A Slice Of Chocolate Cake Heaven

Call me eccentric if you like. Some may even call me weird. Whatever the case; I love chocolate cake. When I say I love chocolate cake, I mean I LOVE chocolate cake. Not any old chocolate cake. Not the mass-produced store-bought kind but cake created by a chef or a baker who actually cares about the ingredients and the end product. My idea of heaven is to sit at a table on a beautiful sunny day, not too hot, on a quiet street at an outdoor cafe frequented by pretty girls, at a table shaded by an umbrella with a perfect cup of coffee and a perfect slice of perfect chocolate cake.

I am still seeking the latter. That is why I have offered a million dollars to anyone who can provide me with the world's most perfect chocolate cake. If I could achieve this, everything in my life would be perfect except that is, my health.

I am well set financially after unloading my hedge fund company for a cool half a billion dollars in after-tax dollars. This provides me with the opportunity to pursue my whim. I'm not married - anymore. I have no children that I know of. I have no siblings and my parents are long gone. I like to dress well. My favorite car is a Jaguar. I have a penthouse apartment in a nice district of the city. I enjoy good food, though I would hesitate to claim to be a gourmet - and I like to travel. I now have the money to indulge all my whims. And, I really enjoy my own company. The only glitch I had in my business operations was having to fire an assistant over a rather large accounting error. She protested her innocence at the time but business is business and my policy was to not tolerate errors, even if the error did not cost me money, on the contrary...........

Without going into details, the "error" culminated in me being able to move a quarter of a billion dollars to an offshore account.

I should mention there were a few disgruntled clients who voiced their displeasure over the sale of my company. They had accumulated losses in their accounts at the time of the sale but as I pointed out in my correspondence, I had always advised clients to look at their investments as a long-term plan. One client became quite enraged feeling I was deserting a sinking ship but as I have always said; you can please some of the people all of the time but not all of the people all of the time.

My big weakness is chocolate. Specifically, in the form of chocolate cake. The history of chocolate is interesting in itself. Half the books in my library are on the topic of chocolate whose four thousand-year journey to the modern era began in Mesoamerica, or Mexico as it is known today. This is where the first cacao plants were discovered and eventually cultivated. I like Mexico. They do wonderful things with chocolate. The early Mexicans, the Mayans praised chocolate as the drink of the gods. I praise chocolate cake as the cake of the gods. Really!

Currently, the best-known chocolate cake in the world is Sacher cake. The "Sachertorte" is the famous Viennese cake and is "reportedly" the most famous chocolate cake in the world. And has been since 1832. I say "reportedly" as I have heard a whisper of a chocolate cake so delicious, so moist, so joyous to the taste buds, it takes your breath away. And I want it.

But, back to Sacher Cake for a minute. I have tasted over thirty different versions and while five of them were up on my cake scale in the 8 to 9 region, none have topped 10 yet, or preferably, 11.

The PR firm who is handling my contest bought back the whispers of a most exquisite chocolate cake ever made. I was enjoying my own company on my private patio, reading the daily papers having just finished my morning swim, and working on a delightful cappuccino when my private phone rang.

"John Taylor speaking."

"John, it's Phillip Stephens. Have I caught you at a good time?"

Phillip is the major partner in the PR firm of Stephens, Jones and Perkins. Phillip is a good man, though a trifle stuffy and has a tendency to beat around the bush.

"Perfect timing Phillip. What do you have for me?"

"I didn't want to disturb your early morning routine John so my apologies if am intruding."

I could tell from Phillip's voice he was excited about something but being the gentleman he was, he had to go through the usual greetings and client/ business interactions.

"Not at all John; I'm just relaxing after my swim and was actually thinking of calling you."

There was a pause at the other end of the line.

"John. I have some further information on the chocolate cake you are searching for. This relates to Porcelana chocolate and I know it's high on your list."

"Go on Phillip."

There was a pause.

"It seems the Porcelana chocolate bean is key to a recipe developed by a person in Italy who declines to be identified. It seems she is not interested in your offer as it stands.......John, are you there?"

I was listening but my mind had drifted. Some say Porcelana is the most expensive chocolate in the world. It has won various awards around the world from the Academy of Chocolate, including Best Bean to Bar, Best Dark Chocolate Bar, and the Golden Bean award. There is an argument that Porcelana has been replaced by Knipschildt's La Madeline au Truffe, said by Forbes Magazine to be the most expensive chocolate in the world. Myself, I prefer the Porcelana and I'm the expert.

"John?"

"Sorry Phillip. I was lost in thought. You were saying she?"

"Yes. She. This lady is prepared to pass along her recipe to you with several conditions attached."

"She's not interested in my standing offer?"

"There's more." Phillip continued. "She wants considerably more than one million and there are other conditions that she will only discuss with you."

"This woman. Who is she?"

"This is the strange part of this deal John. She refuses to identify herself until you agree to her terms."

"How much are we talking Phillip? In dollars"

"Two hundred and fifty million for her and she will only divulge the balance of her demand to you."

I was stunned.

"Is there any way we can find out who this woman is?"

"No. She is represented by a law firm. A very high-end law firm I should add. I have a package here for you from her. Shall I send it over?"

I racked my brain's trying to sort out who this mysterious woman could be. I knew all my clients with the exception of one. A year before I sold my company, I was contacted by a law firm that represented a client looking for investment opportunities. I was recommended to this client. But, the client was to remain anonymous. This was very outside the ordinary but, as the law firm was a very big firm with a very good reputation, I agreed. Could this be the mystery woman?

"A quarter of a billion dollars? For her?"

"Yes. Seems she is very emphatic on the number."

I must admit. My mind was reeling. The mystery woman must be the anonymous client but who is she?

I was being blackmailed. A quarter of a billion dollars to the mystery woman and who knows what else. This was going to be a very expensive chocolate cake if I succumbed to her demands that I was damn well not intending to do.

"Phillip. Send me the package and let me ponder on this and call you back."

I turned off my phone and settled back in my chair. A mystery woman was offering me what could possibly be the most magnificent chocolate cake in the world for a quarter of a billion dollars.

An hour later, my intercom buzzed.

"Special delivery for Mr. John Taylor."

I signed the delivery slip and took the package into the kitchen. Inside was a plastic Tupperware container and a thick brown envelope. In the container was something wrapped in foil and packed with foam to prevent it from moving around. I took it out and removed the foil. It was a slice of chocolate cake. I placed it on a plate. It looked good. Very good. I took a fork and a knife from the cutlery drawer and carved off a small piece. I sniffed it. It smelt even better. I popped it into my mouth. Oh heaven. It melted on my tongue. Then I opened the envelope.

Inside were several layers of documents and on top, a note. I unfolded it and read.

Dear Mr. Taylor.

If you are reading this note, you have received a slice of the chocolate cake you so desire. After you fired me and ruined my reputation, I have spent the last several years researching chocolate. I could say I now know more about chocolate than you do. The slice of cake you have in your possession is from a recipe of which there is only one copy in the world. It is in my possession. If you agree to my terms, it will be yours. If you don't, it will be destroyed and you with it.

How did I come about the money I invested? That is another story for another day. Don't think of this as blackmail though I am sure you have already. Look at it as payback.

Please sign the papers. You will find them all in order. They just require your signature. Oh. Please enjoy the slice of cake. The only copy of the recipe will be sent along with the original documents I have provided you copies of when all the other documents are received. There is a pre-paid courier envelope for your convenience.

You have 48 hours. If I have not received the signed documents within that time, the originals of the copies I have provided to you will be turned over to the FBI.

I was furious. I read through the documents and discovered she had done her homework. There was a list of the clients with totals of their losses. The total? A quarter of a billion dollars. And, of course, directions for $250 million to be wired for her benefit. Included in the envelope were copies of documents that could have set me up for a twenty-year term in jail.

Needless to say, I spent a sleepless night. Try as I might, I could not think of an escape from my predicament. Half a billion dollars for the world's most exclusive chocolate cake and the rest of my life in jail.

The next morning, I signed all the documents and sent them off in the pre-paid courier envelope provided, resigning myself to owning the world's most exclusive and most expensive chocolate cake.

Now, here it is three weeks later and I am still waiting for the original documents and for my recipe. I had been conned. I did receive a cake, however. Small compensation would be the opinion of someone who had never tasted the best chocolate cake in the world. It was simply the most delightful chocolate cake I have ever tasted.

With the average chocolate cake providing 16 slices if one sliced sparingly, I calculated the most delightful chocolate cake in the world cost me around $15 million dollars a slice. With my doctors giving me just 6 months of life left, if I'm lucky, that works out to one slice every two and half weeks.

However, I would hate to die with any of my precious cake left uneaten.

If you have any comments, disagreements, or additional information on this post, please contact me through my website.

Follow me on TWITTER, FACEBOOK & LINKEDIN.on my website.

My direct email is handshakeconsultantsATshaw.ca