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First Heartbreak.

by LaKeisha K Loving 8 days ago in humanity

Your first heartbreak isn't always a romantic partner. It can be something more and bigger!

Do you have a absent mother or father?

When we talk about heartbreak we tend to only think about the romantic or friendship ones. Well let’s talk about a heartbreak that a lot of us can relate to. One that has broken a lot of our hearts into pieces. One that involves a person that’s supposed to be our first love on this planet. The one that helped bring us into this world. Do you know who I’m talking about? If you were thinking to say God, nope! It’s definitely not him! He’s the only one we know for sure that would not do such a thing! I think a lot of us can agree. Did you guess it yet? Yes, you got it right, a Mother or a Father. I know this can be a touchy subject for some. It definitely is for me. So, It’s okay! You are not alone. I’m right here with you. First heartbreak. Man, ain’t It crazy that someone who’s supposed to love, care, respect, support, and more act like they don’t give a shit about you at all! If you ask me, It’s really not an “act”. They prove It by their actions that they don’t give a fuck whatsoever. I know that exact feeling. Feeling like you are not good enough to care, love, or to respect! It’s a real shitty feeling! Not having a parent in your life can be difficult most times. Sometimes not having a parent in your life can mold you into the person you are today. Meaning you can bring your trust issues, abandonment issues, codependency issues, lack of love, and many more issues into other relations. You can really have issues of your own just by not having someone who’s supposed to be an important factor in your life there. I'm gonna be vulnerable for a little bit and share my background involving my father who’s not in my life. Honestly he doesn’t deserve to be called a “Father”. He’s really my sperm donor. That may be harsh for him to hear, but I can tell you what is harsh? For what he put not only myself but my siblings as well through! Shit, I have a lot to say about him! I’m not even going to expose him like that… but you know what, fuck that shit! My “harsh” and his “harsh” are completely different. There's no comparison! So you want to know what’s fucking harsh? Harsh is when you pick drugs over your own children! You know what else is harsh, is when you see that person being there for another woman and their children more than they've ever been for YOU! I got another one. What’s harsh is when that person acts like they’re not doing anything wrong to you and when they do feel like showing up for you that one time they act like shit is all peaches and creams! Oh, here’s another one! What’s fucking harsh is when that person manipulates you into thinking they will do their absolute best, be there for you more, spend time with you more, love you more, respect you more and they don’t fucking come through at all! Says all this shit just to end up lying to you. That’s fucking harsh! You know what makes me more upset is when the person is playing as if they are the motherfuckin’ victim! Sir, I didn’t do shit to you but fucking breathe. I didn’t do shit to you but ask you to be and to do better for you and your children. I shouldn’t even have to ask my so-called “parent” not even once for that shit. It should be mandatory! It just baffles me how you know you have children out there and it doesn’t cross your mind that they need you. Yeah, well guess what? I don’t need him and I never did! He showed me that all along. I made it this far without him already! Now yes, I may have issues as an adult now, and yes he has played a huge part in that. I also know though I have to be grown up enough to know that now that I am an adult I have the tools and the power to fix all that shit about myself! I want you guys to understand that. Yes, you may have issues due to someone putting that in you...but baby you are powerful and conquer any fucking thing! Don’t blame anyone for that even if they 100 percent deserve it. I tell you, it can be complicated sometimes. It’s like you want to blame that person and be the victim… but let me tell you something, you are not a victim. We may feel like we’re, we may be seen that way to others who haven't gone through it, but we’re not! We’re so much more than that! We’re strong, brave, amazing, and many more great things. We could’ve followed in their footsteps but we know what’s wrong so we choose to do better. Despite our issues we have with ourselves, we learned to do one thing. For some of us, that’s not to abandon what you created. If you were given a blessing, an opportunity to be a parent that's one thing you absolutely do not do. I don’t care about the situation! If you are not doing good, simply do better for that child. That's the only way! You know what’s crazy though? Sometimes we don’t understand that, if we made it without them we can keep making it without them. Do you hear me people? You are doing just fine without them! They are the ones missing out. It’s their loss. Not yours! So don’t you dare beat yourself up about them choosing many things over you. You are a miracle and something worth keeping and fighting for and if they can’t see that… then fuck them respectfully & at that, they don’t fucking deserve you. I don’t care what anyone says. People may say “that’s still your mom” or that’s still your dad” you still need to respect them! TO HELL WITH THEM! Why respect them if they never respected you in the first place? They were not respecting you by not being present! Another thing, having a deadbeat mother or father really feels like you are dead. Seriously, put it like this...how is it that a person can lose their child(s) and they’re not even dead? You go on about your life like they’re no longer here on this earth? It’s pretty fucking sad and pathetic...and they for real come around for that one time and TRY to make it better but fail miserably. Just another one of their games of manipulation! It’s like you want to feel bad for them but how can you feel bad for someone that chose this? How can you feel bad for someone who did this to themselves? Fuck, how can you feel bad for someone who knew what the fuck they were doing all along? How? Exactly, because you can’t! Their the ones who made their beds, now they have to fucking lay in it! Simple! I know it can be hard, but don’t let how your “mom” or “dad” made you feel determine your worth or character. If anything, let them inspire you to not be like them. Do better for yourself and children and if you don't have any, than your future children! Be the better version of your “parent” so you can inspire your children one day to be the best they can be for their future children. At the end of the day we can’t erase DNA or where, who, and what we came from...but we can sure as hell erase the unwanted patterns. So Thank you DAD for showing me what not to be like with my child, at least I can say that’s one thing you inspire me with! All the other great things about me, I learned from my mother that actually plays both roles. So shout out to my mother for also inspiring me in a good way. You a real one and I’ll give you the world one day because you deserve it! I hope you all get through these tough times though and RISE THE FUCK UP! You are loved and you are definitely enough.

LaKeisha K Loving
LaKeisha K Loving
Read next: Understanding the Effects of Addiction on the Family
LaKeisha K Loving

If you love short personal stories, poems, and the talks about self love, care, appreciation, and motivation you are in the right place!

note: I don't own any PICTURES that are posted!

Twitter & Instagram: @lakeishalovv

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