Crashing Dreams

It's finally the day!! My eyes burst open as my alarm sounds off next to me. Not that I needed one today. I've been restless all night thinking about the amazing adventure about to take place. I jump up out of bed and race to the bathroom. I quickly ready myself, full of enthusiasm and excitement. My sister in law, Sarah, already trying to call, probably equally as excited also. You see, about a month ago I won a trip for 2 to Scotland on a rando sweepstakes site that I frequent. I sign up for so many sweepstakes but I never thought I would actually win one. Especially not a round trip to Scotland with a full paid hotel stay, castle tours, and various other perks and sites to see. I was shook when I got the email and after some phone calls and back and forth with the company, I quickly realized it was very real and happening. I called up my sister in law and best friend, because my lonely ass didn't have anyone else. She agreed to go and was equally excited as well.

For the entire month we have been breaking down the itinerary, constantly on the phone with each other. We made plans for where our kids would stay while we were away. Internet searched all the locations and events so we knew what to expect and what may be nearby that we could also check out. It was, most definitely a dream come true. And after a month of impatiently waiting, it is finally time.

After hurriedly readying myself and rushing my kids out the door, we pile into the car, already fully packed of course. I drop the kids off with my mom, I pick up my sister in law, and we rush off to the airport. The whole ride is full of gossip and guesses on what may happen on our trip. Sarah is throwing around silly scenarios of me finding love or her finding an ancient unknown Celtic artifact. Both equally unrealistic possibilities if you ask me. But we are ready for whatever the week long trip has in store for us. Ready to make memories and cross this dream come true off the bucket list.

We check in at the airport, and of course we have to marvel over every expensive item and crazy process we encounter. Neither of us have ever been on a plane. I think I've already snapped 100 pictures and we haven't even boarded the plane yet. I am so anxious and did I mention excited. As we finally board our plane we continue to marvel at every little thing, probably getting on people's nerves at this point but we are SO EXCITED!! Sarah took the window seat while I opted for the middle. I was nervous about the plane ride and being nuzzled in between to people comforted me just a little. Lord knows, I didn't want to be staring out the window the whole trip. But Sarah was happy to. She couldn't wait to see the views.

After a while of people watching and chattering the stewardess finally starts her safety talk. We listen as closely as we can and, after she finishes her speech, everyone gets settled and the plane starts to move. Oh my gosh, the plane is moving! Now I can't think of anything else but our acceleration into the sky. Sarah is laughing at me as I grip the edge of my seat and start to panic a bit. "Oh, look how high we are!", "Maybe we should trade seats, you would love this view." She teases and taunts me. I could just smack her sometimes.

Finally, we've been up for some time. The stewardess' have made a few rounds and I've relaxed a bit after talking to the lovely lady next to me and daydreaming with Sarah. Who finally laid off after I pinched her thigh real hard a few times. The woman, seated on the other side of me, owns her own pet shop about an hour from where I live. So there was plenty for us all to talk about on our journey through the sky. Not a moment of silence during most of the flight. At this point we are close to 7 hours in, and the pilot comes over the intercom to inform us that we are close to our destination. The excitement is building up in my chest again and Sarah is practically squealing at this point. Such childlike joy from two very grown women.

People were already clapping and cheering about nearly being there. We were giggling about some pet story our new friend had just told us. About another 15 minutes pass and then out of nowhere, the plane just starts to shake. A stewardess falls over while passing by us and some treys and items fall into the floor. Then it settles a bit. Sarah and I look at each other with nervous smiles. Maybe some turbulence? Whatever it was we were a lot less relaxed. Sarah is peering out the window trying to see if maybe it was weather related. Then the pilot comes back over the speaker and his tone has changed a bit, not as cheerful as earlier. "Everyone please return to your seats and secure yourselves," he says. Not 2 seconds after, the shaking starts again and the breathing bags drop from above us. But this time the shaking doesn't stop. I glance over towards the window and I realize that we are no longer flying straight. We seem to be going down. Not quite a nose dive but definitely down.

The whole plane is in a panic and I'm trying to figure out this face bag while Sarah is frantically texting my brother. I watch as people are doing the same, texting, calling, some are putting themselves in the seated fetal position or simply just crying. I didn't know what to do. I was very much afraid and a bit in shock. I just sat with that silly thing on my head, clutching my seat again, and watching the chaos around me. What is happening? I thought this same thought nearly 500 times in between flashes of my kids beautiful faces. I need to call them. But then...

I taste blood. My head hurts. My body hurts. It's hard to breathe. What just happened? Where the hell am I?

I try to open my eyes. There's dust... smoke? It's all around. It's burning my eyes and my throat. It smells like gas or some other kind of chemical maybe. But everything tastes like blood and grit. My head is spinning and I feel as if I'm being held down by something. But... I can't open my eyes. Am I hanging in something? Where am I?! I keep grasping around me, I'm strapped into something. I'm stuck. I feel something wet next to me, on my clothes too. And the pain is so intense. I can't move my left leg without wanting to scream. Then I feel a breeze, a bit of wind. But it's hot, blowing the smoke around me. It moves just enough for me to finally open my eyes. But I don't understand what I'm seeing at first. Metal? Suitcases and clutter everywhere? And bodies... I look over to my left and I see Sarah. I see her pressed up against the metal wall, face against the shattered window. The seats in front of us now pushed back on top of us. She's not moving, or breathing. Then it starts coming back to me. I start to look around again remembering where I was. The plane.

I glanced around as frantically as my aching body would let me. I noticed most of the plane, though torn apart, was still in the same general area. But a small chunk, the portion our seats were in, had broken off at some point and was a good width away from the plane's final resting place. As I play back everything that happened, I couldn't manage to figure out what caused our fatal crash but whatever happened, I seemed to have survived. I glance back at Sarah's lifeless, dirty and blood covered body. Why did I survive?

Panic and sadness feel my chest where excitement once was. I push past my nausea and soon am able to get the seatbelt off as well as the seats that were crushing me with their weight. I'm not sure where the passengers from those seats ended up but the seats felt heavy regardless. I try to get up and walk, climb over debris, over where my new friend had once sat, but my leg is very obviously broken. My whole body is tense and I'm pretty sure the adrenaline and shock I'm in is the only reason I'm able to even move. I'm crying at this point of course. Every person, or part of a person I see makes my stomach turn and my heart ache even more. The smoke and chemical smell isn't as bad but I still struggle to keep my eyes open as I'm maneuvering my way away from the dangers of the wreck. Away from the death.

After dragging myself to the base of a nearby tree I turn and look back at the wreck. I see smoke still coming from various parts of the plane. I see a trail of debris from where the plane descended, up to it's final resting place. My head is spinning again more so from panic and grief this time. My sister in law is gone. I'm stuck wherever I am, alone probably. I don't see any movement from anyone else. I don't hear anybody. Why did I survive? I am in so much pain. What is happening? This was suppose to be a dream getaway not a nightmarish tragedy. Now what? What do I do? I sit down and cry. I don't know how much time has passed. I can't breathe, I don't really want to. I've lost my best friend, mother to my nieces. I'll probably never see my boys again. Those beautiful boys. I was such an idiot to do this. My kids are going to lose their mother now. My nieces have already lost theirs. Maybe it's best if I just lay here and close my eyes. Maybe it's better this way. I shouldn't have survived. I lay down and I cry, hoping and praying that I just drift off again and not wake back up.

As more time passes, I'm not sure how much but the sun is starting to set. After a while I hear what sounds like a helicopter or maybe another doomed plane. I don't even know. The adrenaline has ran its course and my body is in too much pain to attempt much. But then I see it, it is a helicopter, flying around the wreck probably for news coverage? I think again of my kids and decide that I wanted to be with them more than I wanted to die here. I try to scream, to move towards the plane. It hurts and I can't move much. But I manage to crawl a little ways, flailing as much as I can and trying to make as much noise as possible. My throat was dry and raspy so it was hard. But it worked. I see the helicopter make its landing and two men run out to me. One's on a phone or radio, talking to someone, begging for medical support. I'm so tired. So much pain. They try to ask me questions, they have accents and my head is still spinning so I can't quite piece anything together for them. But after some time a medical copter lands, I'm placed on a stretcher and I drift off as the lift me off to the nearest hospital.

The plane went down in the northern part of Ireland, it rested on Sawel Mountain. Apparently something happened to the engines and the plane went down before an emergency landing could be made. Everyone but myself had passed during the crash. I don't know why I was spared. I suppose God has something else planned for me. I don't think I deserve it but I definitely won't waste it. I will fully recover and I will get to go home to my family soon. It's truly not fair to everyone else on that flight. But I will do what I can to help those families. I may not understand any of this but I will use my newly given time to help those who didn't receive the same.