Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

What was life all about? That’s what confused me. I lived in a place that was going nowhere. I was unemployed. I had been for quite a while. Life was getting me down. I’d been for a number of jobs, but nothing came of them. Until one day it started to look like things would change.

‘Can I help you?’ said the voice on the phone.

‘Yes, I’m inquiring about the vacancy advertised in last night’s paper.’

‘We are doing interviews tomorrow, starting at two. Can you make it for that time?’

Could I make it for that time? That was a laugh. I had all the time in the world. All I did was get up late, switch on the TV and then hope something would happen. But it never did, leaving less motivated as every day passed.

The next morning, once out of bed, I drew back the curtains to look at the brilliant sunshine. I felt more optimistic than I had done in a long time. I was going to get this job if it was the last thing I did.

I had ages before the interview, so after having my breakfast, I went for a walk in the park. A good walk was what I needed. Ideal for blowing the cobwebs away, and giving me time to think about what I was going to say during the interview.

After strolling in the park, I went home to get dressed for the interview. I only had one suit. But it was clean and quite modern. Once changed I started out towards the town, passing the canal, where old factories stood - factories that now laid empty; probably waiting for a developer to turn them into flats. But the canal itself was an eyesore - supermarket trolleys, old bicycles, plastic bottles, you name it and that canal had it. It used to be clean at one time, but the area had become so run-down since the factories had closed, that the council probably thought it wouldn’t be worth spending money to tidy it up.

Once at the business park, where my interview was being taken place. I looked for the entrance - looking for a needle in a haystack would have been less complicated - then I saw the sign - reception. I casually walked in and ran into a queue. They couldn’t all be waiting to be interviewed for the same job, could they?

For three hours I waited. Just as I was going to walk out and head to town to get a coffee, I heard:

Mr Green!’

I was just hoping there wasn’t another Mr Green in the building. That would have been it. I would have been out of the door and on my way to Starbucks like a shot, but no, it was me they wanted.

‘Would you like to follow me?’ the lady asked.

I nearly asked her where I was supposed to follow her, but I didn’t get a chance. We were standing outside this office door before I knew it.

Once inside, I was introduced to the person who was going to do the interview. He looked about fourteen. Surely he should have still been at school.

‘Can you take a seat, please,’ he said, pointing to a chair near his desk.

I felt like asking him where he wanted me to take the sea to, but he didn’t seem the type who was equipped with a sense of humour.

‘Twenty minutes I was in that office. He studied my CV like he was learning how to read a map and some of the questions he was asking were ridiculous. I had been in my last job for twenty years and here was this person half my age asking me questions he probably knew nothing about.

At the end of the interview, I heard the words I didn’t want to hear - “we’ll let you know.’ Don’t call us, we will call you, I felt like saying before shaking his hand and then making my way to the door.

Once out of the building, I made my way for a much-needed coffee. They didn’t even offer me a drink in the three hours I was there. I just hoped I’d never see the inside of the place again, and it was pretty obvious I wasn’t going to get the job.

Once in Starbucks, it was a cappuccino and a toasted cheese sandwich. When my order was ready, I seemed to have a problem. The place was packed, but in the far corner, I saw a table with a young woman sitting at it.

‘Is this seat taken?’ I asked. But what a silly question. Of course, there was no one sitting at it and if there was, there’d be at least a cup on the table nearest to the chair.

‘So, I took my seat and took out my phone to check my messages and what was going on on Twitter, which was usually very little. Then all of a sudden, the young lady sitting opposite me started talking.

‘Having a bad day?’ she asked me.

Having a bad day was an understatement. I was having a bad life. I was convinced of it. I’d had such a time with bad luck that I could have written a book about it.

‘Not the best of days,’ I replied.

Then I went on to tell her about the miserable sod who had interviewed me for a job. At least I was getting her sympathy.

I kept looking into her eyes as I kept talking to her. She was such a beauty. Then I noticed what I didn’t want to notice - a wedding ring. Why did she have to be married? Well, there wasn’t much I could do about it, so that was that.

When I got home, I felt so down. I knew I wasn’t going to get that job, then a beautiful woman started talking to me in Starbucks. Nothing was going right - until the phone rang.

‘Oh, hello. We interviewed you for a job this afternoon, and unfortunately…’

‘Why don’t you just say I haven’t got the job.’ I said to the voice on the phone before he could get another word in.

‘Why don’t you let me finish,’ he said. ‘The person we were going to hire dropped out. He refused the job, so the next best candidate is you. Are you interested in the position?’

That was the silliest question I had ever heard. I didn’t go to that interview for the benefit of my health, I went because I needed a job.

I had to go into the office the next day to talk about my contract, and salary and things.

When I got into the office, the manager was totally different to when he had first interviewed me. And while we were talking, a young woman walked into the office. I thought she was going to ask if I wanted tea or coffee until the manager said:

‘Oh, this is my wife.’

She looked at me and I looked at her.

‘Nice to meet you,’ she said.

She treated me like I was a total stranger; totally different towards me than she was in Starbucks the day before!