Between life and death

What is suffering?

What is happiness?

I've been asking myself these two questions since I know myself. What do these two words mean? All I have learned so far about them is that there are two feelings and that when I feel them, I destroy myself, I break into thousands of pieces or I make myself float, to feel in the ninth heaven. Of all the things I've experienced in my life, these two feelings are the strongest. And the nasty thing is, I'm the opposite.

If I'm happy then I feel the greatest happiness in the world, the suffering, the pain or the sadness is not even in my vocabulary in those moments ... but then, the ugly part follows. When I suffer, that's all I feel. Pain and sadness stick their fangs into my body and soul and I never lose weight, they don't let a ray of light into anything.

For me, things are white or black.

There is no middle ground.

There is nothing to help me.

All I can do is live happily and hope that I will survive the suffering.

Hailey

I step as lightly as I can to make no sound. I have my shoes in one hand, my phone and my bag in the other, and I walk carefully on the floor. I almost hold my breath as I walk past my mom and dad's bedroom. When I get to the stairs, I breathe a sigh of relief.

The best part is that my mom and dad often forget to lock the door, which makes my job of getting out much easier. I just go out the front door, it's that simple.

It's dark and quiet outside, everyone in the neighborhood is sleeping. This feeling that I am awake when everyone is asleep gives me an energy that I cannot describe so I take a deep breath and start running. Okay, I don't even run like crazy alone in the middle of the night without having a destination to run to.

I stop at a few houses later with a sigh of relief, my shoes still in my hand, yes, I ran barefoot and it was great.

I look at the house in front of which I stopped and after I get under the window I want, I grab a pebble from the floor and throw it. It makes a small dent when it hits the glass. I wait a few seconds and when I see that nothing is happening, I throw another pebble, then another and another. Just as I'm getting ready to throw another one, something moves in front of the window and the window opens:

-What the hell are you doing here? Jordan asks me in a sleepy voice,

"I couldn't sleep."

-Hailey, do you know what time it is?

-The clock shows that it is the perfect time for an adventure!

Jordan seems to have woken up a little, but he's still giving me one of his specific glances, which means he 's going to get me in trouble again? I just shrug and grin. " We'll see, that's why it's an adventure!" He rubs his eyes and I start jumping up because I can't: -Come on, Jordy! Please come with me! He looks at me for a moment and I make my face like an innocent puppy, which makes him roll his eyes: -Okay! I clap and giggle: -Slow down if you don't want to wake up mom and dad and then step by step adventure!

I quickly put my hand over my mouth and wait a few moments until he gets dressed and then comes out the window so easily as if he said he had no bones. This boy knows how to sneak in. He approaches me, I can smell his subtle scent of perfume and gum, his hair is a little ruffled, but I know he doesn't care. That's what I like most about him, he just doesn't give a damn about others:

-So where are you taking me, princess?

I give him an ugly look, but he doesn't impress me, he knows I don't like to be called that. But I'm not really upset, in fact, my condition is very good:

-I want to drink something.

Jordan rolls his eyes.

"And you couldn't do that at home?" In your pantry? Did you have to come and wake me up in the middle of the night to go and have a drink?

-Ah, stop ruining my fun! Plus, I can have a drink with you for free, your dad has a bar!

Jordan snorts

, "Yeah, and if he finds out I was with you at a bar this time, he's going to tie us both to the beam."

Jordan's green eyes sparkle in the night, and I pause for a moment to look at him. He also stops confused when he sees that I am staring at him:

-What else do you have now?

-You're beautiful.

-Ah, Hailey, what the hell? Did you start drinking before you reached me?

-Not. But this thing just crossed my mind and I wanted to say it.

We start walking again, and I shrug.

-It is always better to say what you think when you have the opportunity than to wait for the right moment that may never come.

Jordan looks at me cross-eyed but I don't notice him and we continue on our way to the city center in peace.

We don't go to Thomas' bar, because Jordan is right, if Uncle Thomas finds out we're walking through the bars at this hour, when they think we're home, he and Dad would be able to tie us to the beam.

But we choose the right one, we present our identity cards, false of course. None of us are 18 yet, and no one will let me into a bar so easily if they knew my name was Maxfild. Our fathers have a reputation in the city, and my father is a detective. Nobody wants trouble.

-Do you see a free table? Jordan asks

- Who needs a meal? Let's have a drink at the bar and then it's time to dance!

To show her my point of view, I move my hips a little, in my shorts and the thin top I wear, which makes Jordan roll his eyes:

-Please, please, Hailey, don't make me to fight, I really don't feel like it tonight.

-Ah, Jordan Maxfild doesn't feel like fighting? But what happened?

He shrugs:

-I just have to explain to my mother and father how I get the bruises I get when I have a reason to fight, I don't need to explain anything like that.

I roll my eyes:

-The older you get, the more boring you become!

-The older you get, the more annoying you become!

I show him my middle finger and he grins at me, pretends to send me a kiss and then shows me his finger.

This is my relationship with Jordan, bound by blood to our father's brotherhood and bound to life as best friends. That boy is my soul mate.

I take her to the bar as he looks around to see if there's a girl in this bar to bother with. The truth is, Jordan broke a lot of hearts, unintentionally, but the girls are swarming around him, he's the same with all my cousins, these Maxfild eyelashes have the effect of making women fall in love.

-A vodka with lemon!

The bartender prepares a drink for me and I quickly put it down my throat, lower my glass and go to the dance floor. It's not too crowded, but it's better that way, I have room to move freely. I don't even care about those around me, I just dance like I don't care about this world. I shudder, jump, and try to catch every chord of the electrifying melody that resounds from the speakers, until it changes and a slower melody begins.

I only open my eyes for a moment to look around, but without wanting to, my gaze stops on a table in the VIP area, and I can't help but notice the eyes that are looking at me. We cross our eyes and I admire his brown eyes. I expect him to look away now that I've caught him staring at me, but he doesn't. We keep looking each other in the eye as I dance to the slow song. I move my hips and hands on my body and suddenly I don't feel like I'm dancing for myself, but for him. Maybe I do.

His eyes leave mine for a split second to watch my body undulate, but they always return to my eyes.

The song ends and someone at his table tries to grab his attention, but he doesn't turn his head, doesn't even look away from me until his companion doesn't touch his arm, when he shudders slightly. almost imperceptible, but I notice. It's as if he's just recovered from a dream.

He shifts his gaze and then doesn't look at me at all. And I don't know what to do because all of a sudden, I can't catch the rhythm of the music. It's as if I'm not dancing for him anymore, there's no point in doing it.

I leave the ring and go to the bar for another drink.

I get rid of the fake smile as soon as the massive door of my office closes behind one of the most influential and rich man in the country, and I just persuaded him to join my company. Okay, she's not my company yet, she's my father as long as he's alive. But the company is named after me, Wilder , and will soon be mine.

The door opens and I see Zeke, my best friend, my business advisor at the same time, bursting into the office:

-I just heard about the big victory!

Raise your fist in the air:

-You got one of the best possible contracts! Do you know how many companies tried to persuade him to sign with them, but failed? And you ... shake your head ... You, Shane, have talent. You were born for this thing!

I was born for this thing ... I almost feel like laughing, and I do it to myself. You can't be born for something if from the moment you are born a single thing gets stuck in your throat, it's not like I had a choice. Ever since I came into this world 25 years ago, this company has been like my shadow.

-Are you ready? Zeke asks me

- Ready for what?

-For fun! We're going to celebrate.

I snort,

"I really don't feel like that."

-Oh, no, no, no. You can't be so successful and not even go for a drink! Come on, I booked a meal at a select bar! You'll enjoy!

I look at the Rolex watch I'm wearing on my left hand and see that it's already 10 o'clock in the evening. I could walk a little, and then leave in an hour or so, and so I'd get rid of Zeke's whining about not going out enough.

-Good good.

-Good! The car is waiting for us in front!

I get up from the massive desk and take off my navy suit coat and follow Zeke out of the building to the car.

***

My plan to go invisible after an hour failed. Zeke forgot to let me know that he had invited a few more people, and now I'm caught at this table in the VIP area, and I pretend to listen to what people around me are saying, when in reality, all I do is look at them and not I hear nothing of it as I peek at my watch. It's already 1 at night and I'm still here!

I'm starting to get so bored that I don't even pretend to listen to the people at the table anymore, I just look around the bar without really looking at anything. I just look at all these people who have come here willingly and are having fun.

My gaze stops on a boy and a girl. They are not far from our table and they seem to be arguing. He says something, she shows him her middle finger, he grins, sends her a kiss and in turn shows her finger. I expect the girl to slap him or look at him badly, but all he does is grin at her, then turn on his heel and head for the bar. I watch her order a drink, quickly put it down her throat and head for the dance floor.

She starts dancing with her eyes closed, and I look at the people at the table for a moment, but I can't take my eyes off her too much. The way she dances, the way she moves to the music ... like she doesn't care about this world, like she doesn't dance on a dance floor in a crowded room.

Suddenly he opens his eyes and our eyes meet. My first impulse is to move my gaze, as she catches me staring at her, but something makes me unable to move. And what amazes me is that she's not looking anywhere else.

He holds my gaze as he waves his attractive body at the slow music.

I've never even seen this girl in my life, I've never exchanged a word with her ... And now, when I see her dancing like that, she's talking to me. It's like we're just looking at a dialogue, even though we don't say anything to each other.

Someone shakes my arm and I turn to Zeke frowning when he sees my expression amused:

-Are you ok?

-What ... why wouldn't I be?

-Because I've been calling you for 30 seconds and you're not answering me.

It's possible. In the moments that passed, I didn't hear or see anything but the girl in the ring. I look back at the dance floor, hoping to see her there, dancing, but I can't find her.

It disappeared.

For a moment, I wondered if he was really there or if it was just me.