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13th Ticket Back to Class

Was war your mistress?

By David ParhamPublished 2 years ago 16 min read
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Devon and I were staring at the stack of papers Tom had sent. We turned each page placing one on top of the next careful not to get anything out of order.

“What are we looking for in all of this?” I wanted to know.

“ ‘Once you unravel the mysteries you will arrive at the Threshold. Open the door and step through.’ Grasshopper.”

“Okay, so we have a mystery. What is the mystery going to reveal?”

“Mysteries, plural.”

“More than one.”

Devon starts to sing. “ ‘I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy...We decided that we would have a soda... he said one word to me and that was dead.’* Start with dead. All these people are dead. And those that aren’t soon will be.”

“Do you think this song applies to us? You couldn’t get what you wanted so with me you got what you need?”

Devon smiled. “That goes both ways, Mr. Jimmy.”

“I suppose it does.” I said.

“The relationship between Yuri and Anastasia reminds me of us.”

“Because the age difference?” I asked.

“That and because she found a way to be content after a not easy life. That’s how I feel with you. She admits Alexandra, the first wife, is the love of his life and she’s okay with that. ‘After he finally became mine I didn’t want to talk about other women especially the love of his life. He would be off to see her soon enough. I just wanted a bit of time with him.’ You finally became mine, Mr. Jimmy, I just want a bit of time. Don’t make me play second fiddle to a woman who hasn’t been in your life for thirty years.”

I put the papers back in the envelope. I took her hand. “When I said, back in my brother’s office, let’s start a new chapter, I meant it.”

“I know you mean it I just didn’t know the book I thought we closed was going to turn up with a surprise ending.”

“Either did I.”

“If these papers had come into your possession say, twenty years ago, would you have jumped in and started investigating?”

“I couldn’t have left this on my desk without doing something about it. But that was then.”

“And here we are today. Best Regards Toni.”

Back to school

I faced the class. I wanted to present the lesson in way that encouraged students to ask questions.

“I knew a guy who sold a particular product. He made a good living, he was a good salesman. The product was the first of it’s kind and soon everybody wanted what he was selling.”

Jules stood up. “What was he selling, exactly? Are we going to learn the name of this product and what it does?”

“What it did. It’s no longer on the market. My salesman friend is in jail. My goal today is to study the scandal caused by a salesman, certain members of congress, environmental lobbyists, eco terrorists and American troops stationed at bases all over the world. Those are the players. Write that down. Also write the names, Harold Hollman and his brother Richard. We'll get to them later. Now let’s give this Product a name. Product A or ProA."

"My friend is selling ProA. He's having a really good year. People have seen the ads, watched the TV spots, prospective customers are calling their local grocery and hardware stores asking for ProA. In turn store managers are placing orders. Once they get ProA in stock it starts flying off store shelves."

Kendall Davis shoots out of his seat. “Does the salesman have a name?”

“Joe Dellarose. That’s his real name. Coworkers called him JoeD."

“Thank you.” Said Kendall. “So, Mr. Mallam, just so I have this right, JoeD is taking large orders from big chains not selling ProA like one can at a time?”

“Exactly. JoeD has nation wide accounts. What do we have so far? Check notes.”

Jules raised her hand. “ProA was first to market. Did Joe’s company invent ProA?”

“Yes they did.”

Kendall stands up. “Did they have patents on the product?”

“Yes. but that doesn't effect our discussion today."

Jamal stands. “It sounds like they had a great marketing program.”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“An observation.” Said Jamal.

“Good observation. Newspapers, television, radio and magazines. Saturation marketing. The goal: make ProA a household name.”

Sandy asks, “how long does it take to make something a house hold name?”

"Depends on repetition. How many times the company is willing to run an add or a TV spot. The amount of repetition depends on the marketing budget."

Devon is up. “Did ProA want people to believe they needed ProA? Were they trying to create a need for this product?”

“Excellent. Yes. Repeat advertising did create what people perceived as a need. The sales stats for the first two years ProA was a consumer brand back that up. But what happens when ProA meets ProB? A less expensive competitor?”

Ian says, “another must-have product for the greedy American consumer?”

Devon again. “Increase advertising budgets downplay the qualities of your competitor?”

"Yes, again excellent but let me go back, for a second, to repetition. Becoming a household name can take decades. ProA was on the market for almost 3 years before it was pulled from store shelves. They achieved household name status in certain parts of the country but it was far from nation wide."

Adrian on his feet. "How did they combat their less expensive competitor?"

“They didn't. ProA never launched a retaliatory strike. In fact they slashed their advertising budget.”

Sandy’s hand goes up. “Were these two products really that different? Pros A and B?”

"Why do I think your asking questions you already know the answers to?"

Sandy smiles, says nothing.

“Here's the scene. Two kids both wearing ProA and ProB t-shirts, a school yard, a crowd of students gather, A fight is about to happen. Tension is thick. ProB is scrawny but scrappy. I think they found him in a children’s hospital because he was cute but he really looked sickly. The school yard bully, wearing the ProA shirt is the most unlikeable looking kid I've ever seen and he’s dying to crush this weak, undeserving competitor. It was set up perfectly, the dog and the underdog. Casting was magnificent. ProA: 'What you doing in my neighborhood? You wanna catch a beating?' They were talking like a couple of guys in a Mafia movie. ProB: 'Hey loser, I’m not going anywhere.' ProA picks up ProB and tosses him into the crowd. The crowd catches him, stands him back up. Scrawny ProB has heart and isn’t defeated so easily. He walks up and punches ProA right in the nose, ProA hits the ground hard. When ProA tries to get up, the crowd, the third character in this drama shouts in unison, 'STAY DOWN, PROA, STAY DOWN!' Scrawny ProB states, 'ProA You didn’t get knocked out by me you got knocked out by ‘Intelligent Chemicals.’ The crowd, acting like the Greek chorus now chants, 'I C I C I C.' I C equals I see. I understand. I C also equals Intelligent Chemicals. How many times a day do you say, I see? The last scene, an overhead shot, the crowd scatters leaving ProA sitting alone in the mud. Totally defeated. ProA needed to be defeated."

Jules. "Was all this accompanied by dramatic music?"

"Absolutely. It was like a Hollywood production."

"It won some awards." Said Sandy.

Ian stands. “Hold it, hold it, did people ask what 'Intelligent Chemicals' are...were...made of?"

“The big mystery. What are ‘Intelligent Chemicals,’ how do they work? Joe asked for some direction from upper management but none was forthcoming. So, when faced with objections, he simply lied."

Jules asked, “what lies?”

“JoeD started telling people that ProA invented intelligent chemicals. He didn't know it but he wasn't lying. However lying about a competitor never bothered him before.”

Devon raises her hand, stands. “Why didn’t they just say stronger chemicals?”

“Stronger was an overused word. Stronger dish soap, stronger bug spray, stronger and longer had been used to death, as well as new and improved. So marketing comes up with ‘Intelligent Chemicals.’ The brand smart people use.”

“Did it work?” Ian wants to know.

“Who doesn’t want to be smart?” I ask.

“Not Joe.” Said Kendall

“Yeah, How did ProA marketing and sales respond to competition?” Jamal asked.

“They didn't respond. Joe’s instructions were, don’t change what you’ve been doing. sit there and take orders. You'll be taking less and less orders but that's okay.”

Adrian rose up. “It’s really hard for me to believe that people would buy into the Intelligent Chemicals handle.”

“Really? Have you ever used ‘Scrubbing Bubbles?’ The average shopper doesn’t have the time or inclination to study the science involved in the creation of household cleaning products. We want Polish that polishes, soap that gets the dirt out, solvents that cut through grease and grime. Our grandparents swore by soap and water and elbow grease. Scrubbing gets stuff clean. Today big companies develop faster, easier ways to clean a variety of surfaces and we accept the advertising shorthand of logos, catchphrases, jingles, customer testimonials, TV skits and their emotional impact. Most times marketing and science works. It’s been a good marriage for many years."

“Was the lie about ProA inventing ProB the only one he told?” Asked Jules.

“One of the ironies of this case is that, Joe, who was often tempted to lie, and did, told the truth without knowing it. ProA invented ProB. This is the take away, never embellish a story. Truth is always stranger than any fiction you can create. Lies are the reason I've never spoken to Joe outside of prison.”

Adrian stood up. “What landed him in prison?”

“JoeD taped his own promotional video. He found an actor who spoke Arabic, dressed him up as a warlord and had him announce, to the world, that he was going to annihilate his enemies using Intelligent Chemicals. IC. The make-believe terrorist thugs surrounding the warlord started chanting I C I C I C. Which was hilarious. Cross fade to the kids in the first TV spot chanting I C I C I C . Cut to newsreel footage of a car bomb going off. No longer funny. Cross fade to more newsreel footage of people dying from a chemical weapons attack. Tragic. In this last scene, the most horrific, floats the logo Intelligent Chemicals. It wasn't funny anymore but Joe didn't care. He wasn't making the big money he was used to, somebody had to pay. Joe leaked his video to the press hoping to discredit his competitors. News outlets ran with it. Pretty soon every law enforcement agency we identify with three letters was onto him. He earned himself five years in prison. That’s where I met him.”

“Why didn’t people understand it was fiction?” Devon asked.

"If he hadn't used newsreel footage he may have gotten away with it. When you show men, women and children dying you've crossed a line. Joe made a statement he couldn't take back."

Adrian asked, "What was the source, where did all this start?"

"In a nutshell PFC Harold Hollman, remember him? Harold got a rash on his arm. He goes to the medic says he thinks he may have had an allergic reaction to the stuff they're cleaning the floor with. He thinks, he's not sure. The medic gives him a topical ointment tells him to use it for a week and the rash will go away. Sure enough that's exactly what happens. Hollman writes home and asks his mom to send him some of this ointment. She does. Hollman's brother, Richard becomes aware of Harold's situation and decides to call his congressman just to let him know his brother is dying because of toxic chemicals the US department of defense is using to clean living quarters. Then he calls the local television station and gives a teary-eyed interview. The interview get's picked up by national news outlets at the same time, well not exactly the same time, but within a few days of Joe's video being leaked."

"So Joe and Richard didn't know each other?" Asks Jules.

"Not even a little bit. But that didn't stop news outlets from calling them co-conspirators. When they couldn't connect them people started saying, everything happens for a reason. The Reason: ProA must be poison."

Adrian again. "So it starts with one guy getting a rash?"

"Yes but once the rash is exposed everyone wants to scratch the itch.”

“Pretty big lie?” Ian stated.

“It was poisonous to insects but a press release from some other bad actors, environmentalists actually, implied it could harm to humans. Scratch that itch.

"Bug spray?" asked Kendall

“Deadly for bugs, safe for humans. In fact after having great success with military applications ProA decided to make it available to civilians. This protest sprang up approximately two maybe, two and a half years after it hit the civilian market. To quell the cacophony of voices from all sides of the political spectrum they create a completely different company to sell the same product."

I guess, JoeD didn’t get the memo.” Jamal said.

“Did you break the story, Mr. Mallam?” Ian asks.

“No.”

“How was it handled?” Asks Adrian

“To the conservative news media it's a nonissue. The Military has been using ProA for years, it’s safe. They have all the data to back up their claims. The liberal media is reporting that ProA is the worst thing since napalm. Who cares about the data when you have the anti war crowd on your side? Would you lie to stop a war? If the water's weren't already muddy enough Joe’s legal eagle jumps in claiming that Joe knew about the cover up and how dangerous ProA really was. 'Our Joe produced the video to try and bring attention to this horrible problem. ‘Joseph Dellarose risked his life making this video and should be considered a hero. To me, he's ProJoe’ ProA is the poison killing our fighting men and women and Projoe is taking orders."

Ian rises up. “Who believes this crap?”

“‘People kind of thought it was all a steaming pile of dog poop especially after the late night talk show hosts started making jokes about it. But after Joe’s lawyer made his statement people believed Joe knew it was poison and was selling it anyway. That’s when the largest grocery chain in America filed suit. The stuff was recalled and cleared off shelves."

“All this over freaking bug spray?” Said Adrian

“Clean floors win wars. Think before you write and release. That’s it until Friday."

The room starts to empty out and here comes Sandy, with a book in her hand. BugSpray by James Mallam. “Could you sign it?” She asks.

I turn a few pages and underneath the dedication I see JoeD’s signature in black ink. The next page there’s an LX. “Do you know these guys?” I ask.

“Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe’s cellmate.” She smiles pointing to LX.

“Your kidding.” I quickly signed my name but left out an inspiring message like, you’ll make a great reporter someday. I always loved signing my own work for appreciative readers, frankly it never gets old but something about being the third man to sign my own book made me kind of angry. Ego I guess. I wouldn’t say this to Sandy or in front of the class but her uncle was a lying scumbag before he went to prison. Incarceration didn’t improve his personality. I could only imagine what he was like with Lance Bellows as a cellmate.

“They practice yoga together,” said Sandy.

“Is that right? How are they doing?” I asked like I was interested.

“Their yoga teacher taught them how to have an out of body experience."

I looked at my watch. “I have to run, Sandy. Thanks for sharing though.” I almost said, say hi to your uncle, but thought better of it.

“Thanks for signing my book, Mr. Mallam.”

Into this drama comes another character, a convict who is actually in the same prison Joe is in. His name is Lance Bellows aka LanceX. LanceX is a street name. He’s doing time for aggravated assault, attempted murder, robbery, the list goes on. You name it he’s done it.

Devon

I pulled into Devon’s driveway at 4.00p. I was getting out of my car when she came flying out her front door like she was late. “Get in the truck, Jim.”

“Sure where are we off to?”

“Car wash.”

“Okay.” I slid into the passenger side of her pickup. “This should be fun.” I said.

“You wash your own car, Jimmy?”

“A mobile service comes over and does it once a week.”

“I need to ask you a question. Have you ever lived a normal life, Jimmy?”

“Define normal?”

“Like your parents have. They make dinner, they sit down together, eat. When you were with Melissa did she ever make dinner for you?”

“There’s not much you can make in a hotel room. I think she tried making tacos once. room service was preferable to making our own food.”

“Did you ever want a life with her, like both come home, watch television, eat a meal one of you cooked? Ever?"

“Yes we wanted a life, Neither one of us cared about cooking.”

“Why?” Devon screamed. “Why not, Jim? I’ve seen this woman, she’s gorgeous. she’s the kind of woman men fight wars over. Look up bar room brawl/cause of in the dictionary and you’ll see her picture. I’m not kidding. She’s super smart, beyond beautiful; didn’t you want to come home to her at night?

“Of course I did.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I don’t have an answer that will please you. We were together but separate. We both wanted out of Range."

"Were you ever afraid that she would be seduced by some guy in her office or that she would find someone else more attractive, more intelligent than you?”

“No. I never had the luxury of meeting her as an adult and being swept away by her beauty. I grew up watching the flower bloom. I worried about her safety when she traveled. But I didn’t worry about other men. Maybe I should have.”

“Somebody convinced her to run away. Somebody convinced her to live a completely different life. I think She wanted what I want.”

“And that is?”

“A man who comes home at night, a guy who does normal guy things like cut the grass, fix a leaky pipe and...and....”

“And wash your truck?”

“That too.”

“What brought all this on, this terrible mood your in?”

“Watching you in class. I’ve never seen someone so absorbed in what they’re teaching. And students hanging on every word. Your groupies: Ian, Adrian, Ken Doll, Jamal; their sophomoric observations. Sandy holding onto your book barely able to contain herself. Did she pee her pants before or after you signed it? I’ve logged a lot of classroom hours and had maybe 3 teachers that could present a lesson without looking at notes or a text book. Those were the best teachers. I’m watching you and I start to wonder if Melissa was your true love or did journalism come first? Was war your mistress? I love that your a rock star but I also want a man who does normal guy stuff too.”

“Like washing your truck?”

“Like your parents.”

"My parents? Was the stew really that good?"

Mystery
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About the Creator

David Parham

Writer, Filmmaker, Digital artist.

The ever Changing Complexities of Life, Fear, Mysteries and Capturing that which may not be there Tomorrow.

Complex, Change, Fear, Mystery, Tomorrow & Capture. Six reasons I write.

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