Advance Human Project (5)

We walked in silence back to my room but the noise inside my head was profound as I imagined it was similar for Bino too. Bino said his dad was an Earth scientist. His dad is one of my enemies and how horrifying that he must be one of Bino’s enemies too. I mean, my parents were vacant and often handed me over to the enemies but they didn’t understand what they were doing. Bino’s dad betrayed him outright! Knowingly!! Oh wow, I feel so horrible for ever thinking Bino’s life was like mine.

We step inside my room. I’m feeling so awkward not sure what to say or do. Thankfully Bino is better with people and asks if we should sit down. How simple but all this Earth talk made my body revert to this fully guarded state. I’m realizing that every muscle in my body is tense. I’m clenching my teeth and, for the first time in a long time, I felt afraid to get within arm's length of another human. I haven’t felt that way since settling on S4. I never felt afraid of Bino and suddenly I realize I am. Why? I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Tears start coming out of my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop them. They keep leaking out surprisingly fast and my breath is coming in with hesitation. I can’t move. I’m getting so overwhelmed with myself. I want to run to my bedroom and lock the door. Bino is turned away from me adjusting a pillow and I think, looking for my comfy blankets. He is turning around and I want to collapse. As soon as he noticed my state he got right up and stood in front of me.

“One.” He pulled me close as I stood there unable to move. All my pain, every bit of physical and emotional pain rose from the caverns from which I had suppressed them. I don’t think I had ever let emotions out like this, at least not since I can remember. It feels safe in Bino’s arms, even if moments ago I felt afraid of him. Bino slowly brings his hands up to my shoulders and then down to my hands that are just hanging beside me. He leads me to the couch and slowly I’m able to gather myself. I was sitting next to Bino leaning on him, which meant he couldn’t see my face. This brought such a relief as it was bad enough I was an emotional mess, I didn’t want Bino watching me be a mess too! I felt my emotions settling quite quickly and was able to take a slow deep breath.

“I’m… so sorry. I haven’t ever been...” I stopped mid-sentence because it wasn’t that I haven’t been that emotional before it was… “Well, I’ve never cried in front of anyone other than my parents or the scientists and now I just feel…” I take another very slow deep breath and pause. “I feel everything right now. It all just came exploding up and out of me. I’m sorry.” I stop talking. If I wasn’t so exhausted by that sudden spewing of emotions I’d be horrified this all just happened.

Bino didn’t just start talking. I know a chunk of time has passed but I’m honestly not sure how long. “I thought I’d know where to start with my own story,” Bino says with kinda a scoffing noise to go with it. “They presented a completely safe trial of scientific advancement that would give me an edge over all my peers. My dad said I would be smarter, stronger, and just more advanced if I participated in the trials. I was a teenager, it sounded perfect. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out. It turns out my dad isn’t my biological dad. My mom was brainwashed or something into marrying my dad. She was a single young woman who went to a hospital to have a baby and somehow left with a husband. That's what my grandma used to joke. Turns out it’s not at all funny.”

Bino may be crying, I’m not sure. He took a long slow breath and is now extending his left arm out straight, with his hand pushing against his knee. He’s just as uncomfortable as I am talking about our hells, that much I can tell. I want to comfort Bino but I’m not sure how much of a response he wants from me. I feel like opening up about Earth creates this new level of vulnerability between us but I don’t know how he feels.

Plus now, I have so many questions about his life. I want to start blurting them out. How did you find out that what they do is evil? What lab did you spend time in? Were we at the same place at the same time before? What was your mom like? I finally raise my head after what seems like hours and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I briefly make eye contact with Bino and we exchange what can only be described as a moment of understanding. I feel like I have a new understanding of his pain and that goes a long way in understanding anyone.

As I step into the bathroom, I’m starting to recall a period when I was stuck in a particular lab. While I was at that lab, during that time, the torture was intense. Then a face flashes into my memory. It was a young Bino! Oh my god! I finish using the bathroom and walk back more anxious to start asking questions. I sit down looking Bino right in the eyes, I’m sitting up straight and realize I don’t have a hint of sadness left. I know Bino was in at least that lab at the same time.

“I just saw you in the bathroom. Well, I saw you from a memory. A younger you was observing me at an AHP lab. I remember your face because you looked frightened to see me and I had never witnessed that response to any of us at one of their labs. It was as if we were just basic lab rats instead of humans, never mind we were also just vulnerable and scared children. I also remember wondering if you were one of us or a young scientist.” As I was telling Bino my memory I could see the surprise and horror take control of him. He raised his hands to his head as if he didn’t hold it, it would explode.

“One as in #1 AHP, as in ‘The One’. Oh my god One, I didn’t make the connection until now. Your head was shaved then and they all referred to you as ‘The One’. I’m so sorry! After seeing you that day, all…” Bino stopped talking. I know I started thinking about what I must have looked like that day and maybe Bino did too. I had been physically beaten badly that day and electrocuted. I remember blood dripping from my right eyebrow as I happened to look up at the same moment Bino was looking in at me. It was never long I was in this state which is probably why they were observing me then. I don’t remember them seeing me again once I was healed but I’m sure they got a before-and-after view.

“After seeing you all beaten, bleeding, and crying I freaked out! I started asking all sorts of questions and panicking. My ‘dad’ motioned for someone to come closer as we were walking down the hall. I thought they were coming so he could tell them something but that person came and stuck me in the neck with a needle. I spent a long time at that lab after that. That day, the day I saw you was the last day of freedom I experienced until S4.”

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