come as close as I had ever imagined it to be.

‘I hope you don’t mind me asking but have you, I mean did you meet anyone else, I mean after Dad, you know, passed?’

‘No, I didn’t Thomas, your father was my soul mate, I realized it from the time I first set my eyes on him, I would have traded every day with someone else for one minute in his arms, he meant the world to me and still does.'

Her words made me proud, proud of him as a man. He had truly found a life and a love that was pure magic.

‘I have Nicole too and every day with her is a new adventure, sometimes challenging, but magical,’ replied Shirley, smiling warmly.

I turned to look at Nicole, laughing and jumping excitedly as she chased butterflies just a few yards away. She looked like a beautiful little angel floating through the air, her beaming smile setting fire to the water near her feet.

‘When you knocked on the door the other day Thomas, a tiny part of me, that bleak darkness in my soul I could never fill disappeared in an instant, you do not understand know how much you mean to me and Nicole and we hope we can be a family if it would be okay with you?’ asked Shirley.

‘I hope so too and would like that very much Shirley, thank you.'

‘What of you Thomas, is there anyone special in your life?’

I sat and thought for a moment, even though there had been several female suitors entering the parlour of my love life, their presence was always short-lived and each time the hallway door would open and they would exit the living room and walk away from me forever.

Shirley’s words of tenderness for my Dad reinforced the feelings I held for Elsa May Green. From the very first day many years ago that my eyes beheld her face, my heart was hers to do with as she pleased. I knew that I carried my yearning for her muted from her knowledge because of a childish pact, an agreement I created for my selfish reasons, and made them all sign. However, the river had flown; I was too late; I lost her to stupidity and procrastination.

My love for her would remain entombed in a burial chamber of my making. It was time to accept my fate and live the single life for the rest of my days; I was weary of pretending to myself I could worship someone as much as her.

‘Not really no, I have chosen the single life for much of my adulthood to be honest Shirley.’

I knew I was lying, but to save questions I didn’t feel I had the strength to answer, I chose the path well-travelled.

That day was perfect, I found out so much about them both, the past life they shared with my dad, their lives now. Nicole imparted the name of her favourite teddy bear and favourite movies amongst a myriad of beautiful details but as the evening drew in, she became tired and with that, I drove them back home said my goodbyes, assuring my little sister I would see her soon.

I smiled all the way home that day. The grin did not leave my face as I headed to my apartment to get changed and embrace the evening with a deserved glass of the red stuff. The hours by the river had been perfect, and I followed it with a few hours of celebration. I opted for the Railway Inn over the King’s Head as it was not our local and I stood more of a chance of not being spotted by the others, anyway Elsa and the guys would be there celebrating her birthday with them all and my presence there would like a red rag to a bull.

Whether I bumped into them, it did not matter, nobody could remove the Cheshire cat smile from my face, not even them. A part of me was still hurting from what Aunt Mary did, but I needed to believe she did it for a good reason until yesterday she was the only family I had left. She looked after me for so long and cared for me so much; I knew at some point I would have to see her and discuss the issue calmly and listen to what she said without getting angry.

However, tonight was about me, my new sister, and a celebration of the life that I lived with my dad. This night we would drink and rejoice.

Chapter Seventeen.

Friendships revisited.

Slipping into a freshly laundered shirt and splashing a dose of aftershave on my neck, I picked up my keys and headed outside into the cool air that the evening offered.

As I sauntered rejuvenated, I agreed that waving goodbye to my father was painful and yet uplifting at the same time. I recognised also I had not witnessed another frightening event since I stood on the bridge, and I felt confident I could finally live again. My mind was clear, my focus optimal, and my heart was oozing love for a little girl named Nicole.

I headed across town passed the King’s head and toward the track where the Railway Inn stood. The calming air that rose from the still waters cleansed my soul as I paced the dusty ground. My mood stayed afloat like the paper boats uplifted by the thought of Nicole and laughter by the river, a little girl to share my life with; I was her brother and I would make our memories together entertaining and adventurous. I intended to do the right thing by Nicole and be a mature elder sibling to her. This moment I was going to grow up. I always wished for a sister but time and circumstance stopped my wish from coming true and now I had one, I would be there for her, for her sacred times such as birthdays, sports days, and school plays. I only needed Shirley’s blessings.

The river was motionless and dark as the moon reflected lightly against the watery surface. I could make out something gently bobbing up and down against the bank and edged in further to get a better look. To my astonishment, it was the boat, H M S Nicomus, that Nicole and I had set on her maiden voyage only a few hours earlier. Pulling it out of the darkness, I wiped at the paper before popping it into my pocket carefully. I knew right there and then this was a message from my dad to inform me he was here watching over us all.

This damp and cold tiny vessel pressing against my heart embraced me.

The Railway was full of the usual suspects as I entered the bar area, namely, the woolly hat brigade was out in force with cameras in hand. The smell of damp wool penetrated my nasal passages as I headed toward the barman in search of a celebratory drink. I opted for a double whisky and soda that night; I felt rich, not financially wealthy, but in happiness and love.

‘Here’s to you, Nicole and Shirley!’ I whispered before taking a sip of the golden liquid before me.

My ears pricked up as the creaking of the entrance door halted my moment of celebration, and to my absolute shock, it was the four of them. Michael, Elsa, Ruben, and Gabriel. They stopped there, staring at me. It was not an intimidating glare, just a look. I didn’t feel nervous about their arrival, a little deterred by their presence as my night of peaceful reflection and festivity would surely go out of the window by their existence here. However, I was steadier and stronger than I had been for an exceptionally long time, and I was not willing to back down from a fight with any of them. I lifted myself from my chair and stood firmly as they walked towards me. They looked sheepish and remorseful as they approached.

‘It took quite a while to find you, Tom, I rang your phone countless times, we have been trying to find you for hours,’ said Michael nervously.

I remained steadfast, choosing only to listen.

‘Hey Tom, I came here to say that I am sorry about everything. I am so dreadfully remorseful for striking you and the way I acted. What I said to you was wrong, you are one of my best friends and life without you in it doesn’t work. I am begging you that if you have it in your heart to forgive me, I would be over the moon.’ gasped Ruben as his head bowed.

The vowels and consonants falling from Ruben’s mouth shocked me, to be honest, I did not blame him for the way he had acted, I would have done the same and more, with that said though, I was unwilling to let them know, not yet anyway.

‘Tom, we have spent this week together every year as a run-up to your birthday for as long as I can remember. We all expressed and did things which in the light of day, are the wrong mate, but that’s what being buddies is about. If we cannot offer each other forgiveness, then what is left?’ asked Gabriel.

He was right; we must express our emotions, no matter what the consequence. The events of the past few days were the reaction to the terrible mistake me and Elsa had made. I stood and remained silent, waiting for her to speak. Her lack of ownership frustrated part of me, and I need her to stand up and voice.

‘I want to say I am so sorry, Thomas, for everything. I should have been a better support to you like you would be for me. I do not blame you for hating me, I don’t, I hate myself now. I wished you with me on my birthday, because you are my friend. Not having you in my world would devastate me, it truly would,’ said Elsa who looked sad and yet hopeful as her watery eyes searched mine.

Her words calmed me and settled my anger towards her, I paused for a moment waiting for my response to fill my mind.

‘I could never hate you, Elsa, you mean the world to me, you all do. I behaved like an idiot and for that experienced the consequence, to be honest, I have felt miserable!’ I responded with a smile.

‘I am an arse, a real arse at times, Rube I deserved what I got that day by the river, I was a terrible friend to you, to all of you.'

Elsa’s stare of deep sadness lifted, and a smile lit up her face.

‘I could not imagine life without you in its Thomas, I really couldn’t, I don’t want to,’ whispered Elsa.

‘I always want to be in your life Elsa. I knew that since you were knee-high and I have hated the past few days, Happy birthday!’ I said, raising my glass in her direction.

She looked gorgeous that evening, more than heavenly, her maroon silk dress clinging to each curve, setting her olive skin on fire. Her black silken locks tied to one side with a crimson ribbon, allowing her hair to trestle perfectly over her cleavage. Her ruby mouth thirst-quenching, her aroma captivating.

The team was back, every piece of my puzzle complete. The sense of euphoria was overwhelming. My life had not been this good for years and I knew tonight would be a raucous celebration for our girl, our Elsa.

‘Barman, five double whiskies please,’ I cheered.

That night started as if the past few days did not exist, I realized there and then why I loved these people so much, why they were my best friends. However, I recognized I needed to speak with Ruben; I had to know he was okay.

‘Rube, I am so sorry, I treated you as someone I hated and it’s not true. I love you, you are a brother to me. I just hope one day that we can be friends like we were, you know, before all this happened,’ I whispered, taking him out of earshot of the others.

‘Tom it’s okay, we will always be comrades. Me and Elsa realised that our relationship was not serious enough to give up on you. Life without you is pointless. We spoke last night and concluded that we are good friends and to be honest, deep down I knew. You were also right about the childhood agreement. We created it to defend her and to protect us all, and we all agreed back then that we would set it in stone for our lifetime. You are my best friend, above them all and I never want to lose you, buddy, here’s to you and the pact!’ said Ruben clinking his whisky glass against mine and smiling.

‘To Tom and the pact!’ they all cheered, lifting their glasses aloft.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, part of me was sad for them both and another side relieved. With the pact reignited any feelings I held for Elsa would remain deep in the underbelly of my soul for all time. Ruben's words created a double-edged sword, that I would have to carry it with me. I created the stupid pact, now it was set to haunt my existence.

'Bloody idiot Tom!'

‘Gosh, okay, but as long as you are both okay?’ I asked with a sense of hope and a sinking feeling in my stomach.

‘We are more than okay, Thomas, we are all back together again!’ said Elsa, offering me a wide beam. I wanted to dive into her smile and swim around inside her for eternity, but I knew I could not, not anymore.

‘Right you lot are we going to get down to some serious drinking?’ asked Michael, who had returned with ten shots.

We relaxed around the open fire, drinking and celebrating our girl’s milestone. I watched the reflected golden flames flicker on her skin, lighting her glorious mahogany frame. The sight of her embraced in a brilliant shroud lit my imagination once again. I craved to be the flashes of heat; I yearned to feel her, to be one with her, wanting the light from my flesh to immerse into the beautiful dark of hers and create a mocha explosion. This woman, this gorgeous girl of colour, seated so close to me and yet now so far away.

‘Are you okay, Thomas?’ she asked, dragging me from my love fuelled trance.

‘Yes, sorry Elsa, there is something I need to tell you all.'

I told them about my visit to the house, meeting Nicole for the first time, her mannerisms, and the way she laughed. I spoke of Dad's passing, the letters, my aunt, everything.

‘Oh Tom, I am so sorry to hear about your father. He was such a lovely man!’ said Elsa, placing her arm around me. The touch of her skin sent shivers down my spine.

‘So sorry Tom’ said Michael with Gabriel and Ruben nodding in agreement.

‘It’s okay, honestly, I am simply happy I visited them. If I had not, I fear I would never have met Nicole,’ I said.

‘What is she like, Thomas?’ enquired Elsa, smiling joyfully.

‘Oh Elsa, she is so beautiful, she is like an angel. I would love for you all to meet her one day.'

‘Oh, I am so happy for you Thomas; I am just so sorry about your father and everything that has happened, but so happy at the same time you have found your sister.'

‘Those things I said to you about carrying it all around with you. I was angry. It isn’t true,’ whispered Elsa, moving in close to me and resting her head on my shoulder.

‘It’s okay Elsa, you were right, I did carry a lot of negativity around with me, but I feel different now as if a transformation has taken place and I am happier for it!’

‘I no longer have those feelings of guilt and sadness. My life before I met Nicole was missing a jigsaw piece. I have found the fragments, the puzzle is complete, everything has changed.'

‘Everything?’

I realised as she looked deeply into my eyes that everything had not changed. One absolute remained, an emotion I carried, and no matter how much I tried to sweep it away, it would come back. My love for this woman, this raven beauty that sat beside me. Not because of how gorgeous she was on the outside but how beautiful she was on the inside. There was only one Elsa, and the world was a better place for her being in it. My affection would never cease, and nothing would ever stop me from feeling the way I did, not even a pact.

‘Almost everything.'

‘Do tell Thomas,’ she whispered. The curve of her full and moist mocha lips holding me to attention.

‘What are you two whispering about?’ asked Gabriel, letting out a little giggle, dragging myself and Elsa out of what could have been a defining moment.

‘I was asking Elsa whether you reprobates had given her a good day!’

‘We did our best mate, it wasn’t quite the same without the fifth Musketeer in the team but tonight will change that, so let’s all get pissed!’ roared Gabriel jumping to his feet and heading toward the bar.

Moments later he returned brandishing five bottles of wine and five glasses. He was in the mood to get inebriated as quickly as he could, we all were, to be honest.

‘I did a deal with the barman, saying Elsa would wash the glassware later!’ he giggled as she slapped him on his leg gently.

‘To Elsa!’ shouted Gabriel.

‘To Elsa!’ I hailed.

We cheered her as we clinked our wine glasses against hers.

‘Here’s to me and Nicole also’ she replied offering that look of care she had never lost for any of us.

‘To Nicole!’ they roared.

The conversation flowed as easy as the wine as we once again enjoyed what each of us brought to the party table as a collective. There was one last thing I needed to do though, but it could wait until tomorrow because tonight we celebrate.

‘Be right back’ I said, getting to my feet, manoeuvring through the hills of woollen garments to the jukebox.

The five of us all had a few songs that we agreed represented us in different ways. Elsa’s favourite tunes were three times a lady by Lionel Richie and the dance song Baby got back by Sir Mix-a-lot.

While I knew I would love to embrace her and sway under the moonlight to the former, this night was about fun and this girl could move to any beat so I dropped my coins into the slot and pressed number thirty-two before turning and staring at her, she smiled a naughty smile before jumping to her feet with the rest of them.

The sound from the jukebox bounced from the walls of the bar to the disgust of the railway brigade. I sauntered toward her, amusing my friends who stood pointing and laughing at me as I thrust my hips in her direction. Elsa swayed, slowly at first and then faster and faster, shaking her head to the melody while swinging her sweet derriere to the lustful male onlookers. Ruben and the fella’s started performing the robot as the song lifted our bodies propelling us to the stars. We were the untouchables, late eighties kids and the nineties served as our decade and this song was our flashback to those amazing times, four boys and one girl moving our carcasses to the music. Michael struggled if he had not attached his prosthetic leg correctly, but when he was on form, he was like a young Michael Jackson, gliding along the floor. His moves a magical sight to behold.

Elsa caught my eye, the sheer heat of her taught red dress setting fire to my skin as she moved in closer, turning her back and pushing herself firmly into my crotch while throwing her head back against my chest. The others were blissfully unaware, now performing their dance moves to a table of rather worried looking ladies next to the bar. I placed my hands gently on the silken hips of her luscious body as the record changed. She turned toward me, no longer smiling, just staring at me. Her sultry brown eyes taking in every part of my face. I felt open to her, naked almost as she wrapped her arms around my waist, and we swayed in unison together amidst a sea of woollen hats and train memorabilia.

I was with her again, just me and her as the people blurred and the pub walls came crashing to the ground. I lifted her high into the air as we twisted in the night's cold air, protected by the heat of our bodies, our only form of protection. Her hands felt warm, almost electrifying against my spine as we revolved round and around together faster and faster like a tornado climbing toward the stars. The night air wrapped us up together like a black cloak as our eyes met and locked together. I wanted to kiss her, to tell her to throw my heart into her to keep for all time, and as quick as the song had started it ended, sending us both crashing down hard into the dusty floorboards of The Railway Inn.

‘Thank you for the dance kind sir’ she said with an almost seductive smile before making her way back to the others who had given up on the three defenceless ladies in the corner and were now in competition to see who could drink their bottle of wine first.

I walked back to the table with the grin of a Cheshire cat; I had embraced the woman I adored once again and even though my yearning for her would now remain under lock and key; I felt her embrace one more time and in the grand scheme of my life, a single touch from Elsa meant more than a lifetime of holding someone else.

It wasn’t long before I could feel my heavy bladder pressing against me, so I got up and headed to the loo for quick relief.

‘Be right back team!’ I said, stumbling a little to my feet.

I left the table and entered the loo. The decor hadn’t changed in years; magazine clippings of famous locomotives covered the walls, with the Flying Scotsman taking centre stage.

My conscious happy again, ecstatic, I had everyone in my life with me and now Nicole and Shirley too, my aunt could not take them away from me. Finishing, I zipped up, washed my hands, and headed back to the bar. I floated on a cloud; I wasn’t sure if this was because of my newly found existence or empty bladder, either way, I felt fantastic. All the dark moments remained in the past and I knew this evening would be a night to remember, a party for our girl.

‘Time to party, you drunken reprobates!’ I yelled, swinging the door to the bar open. It met me with silence and gloom, the air dense with the most rancid smell. My stomach turned. The demonic presence had hunted me down, the sickness I thought gone had returned, and the dense cloak of fear bound.

Chapter Eighteen.

Darkness and Demons.

The bar was pitch black, I couldn’t see a thing, and the silence was deafening. The putrid odour that had filled my senses was getting stronger as the surrounding air plummeted to an icy chill. I put my arms out around me, desperate to take hold of anything that would guide me out of there and back to safety. I stumbled against a table, sending me crashing to the floor; I felt nauseous and frightened as I crouched down in the bleakness. Something, some evil malevolence was here and I could hear a faint whisper which seemed to head in my direction, I closed my eyes; I didn’t want this anymore; I craved to be free of the darkness; I demanded to enter the light; I needed my friends.

An inaudible sound began moving closer, and then.

‘Open your eyes, Thomas’ snarled a deranged sounding voice.

I reached out, clinging onto what felt like a table leg as the sounds grew in volume and the putrid odour that fogged the air clogged the inside of my throat. I trembled, out of control.

‘Open your eyes Thomas!’ the darkness screamed into my aching eardrum. The evil was upon me, I had to make a swift getaway.

I sensed a presence moving around me, laughing hysterically, lifting my weary soul from the floor, propelling myself toward the light of the moon which lit up the mottled glass on the pub door entrance. I crashed through the doors, falling to my knees, tearing my jeans against the stone, before getting back to my feet and running as fast as my legs would take me. I felt its putrid breath breathing down heavily upon me as I ran with every ounce of energy within me. My heart was beating out of my chest and my fears were all-consuming.

I could not shake it off, this dark evil that taunted me was gaining on me quickly.

‘Please God, save me!’ I puffed.

I knew that if I didn’t get away, then this would be my end. I waited in line for my entire life for this moment, this ultimate deathly occurrence. As I sped, I could see blurred ghostly pale faces pressed against the glass of the windows I passed, twisted, bloodless, demonic onlookers that spectated this race between my existence and my death. The beast that pursued me was only inches from me as I desperately tried to pick up my pace, slipping as I turned the corner facing the market square. I felt the most excruciating pain as the claws of the creature ripped at my face and neck. Lunging towards the fountain, I flung myself at its mercy, awaiting my demise.

‘God spare me, please have mercy on me!’ I wailed as the darkness shrouded me and my body shook under its demonic cloak. This was it, this end of me, too weary to fight and too exhausted to run, I felt ready to accept the haunting fate that had besieged me for such a long time, broken from a lifetime of running. I wept helplessly as it gripped my shoulder.

‘Tom, wake up, it’s okay mate, I am here, you are safe mate!’ whispered a familiar voice.

I opened my weary eyes to see Michael stood before me. Shaking, I glanced around and to my amazement and utter relief, I was still in the toilet, and once again my nightmare a dream. The only difference being I found myself perched on top of the toilet bowl, my body trembling.

‘What the hell are you doing up there?’ he asked as I lifted my jean crumpled legs from the seat tentatively.

‘Mike, it’s happening again, I thought it was over. I cannot get rid of the dark thoughts, I cannot escape the terrible happenings,’ I said wearily.

‘Tom, come on, we will all help you get through this; I promise you, we are not leaving your side ever again, let’s go back,’ he said offering his hand to me and smiling.

Confusion and fear gripped me as I walked out and into the bar. The malevolence was the closest it had ever been to me, to my soul, and I knew it was only a matter of days before it would take me away from this world. Surely, I was not imagining these moments, they felt so real and were not at the same time. I could not understand why the evil haunted me and not my friends, the people with who I shared my existence. Michael’s words in the lavatory offered comfort however I realized at some point I would have to seek some help.

‘Tom I am sure what you are experiencing may seem real, but I can assure you they are in your head mate’ whispered Michael placing his hand on my arm. I wanted to believe him but too many things didn’t add up, the mark on my face, the scar on my back, I did not understand where they had come from and they appeared on my body the day after I experienced one of my dark moments. Something was happening to me, events so frightening, my frail mind could not decipher them. We both agreed that for tonight at least we would not mention what just occurred, so we did not ruin Elsa’s night of celebration.

I placed my fears under the table that evening as we spent the night dancing and drinking with the birthday girl. I had to be experiencing a series of psychotic events, if I was not then the demons that haunted me were real, either way, I needed to seek help.

I realised to extinguish this dark side of my life and mind a professional was my only choice, and I was aware of only one person who could assist.

Our birthday girl’s night of celebration finally ended as the clock struck eleven. We consumed the remaining wine in our glasses and gathered outside in the cold air to say our goodbyes. I glanced at Elsa; she looked as stunning as she did at the start of the evening, the rest of us a little more bedraggled.

‘Thank you for a lovely evening, boys I have had a wonderful day and night,’ she remarked, smiling at us all.

‘Right, well, I am knackered, and my leg is killing me. See you dodgy lot tomorrow,’ harped Michael before walking off into the night air.

‘Goodnight Mike, see you tomorrow.'

‘Would you walk me home, Thomas?’ asked Elsa as Ruben and Gabriel said their farewells and headed home.

‘Yes, sure, it would be an honour to walk you home me, lady!’ I replied proudly.

We both walked hand in hand that evening, reminiscing about the times we all spent closely, the ups, the downs, the celebrations, the commiserations. We all stood strong through everything that life threw at us and on this night of September 23rd, 2007 we were stronger than ever, an impenetrable unit. Our friendship, even though tested to its limit, was, with the help of them all, back and solid as we picked up the pieces and put them together; the team and pact were at one again.

‘When I asked you earlier if everything that had gone before had changed, you said almost everything Thomas, what did you mean?’

I looked deep into her eyes ‘Elsa, I loved you from the first day I met you wearing that little dress in the park. I created the pact because I feared my friends may steal your heart and I would lose you. I withheld my feelings from you because of the agreement, I had to, or I would have broken it. I felt scared of how you would respond, frightened of you rejecting me. I don’t just care for you, I am in love with you, you are the sun to my moon, the sand to my sea, you are my everything, I cannot exist without you,’

‘Thomas?’

‘Oh, nothing it doesn’t matter, just me babbling away as usual.'

I couldn’t tell her, not now, not after we all had signed and sealed the pact again, It would ruin everything.

‘Well, this is me,’ she said, smiling and placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

‘See you tomorrow, Thomas, sweet dreams.’

‘See you tomorrow birthday girl, sweet dreams.'

I felt full of mixed emotions after taking Elsa back to her house. I had so much to look forward to in my life now, however, the one person I yearned to touch, to love for all eternity may as well be living on another planet, in a galaxy far away from my arms, lost to my embrace.

Tomorrow was the penultimate day opening the door to my Thirty-first birthday, and I had much to be thankful for and was intent on making it exciting. But the darkness haunting me, desperate to hear my last breath, could rear its vile face soon, and If it did, I was sure it would be my final heartbeat. I needed to revisit the doctor who helped me as a teenager; he stood as my only salvation.

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About the Creator

Peter Culbert

I am a fifty three year old father of three. Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder late in life I have struggled at times with the road on which I tread. I have a real passion for writing, I may not be very good at it but this will never stop me.

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