Mr Darcy And The Gagglebabble
Two Christmassy Parodies - inspired by a Christmas carol and a children's classic picture book.
The Twelve Stresses Of Christmas (A 'Twelve Days Of Christmas Parody)
Oh the first stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
A massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy (#dontyouforgetaboutme)
Oh the second stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Two snot machines (#huuuurggehh)
and a massive twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the third stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Three fudging baubles (#handmadeandlosingthewilltolive)
Two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the fourth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Four tonnes of glitter (#itsbeginningtolookalotlikechristmas)
Three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the fifth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF LINDT! (#notforsharing)
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the sixth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Six lines to learn (#dudenevermindthedonkeyImjoseph)
FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF LINDT!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the seventh stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Seven Christmas markets (#expensive)
Six lines to learn,
FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF LINDT!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two tween snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the eighth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Eight thousand calories, (#dailygluttony)
Seven Christmas markets, six lines to learn,
FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF LINDT!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
Oh the ninth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Nine rolls of wrapping (#herecomesthegangstawrappa)
Eight thousand calories, seven Christmas markets, six lines to learn,
FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF LINDT!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and my festive spirit fraying…
Oh the tenth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Ten cards against humanity (#FML)
Nine rolls of wrapping, eight thousand calories, seven Christmas markets, six lines to learn,
WHO SCOFFED MY LINDT?!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and I think I’m going loopy…
Oh the eleventh stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Eleven Prosecco Bellinis (#tipsyalltheway)
Ten cards against humanity, nine rolls of wrapping, eight thousand calories, seven Christmas markets, six lines to learn,
CALL THE LBI! (Lindt Bureau of Investigation)
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and I know I’m going loopy…
Oh the twelfth stress of Christmas, gifted to me:
Twelve hangovers thumping (#blametheprosecco)
Eleven Prosecco Bellinis, ten cards against humanity, nine rolls of wrapping, eight thousand calories, seven Christmas markets, six lines to learn,
FEED ME MORE LINDT!
Four tonnes of glitter, three fudging baubles, two snot machines, and a massive, twixing bear called Mr. Darcy.
We're Going To The Christmas House (A 'We're Going On A Bear Hunt' Parody)
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Wonderland! Cats, hats and Alice in Wonderland. We can't not eat. We can't not drink. Off with their heads! We've got to go and gorge on it!
Slurpy sloshy! Slurpy and sloshy! Slurpy and sloshy!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Lies! ‘Would I Lie to You?’ lies. We can't help but smile. We can't quite believe it. Um… Er… We've got to go and bluff it!
Giggle gasp! Giggle gasp! Giggle gasp!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Potions. Alcoholic Potter Potions. We can’t really mix it. We can’t really stomach it. Langlock! We’ve got to knock it back!
Shake n slur! Shake n slur! Shake n slur!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Wonderman! Macabre humorous Wonderman. We can't leave now. We can't chicken out. Uh-uh! We've got to try and censor it!
Gagglebabble! Gagglebabble! Gagglebabble!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Dinner! A Scrumdiddlyumptious Christmas Dinner. We can't say no to turkey. We can't ignore the trimmings. Bon appétit! We've got to go and eat it!
Grumble growl! Grumble growl! Grumble growl!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Fire! A festival barbeque fire. We can't not dance. We can't not sing. Hey! Ho! Let's Go! We’ve got to honour the George Michael and Rick Parfitt thing.
Boogie bop! Boogie bop! Boogie bop!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Cubs! Ging gang goolie cubs. We can’t knot it. We can’t pop it. PACK! PACK! PACK! We’ve got to build it!
Hustle grab! Hustle grab! Hustle grab!
We're going to the Christmas House. We're going to have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad here.
HOLY TWIX! Chocolate. Decadent calorific Chocolate. We can't just ignore it. We can't just taste it. Oh my chocolaty stars! We've got to indulge in it!
Lickswishy! Lickswishy! Lickswishy!
We've got to leave the Christmas House. We've have a good one. PARTYING AND PROSECCO! We're all mad there.
HOLY TWIX! Mud! Welsh Barbara mud. We can't drive through it. We can’t go around it. OH NO! We've got to get a tractor tow!
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!
We're been to the Christmas House. Partied and Prosecco-d! We're all mad there.
HOLY TWIX! WHAT’S THAT?!
Seventeen bulging bellies… Thirty-four bloodshot eyes… Five snotty noses…
IT’S THE GRISWOLDS!
WARNING:
No more mud! Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!
No more chocolate! Lickswishy! Lickswishy! Lickswishy!
No more cubs! Hustle grab! Hustle grab! Hustle grab!
No more fire! Boogie bop! Boogie bop! Boogie bop!
No more Christmas dinner! Grumble growl! Grumble growl! Grumble growl!
No more Wonderman! Gagglebabble! Gagglebabble! Gagglebabble!
No more potions! Shake n slur! Shake n slur! Shake n slur!
No more lies! Giggle gasp! Giggle gasp! Giggle gasp!
No more Wonderland! Slurpy sloshy! Slurpy and sloshy! Slurpy and sloshy!
Get to the Santa flag. Turn left. Drive South...
Glittering festive baubles!
We forgot the Santa flag! Drive North. Drive South. Pile the dirty washing. Stand on the scales. Collapse into bed...
We're not going to the Christmas House again...
…Said no Griswold ever!
About the Creator
Michelle Hunter
This is me - a self confessed chocoholic into all things creative.
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