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The Sheriff Gave My Ex-Narcissist ‘Permission’ To Abuse Me

It’s impossible to serve my ex-husband with restraining order paperwork. The court, police, and sheriff are doing nothing to protect me.

By Chrissie Marie MasseyPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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The Sheriff Gave My Ex-Narcissist ‘Permission’ To Abuse Me
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I filed an order of protection (restraining) order on January 26 after my ex-husband and his girlfriend wouldn’t leave me alone. They would harass me on Medium, social media, and via text. It wasn’t as simple as blocking them, as they created fake names and free numbers to insult me.

I finally had enough after ten years. I needed peace. No, I deserved peace. I didn’t want to worry about them posting to my business Facebook page. Or, their favorite, turning my kids against me. I just had enough.

Once the judge signed my PFA, I thought life would improve. I thought I would have peace or I could just call the police to tell them to leave me alone. But that’s not what happened.

When Will He Get Served?

Yesterday, ex-husband texted me three times. The first text was the usual — I am an awful person (slut, whore, cunt, ridiculous, etc). The second and third complaining about one of our adult sons.

I wanted to reply. I wanted to tell him not to contact me. I wanted to tell him I have a restraining order and he can’t ever contact me — about anything! But I didn’t. Instead, I called the police.

The police came to my house and took my legal paperwork. They called to make sure the sheriff’s office served him the papers. It was the difference between going to jail and the police doing nothing.

The police officer was on his phone for about 15 minutes. That was the longest 15 minutes of my life. When he hung up, he told me the bad news — my ex was never served papers, so he didn’t break the law.

SHIT!

Remember, it has been almost three weeks. Someone dropped the ball on my case. Someone SHOULD have served him. The cop told me unless he comes to my house, they couldn’t do anything until they served him.

By Salman Hossain Saif on Unsplash

Sheriff’s Office Told Me It’s Complicated

The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was call the sheriff’s office to find out when they would serve his sorry ass those papers. I expected them to say “sometime this week” but that’s not what happened.

Apparently, the address he gave me several months ago was not his. It was his girlfriend’s address. They have to personally hand him the papers, so until that happens, my court order is not valid.

Here I am, with a court order for this man and his troll to stop harassing me, but I can’t get it enforced because the slimy jackass won’t provide his correct address. The only option I have left is to go to court and tell the judge my ex is making it impossible to serve him with the papers. He can deem him served if the judge believes my ex is purposely trying to avoid being served.

Until they serve him, he is free to harass, insult, text, and make my life a living hell. It’s ridiculous. This is the reason many women don’t seek help from the court system to escape abuse.

When married, he abused me the same way — insults, name-calling, and gaslighting. Now, he uses the courts to abuse me. I firmly believe this abuse will never end. All I want is to never have contact with him. I do not care what happens in his life. I just don’t.

By Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

Narcissistic Abuse Is A Living Nightmare

For whatever reason, he believes he can direct his anger at me. If he’s angry at one of our children, he lashes out at me. When he and his woman get into a fight, he texts me how awful I am. It’s so toxic and it needs to stop.

The toll his abuse has on my mental health is astronomical. I am tired of hating myself because of his opinion of me. My self-esteem is getting better, but on a bad day, he can turn me into a crying mess.

The worst part is I know it’s all lies. But a part of me believes maybe he’s right. He’s been saying these awful things to be for 25 years.

So, now I wait. I wait for the sheriff to do their job and track him down. Until them, the paperwork from court is nothing more than a heavy paperweight for my desk.

Narcissistic abuse is not a joke. Divorce doesn’t end it. It just continues until they don’t have any access to you. And in my case, the court is enabling his abuse.

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Originally published on Medium.

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About the Creator

Chrissie Marie Massey

Chrissie has spent the last 20 years writing online for several major news outlets. When not writing, you’ll find her watching a Lifetime movie, wearing her favorite PJs with a frozen soda in hand.

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