Death By Chocolate

Death by chocolate, what a sweet release from the agony of living. The table was set with the prettiest cloth table covering and a trio of candles in the middle. She placed the chocolate cake on the fine china and poured a glass of red wine to go with it. It will be better soon, Kaley told herself, she would be with him and feel nothing but happiness. She had spent the last few years trying to make life work without him, he was gone and there was nothing she could do to change that. Kaley felt broken and in a pain she tried to hide from everyone else. She could never explain just how lost she felt, they would never understand. Good things happened in her life and she wanted them, but the loss held her back. She could never get through it and carrying a ghost with you through life was a pain she could no longer take. Her brother’s ghost would always be with her as she moved through the years of her life. Every good thing happened continued to remind her of the loss. He was not there and he never would be. All the major events in her life, he would not be a part of. This loss, his ghost, tainted every bit of happiness she felt.

Everything Kaley wanted to do in her life had always included her brother. He was the best part of her and she felt broken without him. He was strong and smart, he was better than her and he should have lived instead of her. She had felt that way for so long now, he was always the better one and she felt she didn’t have the right to be here without him. He was supposed to be there when she finished school, when she got married, when she had kids. Their kids would grow up together and he would be the Godfather to her children. He was the best friend she had ever had and the person that was always there for her no matter what. Kaley felt like she was nothing without him, she was a shell and a piece of her heart was forever missing. What was the point in moving forward in life if it meant leaving him behind?

He would not leave me behind, Kaley thought. But he did and that hurt even more. He is permanently in her past and it was his choice. The thought made her angry, but she could not be mad at him. She knew he was hurting. Was it selfish to want him to stay? Was it selfish of her to leave everyone behind to be with him again? It did not matter now, the decision was made. Her brother was gone and she was going to be with him. There was no happiness for her now that he was gone. Sadness touched everything in her life now and always would.

Kaley sat at the table thinking about her brother and everything they had been through together. Through good times and bad, the two of them stuck together. They would always stick up for each other. He was always there when she was having problems with kids in school and he could always make her laugh. Had she needed him too much? Did he leave because he could no longer bear that burden? Tears fell from her bright eyes as she sat there. She had made the decision to end her pain and be with him. Before her was her final meal and the sweet release of death. She sobbed as she stared at the table. She had planned every detail, the note lay on the table in an envelope for her parents. She would drink the most expensive wine she had every purchased and eat the cake and everything would be over. The pain would end and she would be with him again. She just had to take a bite, but she hesitated. She thought of him and how much she wanted to be with him. She thought of her parents and how this would tear them apart.

She stood up and walked into the kitchen. With a scream, Kaley tossed the cake in the sink shattering the plate. Shards of the elegant ceramic plate bounced up from the sink hitting Kaley’s arms and making her bleed. She fell to the floor in tears, shaking and banging her head against the cabinet. She could not do it. Death by chocolate would not end the pain, it would only transfer it elsewhere.