The Abuse Stops Now— How I Refused To Allow My EX To Verbally Abuse Me

My ex-husband and I do not get along. And even that sentence seems like such an understatement of the issues between us. I have tried to make peace and get along, but it never lasts long.

It isn’t long after we make peace that he texts me I am a “demon,” “whore,” or whatever lame-brained insult he can muster up. I had enough. How many times can one be called names and be okay with it?

I decided it was time for boundaries. It’s time for me to insist on keeping on topic and not subjecting myself to insults from the past. That’s what I did, and to my surprise, it worked.

Boundaries Implemented

The last conversation I had with my ex was much more pleasant. It wasn’t because he felt any compassion for me, but because I refused to discuss any past grievances and refused to allow it to become abusive.

We spoke about child support, which I kept friendly. Every time he resorted to name-calling, I redirected him by typing,” I refuse to allow this conversation to be abusive. We will not talk about the past.”

It took a while to get here. For some reason, I felt like I deserved it from him. The last straw was last week when he texted our son (age 24) that he hopes my husband beats me to death. He even made a reference that he’s been praying for it to happen, according to my son.

I asked him about his comment and he admitted he said it, but he didn’t mean it. Apparently, he only said it because he was mad.

Oh, so when he’s mad it’s okay to say you wished our son’s mother was dead?

I have never wished one person dead in my life. I couldn’t believe it. That’s when I decided it was time to put boundaries on this 52-year-old man-child.

At first, he ignored me. But I didn’t respond to his rants about how awful I was to him. Finally, I said, you aren’t respecting my boundaries. I refuse to talk about the past or allow you to verbally abuse me anymore. And the same goes for your wife.

His attitude changed. He still tried to sneak insults in, but it was remarkably better. I finally told him I didn’t want to speak to him anymore. Our daughter is 18, and she has no relationship with him. We have no reason to speak and there is nothing more to say.

Peace Finally

Just standing up for myself in a non-aggressive way brought me peace. I didn’t have to feel upset about what he said. His thoughts and behavior no longer mattered.

It took my power back. It’s funny when I think I had this power for years, yet implementing it terrified me. I didn’t know how to break the cycle of emotional abuse. I am not sure why.

He programmed me to think that I couldn’t make it in life without him. Here I am, making it and improving myself. Where is he? He’s been in the same shitty situation for the past three or four years.

I am proud of myself for having the confidence in myself to stand up and demand respect. I am proud that I implemented boundaries and kept them. I do not need to live in the past. It’s time to move forward and not backward.

No ex or his wife will get me down. The insults stop, and if they contact me, they better make sure they speak with dignity and respect if they want a response.

I am not sure what’s in store for me in the future, but I know it won’t include my ex or his wife. We divorced a long time ago. We aren’t friends. There is no reason to be in contact. So, it’s time to celebrate that I finally took my power back and refused to play in their game.

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Originally published on Medium---Link to the story