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Daring to Pair When Love Is Measured in Threes

(Strange Bedfellows) A Few Years Ago in an Alternate America— (1 of 2)

By Lightning BoltPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 23 min read
15

“Five days ago, on October 9th, 2016, a disaster occurred here in New York City.” The broadcast begins with a close-up of the beautiful blonde news anchor. “Fourteen people were brutally murdered. Four more were severely injured, two of those crippled for life. All that was seen live here on NNC, during a special Sunday edition of this program: The Kelly Kluth Show.”

Kelly’s gaze burns out of television screens into the eyes of her viewers. America has missed her.

“In the ‘media frenzy’ that followed in the aftermath of these homicides, a great deal has been reported about the perpetrators of this heinous crime. Tonight, we will take a look at these tragic events from my perspective. This reporter is, after all, uniquely qualified to give insight about the man at the center of this controversy, since Joshua Martin was my ex-husband. He, myself, and our husband Kyle would have been married ten years this Winter’s Eve, an unusually long marriage by any standard—a successful marriage by every conventional standard.

“This story begins on August 23, 2016, the day the world learned of the Supreme Court’s monumental ruling on marriage equality. That Tuesday afternoon, I was here in this NNC studio. My husband Kyle directs this program, so he was here also. Our househusband Joshua was at home. I can only guess what Josh must have felt when he heard the news……….”

Fifty-two Days Ago—

When Joshua saw Kyle’s name on the caller I.D., he grabbed up the remote and muted his 42” plasma screen. The congregation on AA-TV had just broken into a hymn. Joshua hit the green button on his cell phone screen and said, “‘S’up?”

“Big News,” said Kyle.

Joshua was already changing the channel from the brand new Alternative Answers Network to the National News Connection where both his spouses worked. “I’m already tuned in,” he lied… and then immediately felt guilty about lying, thinking, Forgive me, Lord.

When the channel switched over, there was a Geico Commercial on NNC.

Kyle told Joshua, “You’re not going to believe it!”

“The election?” The conventions were over. The candidates had been picked. Both the orange and the purple Presidential campaigns were in full swing. Joshua naturally assumed any big news was likely coming from the orange party candidate, who had already been astonishing (and disgusting) people worldwide for over a year now. “What did he say this time?”

“It’s not him. It’s the Supreme Court!”

“Oh shit!” exclaimed Joshua.

“Gotta go,” said Kyle. His husband disconnected the call before Joshua could say goodbye.

Joshua settled down on their (three-person) love seat just as the commercial ended.

A booming baritone voice announced, “This is NNC, your National News Connection—America’s Primary Source of Impartial Information.” The NNC logo disintegrated as the words BREAKING NEWS slammed onto the screen. “This is Breaking News! From the NNC Situation Station, here now is Rolf Kreeger.”

The grizzled senior news anchor appeared on stage, looking especially grim. “The Supreme Court of the United States,” he announced, “has just handed down a historic ruling that is already sending shockwaves through the nation! Our NNC team of reporters is covering this controversial story from every angle, including reaction from both candidates on the campaign trail!

“First up is our own Kelly Kluth, with more on this landmark day in America!”

Joshua Joseph Martin-Kluth felt his heart make that familiar flutter it did whenever he saw his wife appear on his television screen. Kelly’s expression was that unreadable journalist blank that she had mastered so perfectly. There was no way to tell if the news she was about to impart was glorious or disastrous. She was a sexy Sphinx.

“Hello, everyone. This Kelly Kluth.” Above her left shoulder, a photograph was projected of the stately exterior of the Supreme Court building.

“In a startling 5-4 decision that no one expected, the Supreme Court ruled today that an Indiana state law prohibiting both religious and binary marriages is unconstitutional. This will strike down similar laws in forty-five states, effectively making both religious and dual marriages legal throughout the land.

"Siding with the four traditionalist members of the court over the ultramoderns she generally aligns with, Justice Ruth Nader-Allen wrote for the majority, stating, ‘The Constitution not only calls for the clear separation of church and state, but it also further assures Americans of a fundamental right to worship freely, which must include the free practice of wedding rituals. It is clearly discriminatory that we should protect secular marriage, but not religious marriage.’

“For the dissent was firebrand Justice Anthony Scranton-Kavanaugh, who wrote, ‘It is a scientific fact that the vast majority of human beings are born bisexual. In recognition of that universal human truth, we have always chosen in this country to validate the marriage of three people, not two. What’s next? Will we allow people to marry themselves? Will we allow people to marry their pets?’

“‘Marriage has always been a bisexual institution in America, with rights reserved for three committed, consenting adults. To now suggest it can be diminished to a homosexual pairing or, worst yet, even a heterosexual coupling— that will unravel the moral fabric of time-honored American culture!’”

Kelly turned to face a different camera before continuing, the screen behind her changing to an overshot of a massive crowd of people wearing tangerine-colored hats. “At a rally tonight in Charleston, South Carolina, speaking before an audience of 12,700 people, the orange party candidate for the Presidency was swift to condemn the high court’s decision.”

🎦⚡🎦 The screen switched to the Presidential frontrunner, who said…

“America is an atheist country, okay? A totally atheist country! Our forefathers knew what a cluster-fuck religion has always been. A total cluster-fuck! The Crusades! The Inquisitions! The Witch Hunts! The Ku Klux Koreshians! Christianity has done more harm than any other force in history! Every backwoods idiot with half a brain knows that. Even women know that!”

Chanting could be heard: “GOD IS A MYTH! GOD IS A MYTH! GOD IS A MYTH!

“That’s right,” said the orange candidate for President. “God is a myth! And I’ll tell you this: that second-rate fantasy they call the Bible is nothing but myths! I mean, from what I hear it is, anyway. I’m certainly not going to read that crap myself.” He yelled out to his supporters, “What’s the greatest book ever written besides The Art of the Spiel?”

The crowd roared as one, “DARWIN’S ORIGIN OF THE SPECIES!

“That’s right,” said the candidate, pursing his lips, pointing one finger at the sky. “And now these activist judges on the Supreme Court think they can use religion as an excuse to destroy the institution of marriage? Well, they can just go fuck themselves with sandpaper dildoes, okay?” All the boosters in the background burst out laughing. The crowd was rabid with delight. The candidate yelled into his microphone, “Good upstanding bisexual people are not going to stand for this! This is wrong! It’s really, really wrong! And something has got to be done about it!

“When I am elected President, I’ll build walls to keep Christians out of this country! And who’s going to pay for the southern wall?”

The crowd roared, “MEXICO!

“And who’s going to pay for the northern wall?”

The audience thundered, “CANADA!

“That’s right,” said the candidate with the American red, yellow, and blue flag pin on his lapel. “Mexico and Canada. When I am elected President, I’ll create a database to monitor all religious wackos! My very first executive action will be to institute an immediate and total ban on all Christians entering this country! We’ve gotta figure out what the fuck is happening here!” The crowd was so frenzied, they were practically frothing.

And let me tell you this,” said the frontrunner, holding up his finger again, “when one of these old farts on the Supreme Court finally croaks—and that’ll happen soon, don’t you worry! Those guys are really, really old! When one of them does bite the big one, you can bet your patriotic butts that I’ll confirm a judge who will adhere not just to the Constitution... but to Old School bisexual values!

Cheers and applause rocked the stadium.

After basking for a minute in the roaring adulation, the orange party nominee concluded, “This is a bleak day for our country— probably the worst day in all of American history!” 🎦⚡🎦

Kelly reappeared on the screen to report, “At the same time that was happening in South Carolina, the purple party candidate was in Chicago tonight, speaking before a crowd of 33,000 people.”

🎦⚡🎦

A clip showed a smartly-dressed lady standing on a flag-draped platform beside Lake Michigan. Floodlights turned darkness into a shining platform brighter than day. “Tonight,” said the purplepro, “we applaud the Supreme Court decision, which strikes down an unfair, unjust law—an un-American law! It has been said by the hatemongers that people who aren’t in bisexual relationships have small hearts. ‘Isn’t there room in their hearts,’ they ask, ‘to love more than one person?’ This is also why so many conservative Americans find heterosexual couplings most repugnant of all. ‘At least homosexuals can’t breed,’ they say. No one questions the common assumption that every child deserves three parents, not two.

“But I suggest to you that a monogamist binary marriage where a couple commits to each other for life, a commitment they make before God—in atheist America, that, my friends, isn’t just an act of love, it’s an act of courage!” The crowd thundered its approval.

“In our coalition,” said the smartly-dressed lady, “we know that Christians are not the enemy! We know that homosexuals are not the enemy! And yes, we know that even heterosexual people are not the enemy! We know, in fact, that it is our diversity that gives us strength! That is what this revolution is all about…”

The crowd said the Purple Motto with her: “INFINITE DIVERSITY IN INFINITE COMBINATIONS!” 33,000 hands shot into the air, held up high in a split-fingers-V-shape salute.

“And when we win in November," the sassy candidate concluded, "we will celebrate our ultramodernism and welcome more Christian immigrants into our country, instead of shutting them out! We will work to create a more perfect union for all our people, not just for the old established white atheist bisexual majority!

🎦⚡🎦

The NCC feed returned live to the Situation Station, where Kelly told Rolf, “Other reactions are pouring in from across the United States. And in this historically divisive political climate, it’s not surprising that it’s breaking right down party lines. Purplepros are celebrating, while orangutangs are expressing outrage.”

Rolf pointed out, “The reaction from young people is also markedly different from that of older Americans!”

“That’s right, Rolf. Polls have shown that millennials overwhelmingly support dual spouse marriages, whereas less than 20% of Americans over the age of fifty support it.”

“When it comes to religion, however, there is more of a consensus.”

“That’s also true, Rolf. What we are seeing in poll after poll is that America remains the most Godless country on Earth.”

Rolf (probably unknowingly) low-key insulted religious viewers by stating, “Americans have always been very, very smart.”

The phone started ringing and Joshua muttered, “The news is getting out fast.”

“We turn now,” Kelly was saying, “to Rod Axel, who is at the White House with reaction from the Presid—” Joshua muted the television as he opened his cell-phone. The number on the caller I.D. was the Slade household. Excited, Joshua answered the call by saying, “Jemma?”

Jemma Slade sounded breathless. “Have you heard?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I was going to call you but I was just sitting here trying to absorb the news. I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“I know what you mean.”

“It's like waking up in an alternate dimension,” said Joshua.

Jemma admitted, “It's got me thinking about divorce again.” She sighed and asked him, “When you say your prayers, do you pray we’ll be together?”

Wincing, Josh answered honestly. “No.”

“You don’t?” She sounded both surprised and hurt.

“Sacred or not, we're talking about breaking up a marriage. I grew up with three parents like everyone else.”

“So did I.” She reminded him, “But neither your marriage or mine— or even our parents’ marriages for that matter— none of those marriages were consecrated by God.”

“I know,” he said.

Jemma went on, “If it’s not a true covenant, a lifetime commitment before the Lord—”

Joshua finished the sentence for her. “Marriage is meaningless.”

Exactly. That’s why 77% of all marriages end in divorce. These vapid state-sanctioned contracts of convenience are absolutely inconsequential!”

Once, not long ago, this discussion would have been considered subversive in America. But times were changing.

Joshua explained his earlier statement. “It’s not that I don’t wish we were together. I wish that all the time. I dream constantly about us getting married.”

“A church wedding,” she interjected.

Yes,” he said. “But I don’t feel right about praying for it, about asking God for it. Do you understand the distinction?”

“Yes,” she said, sighing. “I could learn so much from you.”

“I do learn so very much from you,” he countered.

“I love you.”

“I adore you.”

“We must be together. It’s the only way either of us will ever truly fulfill our potential.”

Joshua agreed. His brow furrowed as he asked, “You haven’t heard from Riley, have you?”

“Not yet,” said Jemma. “I dread it. He’s going to be livid.”

Joshua wondered, “Should we dread our dinner engagement tonight?” By ‘we’ he meant his own marital trouple: Kelly Kluth, Kyle Kluth, and himself: Joshua Martin-Kluth.

She hurriedly shouted “No!” and then sighed and admitted, “Maybe. But you have to come! He’s going to need to blow off steam and Kelly is really the only one who can handle him when he’s like that.”

“You’re worried,” said Joshua.

“Not too much,” she said. “I trust in the Lord. I’m just getting nervous thinking about it.”

The reigning majority of Americans would consider it scandalous for a man to suggest anything religious to a lady. Even to Josh, it still felt dirty. All of this was still so new to him. He’d only been reborn for a scant few months. His mouth went dry as he asked, “Do you want me to pray with you?”

“Yes,” she said.

Together, they asked God to help them facilitate communion with their Higher Selves. 🙏

The Present: October 14th, 2016—

Kelly informs her avid audience, “That night, after the historic ruling, this reporter and her two husbands had dinner with a trouple of friends. All everyone wanted to talk about was the Supreme Court decision. It’s only in retrospect that this reporter realizes how silent both Joshua and Jemma were……..”

The Recent Past: August 23rd, 2016—

When the Kluths met the Slades outside Applebee’s, it was apparent to all that Riley Slade was pissed off. Even the way he wore his clothes suggested anger. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing bulging biceps tattooed with snakes, skulls, and scorpions.

As they entered and were seated at one of the many tables for six, Joshua saw several other angry old white men. Faces were flushed. Eyes were slit. Frowns dominated the room.

Joshua’s husband Kyle seemed pensive, nothing new. Joshua could tell by the slightly unsteady way that Shelby was walking that first Mrs. Slade was already drunk. As for the second Mrs. Slade, his beloved Jemma seemed calm… and that steadiness calmed Joshua.

Once their drinks had arrived and their dinner order was placed, Kelly leaned forward and said in a snarky tone, “So, Riley… how was your day?”

“Hilarious,” said Riley. “Where do you work again? The Central Comedy channel?”

Surprisingly, it was Shelby who first launched into a diatribe, not Riley. Swishing cherry liqueur in her glass, she ranted, “What’s this world coming to? These deviants sneak into our country! They look like everybody else! They infiltrate like freakin' Bolsheviks, intent on corrupting our very way of life!”

Kelly smirked. “Is that what they are intent on doing? And here I thought they just wanted to be able to marry the person they love.”

“Are you for real?” Shelby glared at Kelly. “You seriously don’t have a problem with marriage being perverted like this?”

Kelly put on her journalist face, as blank as a snow drift, but her eyes blazed like summer suns. It didn’t escape Joshua’s notice that his wife didn’t directly answer the question when she coldly replied, “I wouldn’t want the government intruding into my bedroom so I can certainly empathize with others who feel the same way.”

“Oh, give me a break,” bellowed Riley. “This has nothing to do with two consenting adults getting freaky behind closed doors! If people decide they only need two to smash it, that’s their kink!” He waved his hands and grimaced like he was disgusted. "It doesn’t hurt me! Personally, I think prostitution should be legalized! That way, it would be regulated!’”

Joshua could see Jemma was mortified by her husband’s suggestion.

But…!” spat Riley, leaning into the table. “We’re not talking about people having sex! We are talking about what constitutes a government-sanctioned marriage!

Shelby nodded. “Exactly!”

Kelly shot back, “And why do you think the state should sanction an atheist marriage but not a religious one?”

“Oh, I am so sick of you bleeding purple hearts making this about religion!” Riley’s cheeks had turned bright red. “This has nothing to do with religion! That’s just the contrived bullshit that a bunch of corrupt lawyers have used to justify this unconstitutional ruling!”

“You tell ‘em, Babe,” enthused Shelby, taking a big gulp of her drink.

“Look,” said Riley, “this isn’t complicated. This isn’t about discrimination. It’s not about getting all up in people’s private business. It’s simple math! Marriage is meant to be between three people. Not four people. Not two people. Certainly not one person! Marriage is a sanctioned union of three!”

“Well,” said Kelly, sounding very smug, “while you may think that this ruling is bullshit, the real Constitutional scholars— the ones with opinions that actually matter— they have determined that both forms of marriage are valid under the law.”

Shelby shook her head, looking properly disgusted.

Riley guzzled his whiskey sour and gestured for their waitress, while taking another jab at Kelly: “And here I thought you actually valued your marriage.”

“I do value my marriage.” Kelly glared at Riley. “But this isn’t about my marriage. Or yours. Allowing couples to wed in accordance with their own beliefs— that doesn’t diminish any tri-unions in any way!”

“Oh sweet Darwin!” Riley slumped backward, grousing, “Just the notion we now have to call normal marriage ‘tri-unions’ instead of just ‘unions’ is infuriating!”

“What do you expect?” Shelby could be such a smart-ass with her implications. “We should have known she’d support this insanity!”

“And what exactly do you mean by that, honey?” A dead giveaway that Kelly was pissed was when she called someone ‘honey’ or ‘sugar’ with a slight southern drawl.

“Well, it’s obvious, right?” Shelby looked to Riley for agreement, and then glared again at Kelly. “You have a male-centric marriage with a female head of household!”

“And you have a female-centric marriage with a male head of household! So what?”

“Mine is far more conventional than your marriage,” challenged Shelby, “and you know it!

“Whatever,” said Kelly. “Spoken like a true misogynist. Would you also like to say something bigoted about Kyle being a black man?”

Obviously offended (which was obviously Kelly’s intent), Shelby gasped at the implication that she was racist.

The point is—” said Kelly, but she never had the opportunity to make her point. At a nearby table, a bearded man roughly the size of a grizzly suddenly jumped up and attacked a skinny Hispanic dude. Men gasped. Women screamed. The bear-man wailed on the young Latino, punching him repeatedly in the head.

Riley jumped up and rushed over to break up the altercation, aided by one of the bigger waiters. At least a dozen diners whipped out their cell-phones to take videos.

Kelly stood up, telling both her husbands, “Let’s go.”

As the three Kluths hurriedly left, Joshua told Jemma, “I’ll call you.”

Later that night, as he lay awake in bed between his sleeping spouses, Joshua couldn’t stop thinking about new possibilities. It was easy to imagine millions of other Americans dreaming similar dreams. He marveled at the ways of his Lord.

The Here and Now—

America can see how painful it is for their favorite anchorwoman to make these admissions.

“When a fight broke out in the restaurant, my immediate instinct was to flee. I’m an anchorwoman, not a journalist. I report the news from a safe distance, from here in the Situation Station. I have no desire to be part of the news.

“I shouldn’t have worried. Within twenty-four hours— just a single news cycle— word came out of Wyoming about the gruesome murders of a Christian hetero couple. Like most Americans, I had never even heard of ‘crucifixion’ until that tragic story broke. These militant barbarians are so deluded, they think that their choice of ancient methods of execution amounts to some kind of meaningful protest statement about religion when all it actually does is call attention to their own dehumanizing hate.

“It had already been an emotionally draining week for my husband Kyle and I… and then our husband Joshua dropped his bombshell.”

Eight Weeks Ago—

He chose a Friday night to end his marriage, thinking that would give Kelly and Kyle the weekend to absorb the shock.

Joshua had never been so nervous in his life. Jemma insisted on being there with him, for moral support.

When Kelly and Kyle arrived home from the network, neither was especially surprised by Jemma’s presence. They seemed annoyed, however, when Joshua told them he wanted to talk. He served drinks to both his spouses as they gathered in their cavernous living room. Kelly and Kyle sprawled out on one couch while Joshua and Jemma sat rigidly on another.

Curling up against Kyle’s side, Kelly asked, “So what’s this all about, Josh? I’m tired. It’s been a long week.”

Joshua’s heart ached. Now that the moment was here, it was much more difficult than he imagined it would be.

Kyle frowned and asked, “What’s wrong, buddy?”

And there it was— like a slap in the face from God— a reminder that while he loved both Kyle and Kelly, it was the kind of love that one has for dear friends.

The bond he felt toward Jemma was so much stronger.

“I’m sorry,” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt either of you.”

“Sounds like there is a ‘but’ coming,” said Kelly, sounding icy.

Joshua finally just blurted it out. “I’m filing for a divorce.”

“What?” Kyle smirked. “You’re not serious.”

“I think he is,” said Kelly.

“I’m serious,” confirmed Joshua. “I’m so sorry.”

Kyle gave him a look that flashed like electricity unleashed. “Why," asked his husband. "Why would you do this to us?”

“I’m in love with Jemma.” Both of Joshua’s spouses looked shocked. He hurriedly admitted the rest: “I’ve been in love with her for a very long time, even before she showed me the Light.”

“Light?” Kyle shook his head. “What light did she show you?”

He took a deep breath, his heart hammering. This next confession frightened him even more than asking for a divorce. He spoke so fast, he almost became tongue-tied. “The Light of Jesus Christ.”

Kyle chuckled— a laugh without humor. “You are joking! What’s gotten into you, babe? This unprecedented attempt at humor doesn’t suit you.”

Joshua felt a surge of anger and mentally asked God to help him remain calm. He assured Kyle, “It’s no joke. Jemma was instrumental in my rebirth. She shared the gospel of Christ with me, explaining how He saved us all from—”

Kyle interrupted. “You are serious. You’re religious now?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m religious.” Joshua (unintentionally) split hairs. “I’m spiritual.”

To Kyle, it was like Joshua was speaking gibberish. “What’s the difference?

Before Joshua could respond, Kelly suddenly stood up. She dramatically threw back her glass, polishing off her Scotch. Both Kyle and Joshua watched her with concern.

Kyle asked her, “Are you all right?”

“I’m tired,” she huffed, glaring daggers at Joshua. She started across the room, saying, “I’m going to bed.”

Joshua was heartbroken. This reaction was not what he had anticipated. He expected Kelly to rage… and he realized now that unconsciously he had wanted her to rage. “Kelly,” he moaned, desperate for an amiable resolution that he wasn’t certain he deserved. “Don’t go yet! Let’s talk about this.”

I’m tired,” she insisted. She went to the bar to pick up the entire bottle of Chivas Regal before heading down the back hallway to their master bedroom.

Kyle waited until Kelly was gone before snapping at Joshua. “This is total bullshit, man! In the middle of an election, you pull this? In the middle of this election? Don’t you know how stressed out Kelly and I are already?”

This was what Joshua expected: ire, bitterness, recriminations. But now that it was happening, Kyle’s anger made Joshua furious. “Isn’t that just typical,” he snapped back. “And you wonder why I’m asking for a divorce? Really?

“What are you talking about?” Kyle was shaking his head. “You sound like a lunatic!

“You don’t care about me,” accused Joshua. “You and Kelly haven’t cared about me in years! All you want me around for is to do your laundry and clean the house!”

Kyle actually clutched his hand over his heart in such a melodramatic way, it would be funny if he wasn’t being so infuriating. “I can’t believe you’d say that! We love you! Both Kelly and I love you! We thought you were happy being our homemaker!”

“You haven’t taken time in years to find out what makes me happy! You don’t know who I am! If you did know, you’d know about my Awakening!”

“We can’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t tell us!” Not for the first time, Kyle bitterly pointed out, “We’re not mind-readers!” It annoyed Joshua when his husband said ‘we’ as if he and Kelly were always in total agreement about everything (even though they generally were).

“Ask him,” said Jemma, gently clutching Joshua’s arm.

Kyle growled, “Ask me what?”

Joshua sighed. “I wanted to ask you and Kelly at the same time..." He took a quick drink before continuing, "...but maybe this is for the best. Maybe you can convince her once I convince you.”

Kyle gnashed, “Convince me of what?

Joshua and Jemma smiled. “How would you like to make television history?”

⚡________________⚡⚡⚡

End Part One of Two!

This star-crosssed love affair comes to a violent conclusion in Part 2 of 2! See how all of this ends, LIVE on national TV.

I greatly appreciate your readership. Thank you kindly for your support!

________________Bolt

PART 2- 👇

Short Story
15

About the Creator

Lightning Bolt

From out of the blue, _Bolt writes horror galore, Sci-Fi, Superheroes & strange Poetry + MEME-ing MADNESS X12.

Vocal needs a Comedy Community!

Proud member of the Vocal Social Society on Facebook.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insight

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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  • Melissa Ingoldsby8 months ago

    Oh no Joshua!!! Whyyy

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