THE HITMEN
~ Very-Very Slow Pitch Softball ~
Author © Jay Kantor
THE HITMEN
~ Very-Very Slow Pitch Softball ~
Our team was a mishmash-mix of regular guys from the ‘hood, biz and, of course, the poker-group-boys! Some of the Hitmen are not with us anymore. But, it’s fun to recall such a special time. A simpler, goof-off time! Lucky-Lar, my twin. Terry Brenner, college roommate. We’ve all had 'I knew you when' type chums!
Here are a few Standouts:
Mart – Since our future wives were best friends, we’d go watch him collect wooden-bench-splinters at his Loyola Law School football games.
Lucky-Lar – An extremely opinionated-successful CPA was forever arguing calls; but, a worthy 3rd baseman.
Jay – I wasn’t a very good hitter. It seems it wasn’t diagnosed that I needed glasses until I was almost (40). Anyway, it wasn’t cool to wear horn-rimmed glasses back then at all; nerd alert! I’m certain there was a bit of vanity in all that 'Blind-&-Beautiful-Schtick'. I wasn’t much of a fielder either; I’m ok with that! So, I was relegated to playing 1st base. The least 'vulnerable' position. I guess they could have fired me from my pro-bono fielding position! There were certainly lots of people sitting on the sidelines anxious to become 'Hitmen'!
Terry Brenner – The President of a huge corporation. His Twin Brother, Toby worked in his warehouse – no nepotism there! My true friends! Terry & Toby, relaxed and just happy to be there. No on-field biz talk allowed!
Ray 'Sonny' Nash - Actually played baseball in the Army for (4) years during the Vietnam war. (Seriously!) Didn’t even know they had a baseball team! Wonder what his Billet-Job Category Designation was during the baseball off-season? He had a great ‘tude. While playing 2nd base for the 'Hitmen' he would say to me. “Hey, Jay, if you don’t catch the pop-up, no biggie, you ain’t getting paid for it anyway!”
The photo (above) of the 'Hitman' shirt-jersey was recently willed to me that once hung from Ray’s home trophy wall; encased within the same frame as a proud photo tribute to his pristine lavender ’57 Cadillac-Coupe’ 'Maybelline'.
Most of us just goofed-off; winning-losing not important. Although, Certified-Tally-Upper, Lucky-Lar could probably fill you in on each game; for sure. And, big-brain Mart, could certainly 'schpiel' you on his legal analysis of each and every pitch! But, we had 'breathers' from our every day jobs-responsibilities! A fun-leg-stretch! Better than just a Poke-in-the-Eye.
Each game the Girlfriends-Fiancés cheered excitedly in the bleachers. Once married, not so much; don’t really know why?
Team after Game Nosh:
Winners choice: Closest TAP-beer-bar with a slice of Pizza. Losers can’t be choosers: Bagel/with a schmear at the 'Deli Stop' Deli. Mart had invested in this business. So we would go there after the games; don’t recall him ever giving us food discounts though!
Traditional Award Ceremonies:
Lar was the self appointed Ad-Lib 'Hitman' awards Master of Ceremony. As the M.C. he would pass out the tiny engraved plastic trophies as follows:
Mart – As a stylish-southpaw-swinger emulated after the Yankee slugger Reggie Jackson. He of course denies this. Although his vanity-tags on his car read 'Yanke'! In L.A. the fancy car got 'egged' often; don’t know by whom? His trophy was imprinted “Mr. Annual 500 batting average, most (4) pitch walks given, with the bases loaded!”
Mart still plays in the Sunday Lawyers League. But, I’m supposing the opposing team doesn’t offer him fearful (4) pitch walks anymore!
Dennis McKinney – May have been an original incentive for the 'Newbies in-fielders shift-rule'. Example: A right handed batter that always hits to the right side! Even after Mart, the behind the screen coach, screamed “to spread it around!”
Twins – Terry & Toby Brenner: Both received the best ‘tude awards. No agenda there - Didn’t even know we had THAT award!
Jay – Annual unanimous dual-recipient award:
“MOST Defensive Player” – “MOST Offensive Player”
Lar – “Ump..R/U Blind!” Team unauthorized-arguing award - annually!
Baseball Fond Memory:
When in Little League we were actually 'prized' for extra-base hits; a true incentive! After the game we were given 'Reward-Vouchers' for the following:
Double = (6) Pack of Pepsi bottles. When I rarely earned these I hid them under my bed so Lucky-Lar wouldn’t get at them; I know, sibling rivalry! I could probably make the case that Lucky found the hiding place since a few bottles were always missing!
Triple = Boiled Dodger-Dogs. Mom & Sis-Vicki worked the 'Nosh-Hut'. While sister, Betty, announced the games on the booth loudspeaker; a family affair.
Home Run = A Kiss from the Pre-Pubescent Cheerleader ~ Nah!
Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, Cal
'Senior' Vocal Author
For Our Kids Someday
About the Creator
Jay Kantor
Retired: Write for "The Kids Someday"
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Comments (3)
Jay you should put this in the sports community. (They call it something else.) Fun times...glad you shared your memories. Enjoyed seeing the games in my head...now I want a beer and a hot dog!
Hi D - Thank you, well, for you! Thinking about re-writing this as you’ve mentioned - we all have nostalgic memories with these times - Even U’z BeachBallerBitch Teasers! Whadayathink? 🤠
This one simply glows with nostalgia and the memory of old friendship, plus a heartfelt reaffirmation that true friends remains so through every step of the long journey, and even live on after death. The article is curiously well-suited to a British reader, because we never could quite grasp the actual game of baseball (unlike, say, the Japanese, in whose nation it went gangbusters!) but we love the comradeship, the sense of identity, and the apparent ubiquity of this national game in any American childhood. All of that played incredibly well on these shores - Field of Dreams, Charlie Brown, and of course the Simpsons episode! No doubt there's something about baseball you can love without having to learn the rules of the game...and this article, shall we say, "pitches" it perfectly!