To My Astrology Twin
The we're too awkward to exchange this in person so let's publish it on Vocal, Christmas card
I don't know how old I was when you entered my life. I want to say maybe 5ish. Mom would tell me if I found out you were coming over, I would refuse to do anything until I drew you a picture. That picture was so important that I would go straight into crying and major pout mode if she wouldn't let me do it. The picture my Mom still has is a stick figure galore and across the top in colorful letters is the sentence I love u Ray.
Today I want to tell you that that sentence has never ceased to be true.
We have and always had a rocky relationship. We have had more confrontational moments between us than I have had with any other family member. It was you who taught me to stand my ground and be tough though. It started when you would play fight me and body slam me on the sofa over and over again until I was near tears in laughter. It manifested when I got in trouble about something and I did deserve a butt whooping but I refused to cry. I remember looking at you and you looking back at me and you walked away - you never disciplined me again in that way. It frustrated you but I think you respected me and you saw me as a kid but you saw me as the person I was too.
We're both Pisces. We share the traits well. We're both compassionate, passionate, hard workers, sympathetic, intuitive, ambitious, honest sometimes brutally so, and are 100 percent liable to flip our shit on you if you push us off the edge. Where we differ is that you're controlled to my emotional and you're routine to my chaotic. I believe we represent the duality of our sign well. The story behind Pisces is in Greek mythology. The basis of the story is that Aphrodite and her son Eros were transformed into fish in order to escape Typhon when he decided to rage war on Mount Olympus. They were helped by other fish in the escape and in honor of the Goddess of Beauty and the God of Love being saved the fish who helped save them were hung in the sky with their tails tied together to represent Aphrodite's and Eros' attempt to not lose each other during the escape.
Mom would regularly tell me while growing up 'you and Ray' followed by an exasperated sigh and a sentence about how Pisces people follow her everywhere.
I think our relationship is special. You stepped in as my father without slamming it into my face that you were now my fatherly figure. My grandmother LOVES you. She got great joy out of anything we had to tell her about you. She always said that my Dad sent you to me and Mom, I always thought she was being a touch dramatic but now, I can do nothing but agree with her. I believe wholeheartedly that my Dad tied us together by the tails in order to let you guide me and Mom to safety. You were perfect. You were there, you rescued me countless times, you provided for me behind the scenes more times than I will ever know, and you made it easy for my Mom to parent me because she never had to even think about the basic wants and needs.
This year you got Covid. The first time I saw you after you recovered shook me. You lost so much weight. You looked like you had taken a personal stroll through hell. It wasn't until then that I started taking Covid seriously. It also wasn't until then that I realized you are the rock of my family. I don't know what we would do without you. You're our ever-present giant, never saying more than you mean and meaning what you say.
We jokingly say I love you to each other. There are always kissy faces and an exaggerated hug involved. That's the Pisces in us. We get it. We know the other means it even if there is some doubt followed behind the thought. So I want to clarify and let you know that I don't know what my life would have been without you and it doesn't matter what my life would have been. I am so grateful it was you who came into me and my Mom's life. I am so glad that it is still you in me and my Mom's life. I love you fiercely as any daughter would a father and it fills me with pride when I hear you refer to me as your daughter.
This Christmas, I am happy - and beyond grateful - that you and Mom are better and can share this day with me.
So, Merry Christmas Ray and I wish us many more together.
- Love, P.