THE HAND DEALT

Author © Jay Kantor

THE HAND DEALT

  — Poker-Tale-TELLS —

We all have kitchen table poker card game stories. The Monday Night Poker Group was no different. We were all about constant 'Table-Talk-Goofs' and not so much about money; mostly about friendly camaraderie.  Although, Twin-Lucky-Lar, recently shared with me (as if I didn’t know this) “I wasn’t always Mr. Money Bags, I would use my Monday night winnings to pay for lunch the next day!” Ironically, some of the guys were rich, and those players seemed to be more conservative in their betting than we poor guys – go figure?

Did you ever know anyone who actually 'Laughed all the way to the Bank'? Jason Graham, our lanky (6’8″) British car-upkeep-guy did! Just into the door he would throw down a wad-of-cash as his 'buy-in' while joking: “I’m playing on your enormous repair bills, so here’s something back!” As a gesture he always lost!

Jason had (3) daughters and he would invite all of us to the huge-venue weddings. In addition to bragging that our pampered British-Babies financed HIS 'Babies' lavish affairs!

Come-On, did you ever own a Persnickety British Car? Wobbly-Wire-Wheels and All! Jason quote: “Jay, just letting you know that I’m going away for the weekend so I won’t be there to rescue you ‘WHEN’ you break down." But, they were beautiful!

Lar was the self-appointed 'table-boss'. In poker adage~lore: He who shouts the loudest, RULES! And, he always was the 'Big-Winner'! He did calculations at the beginning and the end of every evening, asking each player to look in their wallets and count their money. No one really cared–actually it became annoying. But, I suppose, being a stickler for numbers then was the precursor to him becoming the successful CPA that he is today.

Obvious Tells:

One of the players was so anxious that whenever he had a good-hand he would sit/stand in his seat as if he had 'Schpielkies' (ants in the pants). Another would nervously twitch-shake his leg under the table as his 'Tell'. Even my house had a Tell: It seems that the reflections from my huge picture windows, when the drapes were open, would expose the players’ hands on that side of the table – I wondered WHY the 'peekers' always WON!

We once had a neighbor woman join our game, but not for long. Her PLOY was to purposely distract the others with sexy movements. She was a sitcom-actress; nothing shy about her! The players’ wives never allowed her to play in our games again – can’t imagine WHY?

Alan White had his plan-of-attack. He always played what poker lingo calls 'BLIND'. His thinking was that by NOT looking at his cards until the final 'turn-over' he would have a 50-50 chance of winning. That 'formula' never worked out well for him. Alan became a Successful-Financial-Planner (Seriously!)

Table Boundaries:

None of us were big drinkers but openly (nothing covert) passed a joint around the table; no biggie now! But, no eating/drinking on the gorgeous felt table – doobie-ash exempted! One of the boys was made persona-non-grata by breaking a guy-code-rule! He thought it was amusing to announce a ballgame score even when he was told that most of the guys taped the game on our 'klutzy' VCRs to watch the next day. After doing this (2) times, he was never invited back to our group.

Sarcasm:

As the self-anointed Table Boss, Lucky-Lar would announce before each deal, “did everyone ante-up?” while glancing in MY direction! That routine always brought out the sarcasm in me, “So what’s the ante?” As if that 'ante-amount' ever changed over the years!  And, to throw in another irritating (2 cent) tease: When the deal rotated to each player they would always call their same favorite game every time as well. So, I would ask, “So what’s  the game!” I know, just pure noodge!

Nosh:

Each week the 'hosting-house' rotated; different nosh. Terry Brenner made a concoction entre’ of Franco American spaghetti/with tuna (really!) – The group headed to McDonalds at the end of the night! Lucky-Lar put out an incredible spread of corned beef/pastrami and slaws. He would ask for extra refreshment money; but never got it! Mart had assorted salty chips/with spicy dips. Along with every conceivable Italian pastry including sugar-powdered stuffed cannelloni.

I, on the other hand, featured a stack of highly unusual sandwich combinations that were created in my kitchen using whatever mish-mash-mix of ingredients I had in my fridge at the time. Such as: Peanut Butta’~Pickle~Salami/with a huge Slather of Heinz mayonnaise on Rye. When this invention was 1st introduced it was made fun of (not unlike Terry’s spaghetti/with tuna) but it became the 'Tasty-Nosh-Favorite' as evidenced by requests for 'doggie-bags' and by the empty serving trays at the end of each evening!

– Play the HAND that’s Given! –

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, Cal

'Senior' Vocal Author

  For Our Kids Someday