Mother Of Love & Diversity

She always had a smell of spring dewy air and flowers on her, with a greeting kiss I could feel her cool cheek on my little face and I held on to that aroma for the rest of my life.

I was hard work as a child, always changing the rules, breaking them and challenging everything around me including school. I wasn't bad behaved or malicious, I just had my own take on pretty much everything around me and went out of my way to show it. I never fit in anywhere and did not want to, conformity was an evil in which I just could not allow myself to be entrapped into. I craved for freedom to go and explore with my hands and found interest in everything around me all except school! By the age of 7 I had used hammers, nails, wood, re decorated my bedroom, made my own clothes, made rugs, did my own laundry by hand, also grew, chopped and cooked vegetables and much more... I never sat still for a second and so forced to stay in a classroom within walls of children frowning and whispering about me to each other, I had to escape the suffocation and would just get up and leave. This started around nursery age and carried on for the rest of my school years.

My mother was devastated at first and she tried many ways to understand me and help make the situation better by speaking with the school, talking to me about how I felt, but most all, her patience and understanding. She never judged me or told me I was bad or wrong. At such a young age, I did not understand why I was the way I was and I think she knew this.

As the years passed it became even harder for me to fit in with school. From the age of 5 up until 12 I had not had a full week in of schooling. I shaved my hair off, pierced my nose and ears and rebelled. I wore a denim jacket to school and had stripes on my socks, both were not permitted. I had the ability of an "A" student but I just wasn't there enough to use it.

I am a can of stripy paint washed up on a beach,

A soul so deep you can never ever reach,

An official odd sock , there was never a pair,

The 27th letter that simply isn't there.

This is just a summary of a few time stamps from my youth and to tell the full story would need it's own shelf. However, needless to say I sure as hell made work for my Mother!

She was the truest soul I was so lucky to have in my life, through her patience, unconditional love and understanding. She never once blamed me for being "different" instead she would hug me and tell me it's going to be ok, and that one day I would find my place in this world. She never judged anyone or anything herself. She never had a wrong word to say about anyone and cared deeply for others always.

My Mother taught me the power of diversity to never judge others and accept the unique difference in all of us. By nature she was a peace maker, always calming the storms with her voice of reason. She had an amazing strength of love even when she was suffering herself.

I lost her in 2008, my whole world fell inside out. She left a massive void in my heart, she was my Mam, my rock, my mentor but most of all, my friend. She was the only person who truly knew me. This "Alone" feeling losing her is far deeper than just feeling lonely. She was my tether to safety when I felt lost or unsure, there is not a single day goes by that I don't think about her and I miss her deeply. Her ability to stay true to herself in this world filled with sorrow, bitterness, anger and depression, ...she laughed, cared, considered and most of all, loved.