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Dear Interface

by J. R. Lowe about a year ago in Humor
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A Human Survey

Dear Interface
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

[System Entry #011819 - Earth_Human_Survey_Day_1/5]

Dear Interface,

Today I saw them. Not just an image of them, but real, breathing humans. They’re disgusting. Their physical form is not morphologically dissimilar to that of an ape – another species which also inhabits this planet. The humans, however, seem to have a sense of superiority – and much less hair. Of course, this isn’t new information, but to see one of them up close was still astonishing nevertheless.

My ship identified several potential lifeforms inside a human made structure early this morning, however, as I attempted to make contact, the humans attacked my ship with their weapons. Of course, this did very little damage and I exterminated them by destroying the structure almost immediately. It is a pity though, as I was unable to obtain any live samples as a result of this.

Fortunately, I managed to obtain a human sample from a secluded area not far from this place which was densely packed with foliage and plant matter. I’m unsure why this subject was separated from the other humans – perhaps to scavenge for sustenance? Nevertheless, it did enable for an easy extraction process.

The subject is an adult male. I have sedated it for now and placed it inside the ship’s enclosure. My survey has been successful thus far, however, I require much more data before a decision on the humans can be made. While the human population has been substantially reduced to enable for a healthier ecosystem, it’s still unclear whether leaving the remaining humans alive will pose a threat to us in the future. I will begin further investigations once the human sample awakens.

[System Entry #011820 - Earth_Human_Survey_Day_2/5]

Dear Interface,

Today the human regained consciousness. However, I believe it may be dysfunctional. While the subject initially displayed behaviours indicating distress as it attempted to escape the enclosure on board the ship, it has since ceased all efforts to escape and has begun leaking from its ocular area. Despite my best efforts, the symptoms persist. Why does this human continue to leak? The enclosure replicates the ideal environment for a human and I have provided nourishment to sustain normal biological function. Yet it seems that the human has begun to retract and I am worried this sample will not survive.

The most curious finding of today was the object which the human wears around its neck. It continues to open this object and to stare at an image of other humans that is contained inside. Why does it do this? The translation system is still calibrating, however, once it is finished, I shall attempt communication. Perhaps this will provide me with answers? I estimate the calibration will take approximately 24 hours.

[System Entry #011821 - Earth_Human_Survey_Day_3/5]

Dear Interface,

The translation system finished calibrating earlier today and I have initiated communication. However, I am afraid that this has uncovered more mysteries rather than providing the much needed clarification I sought. The human has informed me that it obtained the peculiar object, which it referred to as a “heart-shaped locket”, from its offspring. It appears that the human has some sort of connection to the other humans which are shown inside the “heart-shaped locket” – one of which is the aforementioned offspring.

Interestingly, it seems that the human’s leaking is linked to these other humans. It mentioned a word which is foreign to my vocabulary – ‘love’. From my observations, the closest meaning to the word I can find is ‘an illogical dependence on other beings’. Once separated from the other humans with which this ‘love’ connection was established, the human’s natural response was to begin leaking from its ocular area. Still, I cannot understand the physiological benefit of this, should this not leave it vulnerable to dehydration? It is bizarre to say the least. I worry that these attributes may make the humans a threat, given their unpredictability and irrational behaviours.

The human later asked me to return it to its home where I had found it, which I cannot do as of yet as my testing is incomplete. However, I offered to return the human back to its home once I had finished testing. When I asked the human where its home was, it made reference to the human structure that I had destroyed. As such, I explained that it was not possible to return the human to that location as I had previously destroyed the structure and its inhabitants due to their violent nature. This caused the human to become ecstatic. It made loud, threatening noises and began leaking spontaneously from its ocular area yet again, even more so than before. The enclosure kept the human contained during this outburst, however, the violent and ecstatic behaviour was rather alarming.

After some time, it calmed down again and has since been laying in a foetal position on the floor. I later attempted to recommence communication, however, it has ignored all of my efforts thus far. If this is normal human behaviour, then I worry that their entire species may be dysfunctional, and therefore a threat. I will give the human time to reset itself and attempt communication again tomorrow.

[System Entry #011822 - Earth_Human_Survey_Day_4/5]

Dear Interface,

Today I exterminated the human. Ideally, I would have liked to continue testing for longer, however, after I approached the enclosure to recommence communication, I discovered that the human had escaped. This was concerning, as not only was the human dysfunctional and unpredictable, but it had a high level of intelligence as well.

As I began to initiate a scan of the ship to locate the human, it jumped from the ventilation shaft above and began to attack me. After struggling with the human for a moment, I managed to overpower it and was forced to eject it from the ship – thus exterminating it. I am still unsure as to why the human became extremely violent in such a manner, however, I suspect that it is due to the severed connection with the other humans which it referred to as ‘love’.

I liaised with the other survey ships to compare findings and it seems that all humans are fundamentally flawed with what they refer to as ‘love’, which ultimately leads to illogical and unpredictable outbursts. It was thus concluded that the humans were extremely dangerous and not worth the risks they entail.

[System Entry #011823 - Earth_Human_Survey_Day_5/5]

Dear Interface,

Today I exterminated the last of the humans. End of system log.

Humor

About the author

J. R. Lowe

I confess, I don't exactly have a specific topic or writing style, or an organised train of thought for that matter. On the plus side, that means there's probably something here everyone ;)

Twitter: https://twitter.com/J0SHwrites

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