I love you and miss you more than you will ever know, even more than I can stand to show. It's almost been 8 years since you left, I remember finding out I didn't know what to say or do. I kept thinking back to the last time I saw you. It was 2 years before you died I was 10 at the time and we got to spend the weekend together. When we had to leave you cried, and told us that you felt like it was going to be the last time you would ever see us. I hadn't ever seen you cry before.
I remember how happy you would get when we would come visit you, and how you would always be joking trying to make everyone else laugh. You would tell us how much you loved us and missed us, but I was never mad when you would leave. I missed you dearly but I knew you would always come back to see us, I still have dreams of getting to see you again, and hearing you tell us some of your lame jokes, or making our food that always sounded gross.
I never thought I would grow up without you there to taunt me when I had my first boyfriend or miss my graduation. I don't remember what you sounded like anymore and today I lost all of your pictures. I don't know how to deal with it anymore, it seems like I've lost everything that had to do with you. It just hit me that you won't be there when I get married or have kids, it's still hard for me to understand that my kids won't know you, I'll never get to hear them talk about something funny that grandpa did or hear them talk about what you taught them.
Did you know that I finished school? Did you know that when I lost you I lost me as well, that I changed so much that I don't know who I am anymore? Did you know that your side of the family finds it hard to be around any of us because we look and act like you? Did you know that I have 4 great friends that have helped me through this the best they can, that they remind me of you and I can talk about you with them without them judging me for all the weird things I say? I wish you could see how grown up Kellie is now and that you could meet Hallie, Kristen, and Jason. You would love them. They would keep you laughing for hours just by telling stories about the things that have happened since I met them. Hallie is the mom of the group. She's the one that makes sure everyone is okay, she's the one we always go to if we're having a bad day or just need someone to talk to. Kristen, on the other hand, likes to act like the tough one like nothing can faze her, but you would love how she is with animals and her taste in music. Then there is Jason; I swear he has more poop stories than you did, he does tattoos and I know you would love that.
People say that when someone dies they aren't really gone, that they're still watching over you, and I hope that's true. I hope you know how much I love and miss you. I hope that in one way or another I've made you proud. That if you were still here you would be proud to say that I was your daughter.
I love you...