Why It’s Okay To Hate Your Family

by Claire Raymond 3 months ago in humanity

It doesn’t matter that they’re family if they’re terrible people 

Why It’s Okay To Hate Your Family

Sometimes it seems like you can’t escape this phoney image of the “perfect family.” All smiles, laughter and togetherness like something straight from a greetings card. And being constantly bombarded by images and messages like these can leave you feeling confused and frustrated. Mainly because your family isn’t like that, but it’s okay because nobody’s family is.But knowing that you’re not alone doesn’t make it any easier. You still wonder why your family doesn’t really seem “normal” like everyone else’s. You wonder why people see family gatherings as something to look forward to, rather than something to fear or dread. You wonder what it’s like to turn to your family for advice and not be afraid to be ridiculed or judged. 

We’re constantly told and shown what families should be like, but we’re hardly ever told what they are really like. And because there’s such a toxic level of privacy around family matters, nobody ever really talks about them. And even when we do finally have the courage to either talk about a problematic family member or try to distance ourselves from them. We’re told “but they’re your family,” like that’s supposed to mean something to you, even when it clearly doesn’t to them. 

It’s Perfectly Normal To Hate At Least Some Of Your Family

You might not hate all of them, you might tolerate or even like some members. But hating some of them is perfectly normal. They’re human beings and so are you. Just because you happen to have been born into the same family, doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll like each other. The only thing that brought you together was chance, it doesn’t mean anything. And if a family member is toxic, don’t listen to anyone that tells you that you owe them because “they’re family.” If they were a colleague or casual acquaintance then you would avoid them as much as you possibly could, so why should your family be any different? 

You Have To Take Care Of Yourself First

Taking care of yourself is the most important thing when it comes to toxic family members. People might expect you to take care of them. But unless they’re physically or mentally unable to take care of themselves, you don’t have to. Toxic family members will drain every ounce of energy, confidence and positivity from you, so you need to replenish all these things as often as you can. If you don’t take care of yourself and you let them drag you down, you will end up bitter, tired and isolated. It might seem selfish and unnatural to you, but it really isn’t. It’s essential for your mental health. 

Look At It From Someone Else’s Perspective

If you witnessed someone you cared about being treated the way you are, what would you do? Would you encourage them to go back for more? To Just put up with the abuse? Or would you tell them that they need to put themselves first for once and get as far away as they possibly can?

Stop Making And Accepting Excuses

“Oh, you know how your dad gets” “That’s just your brothers’ way” “She didn’t mean anything by it.” How many times a year/month/week do you hear these phrases? More than you should I bet. And we’ve all said them at some point. But all phrases like this do is enable people’s toxic, mean-spirited and irresponsible behaviour to continue without being challenged. Just because that’s how a person has been for a long time, doesn’t mean that it’s okay. 

So basically, if you hate your family members then that’s okay. You’re not the only person in the world who does. And I really think it’s perfectly normal to hate at least one of your family members. 

Claire Raymond
Claire Raymond
Read next: Understanding the Effects of Addiction on the Family
Claire Raymond

I have been a writer for 14 years now, I'll figure it out one day.

See all posts by Claire Raymond