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Women's Awakening Special issue: are you a woman who gives too much?

Do you have the habit that when a husband or boyfriend you care about doesn't pay attention to you, you will do more and sacrifice yourself for him? In order to please him, pay a higher price. And you think that if you give him more love and care, he will automatically give you the same thoughtfulness and care. Have you ever found that whenever you give more, he ignores you even more, not only does not see what you have done for him, but takes you for granted, or even pushes you further? When you work for him, the last thing you feel is bitterness, fatigue and helplessness. You feel angry and unfair. But did he force you to do all this? Or do you want to?

By testPublished 4 months ago 4 min read

If you are such a woman, you should wake up! Understand why you sacrifice yourself too much? How do you change this state and transform yourself from a powerless victim to a woman who loves herself, is powerful, and whose partner loves you very much?

I see a lot of women around me, from my family, counseling cases, and other female therapists, have this habit of giving too much. I have observed that women who usually go beyond their own boundaries and care too much about others are the ones who need to be cared for most. Because they yearn for recognition, love and a sense of value, they will specially do what looks like compassion for others, but they put a price tag on every action they give, hoping for something in return. If the other party does not give back, these women will feel lost and empty, and may pay more, creating a vicious circle.

This is the subconscious mode of many women, the mode of their survival, and most of the time, they unconsciously sacrifice themselves in order to please each other. Women think that their male companion will give more just like themselves, but the man is actually very sensitive. He can feel that there is a price at the bottom of what you give, just as on the surface you stretch out your hand to give, but there is another hidden hand underneath. Asking him. A man can feel your scarcity, lack of sense of security, ask him, hold on to his hand, and avoid you.

For example, Lisa wants her husband to help with more housework spontaneously, so she often stays up late to do her husband's computer homework for her husband, but Lisa finds that her husband doesn't thank her, doesn't help with the housework, and even ignores her more and more. Lisa cried bitterly and asked me, why is this happening?

In addition to explaining the above concept to Lisa, that is, to overpay in order to please others. I told Lisa that men are attracted to women who know how to take good care of themselves. If a woman respects herself, loves herself, and knows how to take responsibility for her own happiness, she will be a happy, joyful, glamorous woman who will naturally attract the attention of men. Men will want to get close to such a woman and keep doing things for her to make her happy. A man doesn't want to get close to a tired, needy, complaining woman, no matter how much she does for a man.

Your partner is a mirror. How you treat yourself will determine how he treats you.

I also share with Lisa that recently some hormonal studies have been done in the United States and found that when women give and give, their bodies produce a lot of Oxytocin, a hormone that makes women feel connected to each other. According to research, when oxytocin is secreted more, it lowers the stress hormone (Stress Hormones) and makes women feel comfortable and relaxed. But when a woman gives up all her energy, she will become tired, withered and irritable, and when her male partner sees that she has done so much and does not give her anything in return, the woman will begin to resent. At this time, whether a woman chooses to continue to give more, but secretly yearns for something back, or complains to her partner and does something wrong to her partner, she is hurting herself.

In order to stop this negative pattern, Lisa, like all women like her, needs to develop more self-awareness and slow down whenever she feels physically and emotionally tired, remembering that it is her responsibility to take care of herself, relax, rest, and replenish her spirit, and don't put this responsibility on others.

If you have some demands on your partner, such as Lisa's desire for her husband to do more housework, you can talk to him in a positive way, instead of secretly hoping that the other person will automatically understand your needs, and don't think that he will start to give when he sees you give. The next time you start to sacrifice yourself, please honestly look at your underlying intentions, is it because you lack something that you want him to make up for you, or do you really have unconditional love to share with him?


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