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STOry my sad

by Jennifer church 10 months ago in adoption
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Part 1

Children are the greatest blessing from god, living without them in your life everyday , that’s another story

Anticipating The outcome of a very serious situation causes my heart to become heavy. I become vulnerable to negative thoughts which in turn give out negative energies. growing up I remember being taught that the laws of attraction was defined by the false reality that opposite attract and become drawn to each other, but as I grew and developed understanding of the general principles of this so called “law,” I realized with knowledge and wisdom that this is not true. in fact it is not opposite but like energies that attract each other. Now that I possess such an understanding you would think I would use it to my advantage and remain in a positive element which only positive stimulus of all types could find a route into my life. this has been proven true in many areas of my being, however I have not yet Fulfilled my ultimate desires, even as they are set in a positive perspective of myself and my inner and outer worlds.

I have concluded that somewhere in the mist of my understanding, there lives feelings of doubt and uncertainty. whether that be doubt of myself and my capabilities, or doubt of those I surround myself with, or worse doubt of the power of the Almighty Lord in whom I take refuge in, it continues to have a negative impact on my journey through time, this time. Whatever the reason our placement may be, all I know is it is responsible for the delay in advancement in which I cannot afford to offer because it has become too precious to just watch pass by. I know the past cannot be changed so I try hard to not dwell within prior decisions and outcomes of decisions that have came and went already. If I keep gathering regret than it soon begins to weigh my soul down, allowing the imprisonment of me as a spiritual being to be held Captive within the prison of my own mind.

There are massive sorrows That have come with the separation of my family and have caused many problems, but it is the feelings of guilt for being Unable to partake in my daughters upbringing that truly saddens me. Some issues are then blown up because I feel helpless and I need to remember that they are not so big, remarkably they are so much less than they appear to be, for these issues are so petty that they could have at one time passed for non existent. One of My biggest fears however ,would be, through the actual law of attraction, entrapping those nearest and dearest to me to stand with me in time of the nothingness I’ve created and accepted as my reality.

As selfish as this may seem, I continue to reside in this element and my depression worsens with each passing day, while I am reminded of the time that continues to be stolen from me and in which can not be made up for. So forgive me for longing for the retreat of the loneliness i have recently become acquainted with. I guess that’s why they say misery loves company. I wrote a poem about this 2 years ago, when it’s presents was at a peak in my life, that describes this sadness, as follows,

Why is it that I dwell in uncertainty?,

and all that keeps going depends

upon me

physical strength has nearly faded

And amongst all I have debated

while seeking understanding from

them

myself as well,

as to why I continue to reside in a

self made hell

Confusion grows roots deeper

Cracking walls within my soul

while the barriers get thicker around

an empty hole

and I know not

for Which i am to align,

and therefore destruction is

A new acquaintance of mine

If I had to define the term testimony I guess I will call a collection of personal significant experience in which resulted in spiritual growth, well moving forward unto the higher perception of self identity that is aligned with the will that the Lord has for my life. testimony, however can also be a powerful tool in which is to be used to Save lives and inspire others to continue to strive forward to the happiness that awaits all who believe. This also allows them to become aware of the works of faith and hope, that exists everywhere, in everything, and everyone that also exists.

adoption

About the author

Jennifer church

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