I am a happy, semi-successful mother of twin boys. Every day is a struggle to balance total meltdowns with tent forts. They are my biggest joy and my biggest pain.
Have you ever felt unloved in your life? Unloved and alone?
Let me start by asking you a simple, straightforward question:
Loss is hard. Loss of a child is even harder. That death, whether it be miscarriage, stillbirth, or even death after the child is born, can tear you to pieces. I know. I’ve been there.
I have been a caregiver to my grandmother for almost eight years. Back in my late teen years, I saw the signs, I giggled at the silly things she did, I blew off her strange behavior and mood swings. But I never imagined that I would spend my 20s tethered to the family home, missing out on some of the most important experiences of my life for almost eight years straight.
My name is Courtney, and I am 19 years old. My mom’s name is Betty, and she is 42 years old. She will be 43 years old this month. She has three kids, and raised us all as a single mom. She did it all by herself. My mom has done everything for me. She has been a single mom for years. She struggled for everything she gave us. She did not have everything, and she knew that. She did not care. My mom went through hell or high water to get anything we needed, anything we wanted.
My daddy isn't and never was the real sappy type. We didn't have the typical relationship, and rarely said I love you. We were more likely to be fighting and telling each other to go to hell, or laughing and drinking tequila. We didn't need all that hugging, lovey stuff. We just knew we loved one another and that was, and still is, enough.
So... I never imagined I’d be a single parent, let alone a single parent to two toddlers under four but here we are. And as a momma who has to deal with bosses, bills, and babies, let me just tell you that whether you’re a single momma or daddy, there are days when it’s tough, and it’s ok for us to admit that.