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A Heavy Heart

Random ramblings about a caged heart that wants to be set free but is afraid and turns cold.

By Manisha DhalaniPublished about a year ago 3 min read
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A Heavy Heart
Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

At a constant dissonance with what the mind says, the heart carries the weight of the world, unsure of how to let go of this burden. It tears out its veins in anguish, wondering if in fact, it has committed a crime, a crime so futile that the victims forget about it within seconds.

But this heart doesn’t forget, neither does it forgive. And of all people who it doesn’t release off its chains, its strongest handcuffs are made for the one that owns it.

The prisoner of the heart is its jailor, too.

A jailor who is consistently slamming the baton on his palms, waiting for the right moment to slam the barricades of the heart, awakening terror inside the prisoner. A jailor whose duty is to stay on constant vigil to not let its prisoner escape, a prisoner that has been sentenced without evidence, by false accusations. Innocent yet guilty. Guilty but feigning innocence. What will the verdict be? What will the juries decide? Or is this a prison with no power to sentence based on evidence? Just punishment for the mere thought of a crime.

Scared, weak and helpless; where is the heart to go? What is a heart to do?

Who will free this heart from the prison that it has placed itself in? Willingly.

The heart clings on to every breath that its prison mate, the lungs, brings in every second. It holds on tight to the ribs of its jailor, hoping one day that with the release of the air, his weaknesses, his sins would vanquish too.

Many years pass, but the guilt, sorrow and burdens of the heart still remain intact, cluttered by more toxicity. The mind floods the body with negativity that the spirit ensues, and further finger-pointing that the heart has no choice but to endure.

When will it stop? When will this blame game come to an end? Or is this a case of victim mentality, where the heart thinks it has been wronged only for nobody else to think the same way?

The heart contemplates many other forms of escapes, of letting go, but as it does, and continues to fail in its attempts, it hardens. It watches the world through the gates that it has been barred behind. It sees how mundane yet chaotic, pleasant yet painful the world is. It sees how there is good but there is also evil. It sees the rainbow but it also sees the raindrops. It sees the sunshine and the bush fires.

The heart cannot understand. Is it being imprisoned from the world? Cast aside to not become part of other beings. Or is this cage a sanctuary, a safe space from all the atrocities that it could possibly face?

It becomes cold. It becomes hard. It becomes immune. It becomes numb.

No longer can it now feel the pain of others, feel the pain of itself. No longer can it care, or give a flying hoot about the jailor when he walks by swinging his baton around, threatening the heart of what is yet to come.

“Beat me, abuse me, accuse me, but excuse me, for I no longer care.”

“For the day I stop, you will stop. All of you will cease to exist!” it screams.

Yet the heart continues to carry out its duties, to stay alive, yet wonders at all times, if staying alive and allowing evil to rise is even part of its responsibilities. Is breeding toxicity its job?

It waits, day in and out, for an answer to come.

And answer that could make or break it all.

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About the Creator

Manisha Dhalani

Content writer and marketer helping solopreneurs achieve organic growth. Loves reading, eating cake, and having insightful conversations.

www.manishadhalani.com

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