Want to have children? Think twice.

by Estrella Lo 4 months ago in humanity

When I first addressed this issue to my parents, they teased me and claimed that I was overthinking. But can such a serious topic be considered excessively? As a child of divorce and emotional abuse, I would have to disagree.

Want to have children? Think twice.

When I first addressed this issue to my parents, they teased me and claimed that I was overthinking. But can such a serious topic be considered excessively? As a child of divorce and emotional abuse, I would have to disagree.

Growing up, I always felt out of place. I constantly thought, “Why would my parents give birth to me if they harness more energy into their petty arguments than taking care of me? Why would they make me their middleman during conflicts?” But once I realized that they conceived me to bring them closer to each other (as couples do), everything clicked. If there is one thing that determines how well parents treat their children, it is their intention of having kids in the first place. Since my parents gave birth to me with the purpose of elevating their relationship, I was expected to mediate conflicts and provide them with emotional support during their divorce. Keep in mind it had only been six years since I slid out of my mom’s punani when I was forced to act like an adult.

The one that has had a strong hold on my adolescence is the immense pressure of living up to what my parents envisioned their legacy to look like, which I'm sure most people who live in an Asian household can relate to. For instance, my mom sees me as an extension of herself and only helps me accomplish goals that she once had. Often, my own desires are minimized, deemed self-regarding and then swept under the rug. Since I don’t live up to my mom’s fantasies of how mini her would behave, she takes pleasure in reminding me of how little I’m worth. But if her goal of having children was to simply love the child unconditionally, I can only imagine her accepting me for who I truly am.

Despite sharing my familial background with people, they give me that puzzled look when I say I don’t want children and immediately ask me why. I usually proceed to give them the short answer “I just don’t want to” but really I have a 700-word explanation ready to be unleashed from the back of my mind.

Hear me out. From my experience and observations, parents typically give birth to babies for the wrong reasons. The reasons are usually that:

1) They desire to build a family - They believe that having children would bring stability and commitment to their relationship, which brings the couple a sense of security.

2) They view children as their legacy - They want to pass on their knowledge, wisdom, skills and wealth to their next generation. How else will they leave a mark in this world when they pass away, right?

3) They want to conform to society - Since everyone around them has children, they think that it is a given that they must have kids too and conceive without a second thought.

But these are not the healthiest of intentions for having children. Why? Because they are all self-serving and none of these reasons alone will motivate parents to raise their children with the utmost care. Since I think that humans are inherently selfish, I don’t think I’ll be an exception to this pandemic. Therefore, I don’t take interest in contributing to a culture that I do not endorse.

And here is where it gets rather controversial. It sounds insane to say that people should care for their children before they are born but that is sort of what I’m alluding to. Obviously, it would be absurd for parents to ask for their children's consent to be born (fun fact: this Indian guy actually sued his parents for doing so last year) but I think parents should get fulfillment from knowing they have the privilege and opportunity to devote to someone unconditionally even prior to knowing who their children will be. That’s what the intention of having kids should be yet many fail to acknowledge that.

I believe that before babies are developed in the womb, they are little angels in this perfect paradise we know as heaven. By giving birth to the babies, you are transporting them to a different dimension aka the problematic place we call Earth. Even if you hold the Guinness World Record for the best parenting skills, how do you prevent your offspring from external circumstances such as car accidents, bullying, unemployment, natural disasters, etc.? Besides, what if your children don't enjoy life? What if they live the cookie cutter life of studying hard, working a 9 to 5 job, getting married and dying old but they feel miserable? Or what if they live the life they want but are marginalized by society? If the purpose of life is to enjoy it but your kids do not find it satisfying, what was the point of delivering them from a perfect dimension to this comparatively chaotic space? Hardships are inevitable but you know what you can prevent? Not creating babies in the first place.

So before you get it on with your partner and manufacture a quarantine baby during the next few months, think again. Think about your true intention. Think about the physical and mental health issues they may have to endure. Think about the environmental destruction that the children have to face. There are just so many things in this world that I don’t wish upon my potential children so I rather love them from afar and I think you should too.

humanity
Estrella Lo
Estrella Lo
Read next: Allie on the Sand
Estrella Lo

Hey, nice to meet you! I'm an 18-year-old writer & entrepreneur who enjoys shedding light upon taboo subjects. Your support goes towards my English enrichment programs and clothing brand. Find me: https://www.instagram.com/estrellaxlo/

See all posts by Estrella Lo