I Don't Know How to Disciple this Child!
The magic to raising happy children is to love them
Yes, she is adorable. I must remember she is only two, and I am the adult. I know consistency is the answer, but this child has stealth powers of Houdini.
A reader who doesn't carefully examine this picture may not notice what is happening. Upon closer scrutiny, the fact that she is wearing the overalls backwards might provoke a giggle and then a question. Why? My granddaughter, Timberley, will not keep her clothes on. She loves to strip down and run around naked. At home this might be considered cute. At daycare, it is not acceptable.
So, the other day she came home with her clothes on backwards. I love imaginative discipline. A two-year-old doesn't understand the concept of modesty. The idea of logic remains foreign. She simply knows clothes are restrictive, it is warm outside, and a naked body feels free and comfy. Instead of creating a negative situation, the daycare worker decided to have backwards day, turning the conflict into a fun activity. In the process having the clips in the back made it impossible to remove her clothing.
The best parents, teachers, and caretakers are those who do not take life too seriously. They don't see problems; they acknowledge challenges that need solutions. Timberley is stubborn - like most two-year-olds. Forcing her to behave increases her resistance and can lead to tears and tantrums, something I hate because it makes my mascara run.
Sometimes the best ideas don't work. After asking Tim to not stand on the stool, her mom turned it upside down and congratulated herself for controlling of the situation without a fight. Within a few moments, she snapped the photo above, then completely removed the stool from the room.
Parents quickly learn that children need to be kept busy. So, before Timmy's mom began an important phone conversation, she sat the child on the floor with a cup of pudding. It only took seconds for this to happen. At least she had enough forethought to remove the shirt prior to eating.
When the preschool teacher gave the children shaving cream for a tactile activity, Timberley must have loved the feel of it so much that she wanted a more fulfilling experience. The teacher sent this picture to her mother.
Mom later discovered an alternative activity to entertain her rambunctious child.
With quiet rebellion a child can tune out the demands of an adult. They can simply ignore a directive as if the adult doesn't exist. When ignored, it is difficult to make a point or change behaviors. This child is the first in my family to out-stubborn me. She sat at the table refusing to eat the food on her plate. It was the only time she has ever sat still for an extended period, but she had something to prove.
When my daughter was little, a similar attitude made us develop creative discipline. We tried timeout but that created an opportunity to play with her imaginary friend. Spankings with diapers or padded panties tickle and inflicting pain is never the goal. Toddlers have a limited sense of time and attention spans, so restrictions proved ineffective. Experts recommend the length of timeouts equal the age of the child. A two-minute timeout postpones unwanted behavior.
I am not a child psychologist or a behavior specialist. I am a parent and a grandparent who learned that nobody wins a fight. Offering choices teaches compromise, a valuable characteristic for all stages of life. Choices allow kids alternatives. This strategy can be powerful if . . .
1. One of the choices is less desirable than the other.
Example: You may eat your meal now or not eat anything the rest of the night, or until the next meal. As long as the adult is consistent, the child only controls when they eat and the adult controls what is eaten.
2. One of the choices resolves the conflict.
Example: You can choose to keep your close on or wear them backwards.
3. Both choices are appealing to the adult while empowering the child.
Example: You can take a nap or spend quiet time in your bedroom. One of two things usually happen, the child falls asleep during quiet time, or the child plays and mom get a needed break.
During moments when providing alternatives is not available or desirable, the best choice is to offer love, laugh, give them a hug, and clean them up.
About the Creator
Brenda Mahler
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