Panic During the Pandemic
Sharing some of my family adversities during this pandemic
COVID-19 presented problems after problems, and I know I am not the only one to go through this. From forcing me to face my family for the first time in years to forcing me to face myself for the first time in years, it was a shit show about to go down.
I have always been the type to stay on my college campus as long as I could, even if it means until 3-4AM. I do it to not go home. I don’t want to see my family. I know how much they used to trigger my mental breakdowns, ones where I can’t recover for months or even years. When covid-19 escalated into a pandemic, I was forced to face a reality that could further break my mental health down.
It really happened.
The moment covid-19 shut down New York State, my father inevitably got furloughed. From the get go, my father went ballistic. He was complaining about how people were in a panic and sweeping the shelves of food, toilet paper, and paper towels. Yet he, his eternal hypocritical self, went ahead to join the chaos too. Then he kept saying that none of us can get sick because all of us are immunocompromised, yet he is the one going outside every single day. Sometimes 5 times a day. Then he complains about everyone not wearing a mask, gloves, and other necessary precautions. Yet he is the one not doing any of that.
It seems like nothing to just read the above paragraph once. Now think about having a hypocritical father for 24 years. He is an insanely judgemental man, yet he is behaving like the person he is judging. Not just that, when I try to argue back so that he can stop complaining, he will give me one of three reactions that triggers me: (1) Can you stop arguing with me all the time? (2) He continues his rant. (3) “You are never on my side. You are always on everyone else’s side.”
Why do these trigger me?
- My father is the type of person who thinks he is always right. He doesn’t care for other people’s opinions, so why does he bother to even “chat” with me and anyone else. He isn’t going to listen anyways. Multiple times, he has made me look like the person who thinks she’s always right just because I don’t agree with his views.
- He is never the type to respect people and boundaries. I could be in my own world doing my own thing, and he will still walk up to me and unload everything he is thinking of. It is never something good.
- He thinks that not only is he always right, people around him shouldn’t hold their own opinions.
Why don’t I just ignore it? If someone can get him out of my room during my alone time, then I will ignore him. Otherwise, what do I do? Asking him to kindly stop talking isn’t going to help; he will just holler back.
The situation didn’t get better when presidential elections happened during the pandemic as well. He was in panic, not for any particularly good reason. He knows nothing about politics. He only knows what he reads from newspapers, and we all know that newspapers typically present a one-sided view. He went on and on about how x person did this thus jeopardizing a certain group of people or y person did that jeopardizing America. When I question what he says, he has nothing to say back.
This pandemic is so not easy. It can make paranoid people even more paranoid. It can make anxious people even more anxious. It can be harmful if people don’t know the strategies in managing themselves.
The good thing is that therapy is generally free and via telecalls. That is perfect. Expensive therapy for free and over the phone - that is the best that the pandemic can offer. Solve those problems now!