Life Lessons from Dealing with a Toxic Sibling

About six years ago, my maternal half sister and I severed ties with each other through Facebook. She deleted me from her friends list after I ignored two of her messages. One of the last things she said to me was something along the lines of how she wasn't going to chase me. She also said that I thought I had life figured out and that she hoped I find what I was looking for. Another piece of incriminating evidence was how she kept asking what did she do wrong for me to ignore her the way I did. She knew our relationship had been strained for years. It only got worse when our mother became mentally unstable. The truth is our relationship hadn't been good for years. It began to fall apart after our mother left my father.

As an adult, I realized my home life with my mother and sister was nothing but a lie. As mentioned in some of my other articles, my mother was mentally unstable. She couldn't keep a job for one reason or another. She even bragged about how she didn't work at a company for no longer than a year. She always said it was somehow "symbolic" of her existence on earth being "temporary." I bring this up again because our mother is the main reason why my sister is the way she is today. Our mother taught us through her often cruel and aggressive behavior that it was okay to treat others like trash. Even if they're a family member. Like our mother, my sister embraced evil using and abusing me in so many different ways. Not to mention taking advantage of others even if they're too ashamed to admit it. When we were children, she molested me between the age of 5 and 11½. Looking back, the first time it happened may have been shortly before my 5th birthday.

To this day, I wonder what would possess her to take advantage of me. Maybe she felt like I was getting too much attention. Or someone else may have touched her first. It could've been an adult or an older child even a teenager. As young as four years old, my sister was taking on a mother role in regards to me. Something she shouldn't have done considering her age. My biggest fear is if one or both of theories as to why she took advantage of me are true. If so, she has a sick mind. I was diagnosed with high functioning Autism and ADHD around the age of four. When the abuse first happened, I wasn't quite sure about right and wrong. Due to my disability, I don't think I would've understood good touch, bad touch even if someone explained it to me. I often wondered if our mother's husband started touching her before he started grooming me. Like my stepfather, whenever the sex abuse started I don't remember her telling me not to tell anyone. They both assumed I would keep quiet.

The reason why I didn't tell anyone about what my sister did for a number of years because I thought she was sorry. I really hoped she would change as an adult. Now, I realized she just got worse. Yeah, my sister did some good things for me when I younger. But, I realized overall our relationship was toxic. My sister has always been obsessed with money and wealth. She used to steal from both me and our mother from the age of 6 to 19. With our mother, the last time she stole from her purse was when she worked for a mortgage company. With me, she often stole my allowance money and this most likely went on from elementary to high school. It would explain why I would often "lose" any money my dad would give me. Like our judgmental yet mentally unstable mother, she and some of our other maternal relatives would often criticize my appearance. If that wasn't bad enough, she was often critical of me for not being a full time college student and having a steady job. She knew how hard it was me to find work. Part of the reason why I never finished my medical billing and coding course has to do with how no one really believed in me especially not her.

The final straws for me was between 2013 and 2015. By early 2013, I had ran out of most of my settlement money, which was used to pay my pesky internet bill. In early March 2013, I told her I was earning a little money through transcription work for a company called Scribie. I told her about the payment system for this company and it was just extra money. Then, she went on a tirade about what I was doing wasn't worth it. She said I should be attending college full time and have a steady job on top of that. She then cried crocodile tears during the phone call and was allegedly "upset" about how I don't talk to her like I used to. I couldn't talk to her because she never really listened to me. She ignored me just like anyone else who was never in my corner. Six months later when I decided to spend the night with her, she yelled at me because she thought I wasn't taking care of myself. Needless to say, I was in tears and she cried crocodile tears to make pretend she cared about me. My only regret was not going home early that day. I never spent the night with her again. By late July 2014, I realized I could no longer keep dealing with her. After telling her the problems I was having with my paternal aunt and grandmother, which I should've handled like an adult, I realized how she really felt about me. When she said in her own subtle way that I'd have no one to turn to if anything happens to my father, I knew right then and there she only thought of herself. The way she felt about me is the way some of my other maternal relatives feel too.

Honestly, I never really felt like I belonged in my mother's family. My narcissistic sister not only used me but some of my mother's paternal cousins to get what she wanted out of life. Part of the reason why I'm not close to them now. They don't really know me, but seemed to believe every lie my sister said about me. I've learned a lot of things after my relationship with my maternal half sister ended. One of them is how narcissistic people in general will talk bad about you to others. Like a true narcissist, my sister pretended to care about me and would try to contact me. Yet, she was constantly stabbing me in the back. After I confessed to being sexually abused by my maternal half sister, she lied to others who knew including my own father and said I was "jealous of her success." Narcissists in general know how to lie and be sociable to other people. That's exactly how my sister operated. In reality, she's a user, an abuser and maybe even a sociopath. Not only has she caused pain to me through her abuse and insults, she also disrespected other relatives as well. She has no regard for anyone including our own grandmother. In the end and with the help of therapy, I realized I am still worthy. I am not every negative thing some people think about me. I can still achieve great things despite what I went through. Most of all, I know that my past doesn't define me and it never will. I'm not a vindictive or vengeful person. I'm moving on from the past. I don't want revenge at this point. I just want to move on and move away from Baltimore. I can get over what my sister has done, but I know I don't love her anymore. Some relatives may have a problem with my stance and think it's wrong. But, that's just how I feel. It's neither right nor wrong.