MOM

Dear Mom,

I do not know if you want this to be public for all to see and for it to be judged for a writing competition, but I want to share with the world how much you mean to me! You mean more to me than I show, and I am sorry for not showing sooner how much I love you.

You are not just my mom, you are my best friend and always will be. I love how we can talk about anything and everything no matter what it is. We are open with each other and have a relationship many would be jealous of. I know how a lot of girls my age will say that their mom is their best friend, but I think we take it to a level they can not.

We have been through so much together. As a child, I was a nightmare. I cried every second of every day. I hated school so much that I had panic attacks. You would carry me inside kicking and screaming. I did not speak until second grade with in school, but you had to put up with my non stop talking at home. I had to get it out somewhere and I was too scared to do that at school. You talked to teacher's on my behalf when they were too hard on me. You went to every school trip that they had so I could go. You knew I would be too afraid to go on my own. You let my friends come over and stay the night and took care of them because you knew how much I wanted a friend my age. You cared for me when I was sick and nursed me back to health with a tinder touch and a soft voice.

When I had panic attacks every morning, you were there to help me. You put up with it for years. I can't imagine what that would be like and I am so sorry that I put you through that. I wish it could have been different, but I couldn't help it at the time. I hated school and it terrified me. You were there and understood exactly how I felt and eased me into the idea of it being okay. You were always right! There was never anything to fear, but I did anyway. I did it again and again every single day and you handled it in the best way you could. I am amazed at how much you endured. You helped me in my darkest times and showed me that even though the world is scary, your love is true and I can get through everything that comes my way.

You showed me how to work! That I am very thankful for. It amazes me how many guys and girls my age don't know how to actually work. They don't know how to check the oil in their car or how to change a tire. They don't know the proper way to lift something heavy or how to sweat in order to have a salary. You showed me the right way to go about an interview and that has led me to getting the jobs I wanted the most. You helped me gain experience that many do not have. I have experience in the workforce that helps me get jobs that are not just entry level. You are the one that made this happen! It all started with you, Momma. Thank you so very much!

You have been through similar pains as I have and you were not afraid to share them with me. I understand how hard it is to talk about what you have gone through in your past. When I think back to everything I have gone through I am happy it is over, but it hurts to think about it. It hurts to remember what I had to endure at such a young age to get to where I am today. When you share what you have gone through, I don't think I have ever told you how much that means to me. Most mom's wouldn't want to share that with their child. It is in the past. Why bring it up? For me it helps me to understand that I am not alone in my pain and you know better than anyone what it's like to go through everything I have. It gives me hope that everything will get better and the strength I had to get through it all wasn't in vain. It showed me that I can talk to you and that's what I needed the most. I needed to talk about it all and you are always there to listen to me. Thank you!

When I moved to NYC, you supported me no matter what. You knew it was a long shot and that it probably wouldn't work out, but you had faith! You trusted and helped me along the way. You looked at all the reasons why it would not work out, but believed me when I said I knew it would with no logical proof. In the end it all did, but the time it took, the fears it created, the fights it caused were hard to endure. I know they must have been so much harder for you. If it did work out like I said it would, you would be happy for me, but you would lose me again. For me, I was moving somewhere I had always dreamed of and could talk to you each and every day like we normally would. For you though, it was a lot different. Your life stayed the same except your only daughter was no longer just right down the road. You couldn't see me when you wanted to and I can not imagine how much that must have hurt and I am so sorry for putting you through that. I love you, Momma and I don't want to see you upset. You are my world. My almost everything. I love you so very much! I have missed you like crazy and I really suck at showing it. I feel it and am good at writing it, but showing it is a different story. I have no idea why it is so hard for me.

I wanted so badly to see you on Mother's Day, but we both know why I couldn't get there in time. I had to pack up my apartment that day so I could fly home the next and get my Covid-Shot. Covid really messed up this year. If I didn't have to have a vaccine I could have saw you on Mother's Day. So we must blame the Covid! I am so lucky to have you as a Mom and I want the world to know! I want everyone to know that you are a part of my inspiration. You help me move forward when I don't want to. You help me understand what is right and wrong when the world confuses me. You clear that confusion or help confuse me more by trying to figure it out yourself. You try harder than I do, because you want me to understand. You always put my needs above your own. That's why you are the world's greatest mom and my best friend forever and always. I am so glad that you were able to pick me up at the airport the day after Mother's Day. Even though we could not spend Mother's Day together, we at least got to celebrate in our own way.

Mom, I thank you for everything you have done for me and all the lessons you have taught me. You are beautiful inside and out. Don't ever forget that. All someone has to do is look at your heart and they will know that you are one of the most beautiful people in this world. You care more than most and your kindness is breath taking. Even when someone does something wrong or upsets you, you forgive them faster than I would ever be able to. You let things go that I could never let go. You look at a person and see the good even after all the ways you have been hurt. You have had time to be able to do that and I hope one day I will be as strong and forgiving as you.